Written August 22, 2012

...and another days goes by.



She's not exactly sure how long it's been since the last time she was able to smile and say it came from the heart. She doesn't remember if it was November of last year or sometime in mid February, or just before April... she really wasn't sure. All she knew for sure was that it had been a while.



And the days go by...



Confusedly she carries on with unanswered questions about unanswered questions to months and months of dishonesty and distrust. Recently, she found out that a man she used to know has recently became a mother. She was surprised, but she also wasn't. At least now she knew where her beliefs on karma stood.



Some months before days have gone by, she has no idea where she will be once days have gone by. Maybe she would have some insight on where she would be after days of months have gone by but her perspective of the world is too askew. She should probably fix her tie before carrying on.



But eventually she might understand with some help from the polka-dot woman, but she doubts it. Her mind is too far gone for even those who consider themselves professional polka-dotters. She thinks maybe she could become a polka-dotter one day, but she doubts she can because her dots are way too out'ta line.



Of course she knows she has the animals but they can only help so much. She realizes that when it's clear they can only purr up against her leg so many times before they just can't purr any longer. At least they've helped thus far. With limitations she wants to break down but cannot.



A random thunder rumbles during the sunny summer day and snaps her into realizing it's time to gooooo.

Written May 24, 2012

Sitting at the quarry
or outside in the back
it was never white and black
it was only a love story
with lots of pain, and true, some glory
that started with a panic attack
and a man that couldn't cut some slack
and ended up pretty **** gory
with a girl in a hospital waiting room
alone and really cold
but she always did keep true
even while awaiting doom
what he did was oh, so bold
yet she still said "I love you."

Written May 8, 2012

So he stood there and held her like there was ever something there.
So she stood there and held on not wanting to let go of anything there.
So he told her comforting lies.
So she listened and cried.
So they exchanged a couple polite smiles and he said some civil words,
so as to not look like he was in the wrong.
So he told her he was sorry for what he was putting her through
so he could feel a little better, like that would make the slightest difference.
So he made sure she knew he didn't want to hurt her, although it's what he had to do,
so she could feel a little better, like that would make the slightest difference.
So he went on and partied, like everybody his age should do.
So she went on and sat alone, like everybody with an old soul like hers does.
So he spent time with all his best friends who he loved so dearly,
so she watched from the sidelines knowing none of them care about his well-being as much as she does.
So she offered her heart and was shot down, offered her help and was shot even lower.
So she ever so slowly started realizing it was time to give up.
So, she picked her heart up off the floor, (her heart being on the floor because he chewed it up and defecated it right there) and she told the world she was going to be okay.
So there she was standing tall and she emanated confidence. Everyone knew she was going to be okay.
So she knew herself she was going to be okay, and she was sure.
So she wasn't okay.
So that was the last time she saw him.

Written April 12, 2012

I think I've been going crazy.
I think I've been going crazy,
spending evenings jittering,
and spending days sick.
Spending nights restless,
just passing the time.
Not actually living.
Just passing the time,
until I stop going crazy.
I think I've been going crazy.
Even the doctors agree,
but they don't say that.
They just use other words
to make me feel normal
but in the end, all those words mean
are that I'm going crazy.
Sleep comes late, and leaves me early.
Food goes in, but doesn't want to stay.
The doctors think I'll get better,
the doctors think it'll go away,
but I think I'm just going crazy.
Don't you agree?