How do you live, knowing you’ve become the thing you once feared?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve hurt so many people?
How do you live, knowing that something you’ve done has let somebody come to harm?
How do you live, knowing that you did something terrible, just to see what would happen?
How do you live, knowing that, deep down, you’re guilty of something you’ve denied for all this time?
How do you live, knowing that somebody you love has been betrayed?
How do you live, knowing that you lied to protect someone who cared about you?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve destroyed the life of your best friend?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve done something terrible to someone they loved?
How do you live, knowing that somebody else’s blood lays dried on your own hands?
How do you live, knowing that somebody you never knew will never be seen again?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve tried doing the same to the person you hold dear?
How do you live, knowing that you’ve tried doing it to yourself, as a way of escaping all the blame and guilt and anguish?
How do you live, knowing that you can’t change the past?
How do you live, knowing that your mistakes will never be undone?

I don’t know.
But I live anyway.

At times I dream of a certain image
One that feels like I’ve been there before,
Despite being nothing more than a fabrication, a dream.

I dream of a late Saturday night, echoes of rain surrounding me
The soft glow of a CRT the only light in the room
And me, sitting, staring, watching the beam dance about.

I dream of traveling to a land far from my own
A place void from worry and doubt
A place where I can simply be.

I dream of visiting the train station
Being serenaded by a traveling musician, a lone dog with a guitar.
As he sings his song, I sing along
Knowing every word to the tune.

A million snowflakes falling from the sky,
All of them unique in their own special way.
Each with hopes and dreams and ambitions,
But they are apathetic, lacking in dedication.
And so they give up, and let themselves fall from a world lost to time,
Piling up, and blanketing the earth to form a sea of lost dreams.