I.
The window will always be closed between us -
you never gave me enough room to breathe.

II.
"Open the window,” you laid on my chest, suffocating me
and I needed some fresh air to get rid of your scent

III.
I leaned out and peered over the edge,
wondered just how long it would take to finally meet
The ground below if I leaned a little bit further and
Just let go, attempting to fly like the baby bird I
Always pretended to be.

IV.
The light filtered through and
The sound of traffic (brake squealing and honking)
penetrated my mind, knocking all
Thoughts of you (laughing and talking)
Out of my thoughts
Good riddance
Car accidents always sounded better, anyway

V.
My breath fogged up the glass
and I wrote you love
letters that disappeared
just as quickly as you did
But we were always meant to be
temporary just like
notes made out of
warm breath and window panes.

It comes in waves,
tidal waves
gripping your insides
swallowing you whole
dragging you out
into the abyss of
its darkness
and no life preserver
can save you from
drowning in
your own thoughts

SOS
my brain
is battling my
body again
and im afraid
this time
I wont win.

And what do you hope to find
when you’ve lost yourself in my eyes
what do you think is hiding in the
deep recesses of my mind?

You looked at me

with fire

And I

extinguished

you

I.
Your fingers dance in my hair
And it’s hard for me to remember
That this once haunted me
In my dreams when you were gone
But now you’re back and
You’re still a ghost to me.

II.
We dance around the truth like moths dance
Around lights attached to front porches and
We never really care that we are spending
Our lives avoiding our destiny.

III.
The light dances in your eyes and
I want to look away for good but
The reflections mesmerize and
I somehow got lost along the way

IV.
Dancing along the pavement,
Recounting all of the cracks we
Always intended to step on.
Instead of breaking backs,
We broke each other’s hearts.

V.
We continue to play the same games
And we dance to the same songs,
Hoping that maybe this time,
We could actually get along
Without breaking.

Blue eyes to behold

Thick lashes framing your soul

Please don’t look away

My stomach ties itself into knots
and forms into a hard lump
in my abdomen
and I wish I could throw it up
and throw it out
So I wouldn’t get sick
thinking about you
anymore.

Do you ever wonder
How long your words will last
How many eyes will glance over them after you are gone.

Will my son read my writing and discover
another side to his mom he
never saw?

Will friends read my words when I'm gone and think
of how profound I once was
Will they add more meaning to my words than
I actually intended?

Who will read and create stories out of the sentences
I put together
When I'm sad

How long will these words last?

You’ve got me writing again
But it isn’t exactly what you envisioned, is it
Because you were expecting a love song
But here we are, I’m exhausted and you’re exhausting
And my mental health can’t keep up
With your demands.

I’ve changed so much, used so many spoons
Gave all of myself to better myself to
Stand alone by myself
And here you are
Wanting to change
Who I made

And I’m tired.
I’m so tired of not being good enough
Of trying and being told
I don’t try enough
Of changing and being told
I don’t change enough
Of living and being told
My life isn’t enough
For you.

What do you want me to do
I’ve given you everything
And like I’ve always feared
You just want more.

I’m tired.
So here’s the poem you
Always wanted.
I hope it’s finally
Enough.