I just want
to leave
my mark
on the world.

At times I dream of a certain image
One that feels like I’ve been there before,
Despite being nothing more than a fabrication, a dream.

I dream of a late Saturday night, echoes of rain surrounding me
The soft glow of a CRT the only light in the room
And me, sitting, staring, watching the beam dance about.

I dream of traveling to a land far from my own
A place void from worry and doubt
A place where I can simply be.

I dream of visiting the train station
Being serenaded by a traveling musician, a lone dog with a guitar.
As he sings his song, I sing along
Knowing every word to the tune.

Well here I am again, trapped in this prison
This stupid prison I call my mind
Locked in with these thoughts as they’re constantly risen
Looking for the light I had hoped to find
Searching for answers to all of these questions
Constantly building, my world effervescent
I’m sick and tired of all their suggestions
I’m done with the Xanax and antidepressants

I find myself lost, and suddenly then
I find myself back in here again
I try to get out, to escape the pain
But all of my efforts have ended in vain

Therapy, therapy, please fill the void
Help me to find out what’s wrong with my head
Put back the pieces of my life destroyed
At this point I think I’d be better off dead
But I know that I can’t do something so foolish
I know my folks would miss me if I’m gone
But I’m tired of feeling so hopeless and ghoulish
I think that it’s finally time to move on

I find myself lost, and suddenly then
I find myself back in here again
I try to get out, to escape the pain
But all of my efforts have ended in vain
 
Finally breaking through my mind’s blockade
Crushing dark thoughts and my own deepest fears
Digging myself out of this hole I’ve made
I’m purging this shadow that’s plagued me for years
I’m finally doing it, climbing the mountain
I think I am reaching the end of my fall
Just reach through the depths and seal the dark fountain
Maybe things won’t be so bad after all

I find myself lost, and suddenly then
I find myself back in here again
I try to get out, to escape the pain
Maybe this effort won’t end in vain

How do you live, knowing you’ve become the thing you once feared?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve hurt so many people?
How do you live, knowing that something you’ve done has let somebody come to harm?
How do you live, knowing that you did something terrible, just to see what would happen?
How do you live, knowing that, deep down, you’re guilty of something you’ve denied for all this time?
How do you live, knowing that somebody you love has been betrayed?
How do you live, knowing that you lied to protect someone who cared about you?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve destroyed the life of your best friend?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve done something terrible to someone they loved?
How do you live, knowing that somebody else’s blood lays dried on your own hands?
How do you live, knowing that somebody you never knew will never be seen again?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve tried doing the same to the person you hold dear?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve tried doing it to yourself, as a way of escaping all the blame and guilt and anguish?
How do you live, knowing that you can’t change the past?
How do you live, knowing that your mistakes will never be undone?

I don’t know.
But I live anyway.

We live in a broken society
Where some people are hardly paid a cent
And they live in constant anxiety
Because they can’t afford to pay the rent

Some citizens bereft of basic needs
While others’ pay is always on the rise
And when questioned they go to plant doubt’s seeds
Necessity, they say, is their greed’s guise

The rich pay congressmen to change the laws
Although the people cry out to be heard
Succumb to pressure then expect applause
But nobody seems to believe their word

This nation where the most zealous succeed
Has given in to corruption and greed

A million snowflakes falling from the sky,
All of them unique in their own special way.
Each with hopes and dreams and ambitions,
But they are apathetic, lacking in dedication.
And so they give up, and let themselves fall from a world lost to time,
Piling up, and blanketing the earth to form a sea of lost dreams.