I will leave you with little bits and pieces of my mind
throughout the day and you may find it entertaining
or you may realize that my mind is far too unhealthy
to work properly (this is more than true)

I’m afraid that I’m going crazy and these three cubicle
walls are doing nothing to help me find my placing among
these phone calls, but it’s hard to find your footing when
the voices of the patients consistently knock you over

And you want to hide underneath your desk for fear of
your sanity finally leaving out of the door because it
couldn’t take it anymore and it’s bags were packed
already.

I’m writing this in the form of a poem but we both know that
the pleas of the insane could never truly be beautiful and
that is what this is, a documentation of a young woman
finally coming to terms

With no longer having all of her marbles, she lost them in a
game amongst children in the school yard but thought she
had gathered enough, since, to maintain herself (she was
wrong)

And now she is scattered across a Formica desk surrounded
by voices that are not in her head but actually in her vicinity,
all saying the same things she says, all answering the same
messages

All of the same thing over and over again every day and we’re
back to the monotony of the situation at hand, no excitement
resides inside of these walls just like they cut all contact off
to nature

No windows located anywhere near, can’t catch a glimpse of
the outside, lord forbid, you may decide to skip out in the
middle of a berating phone call so you can walk in the sun that
glistens on the pavement.

Too much fresh air is bad for cubicle robots, too much freedom
leads you to believe that you are not just a drone that they
trained to avoid any interaction at all costs, just put it off, put
it off, put it off, wait for the call.

The waves keep crashing over me, making breathing difficult.
Any moment I hope to wash up on a shore that I can call my own,
Make my home, but for right now I float.

Like a piece of driftwood that was led astray from the ship it was
Attached to, I no longer have a vessel that serves a purpose and
I’m slowly warping and decaying with every wave.

The sun glares down at my floating body as if it knows my deepest
Secret, it’s glad to see me struggling in the dark water, hoping that
I will eventually drown - I don’t blame it.

I would have sunk a long time ago but the air in my lungs keeps me
Afloat and I can only wait to see when they will eventually deflate
And I will be sent to the depths, where I belong.

I imagine myself, pale and freezing, slowly sinking towards the
The sandy bottom that awaits me, arms raised at my sides, glassy
Eyes opened wide, watching my descent.

The thought of giving up grows stronger every second my cracked
Skin is left in this water and I have to force the images out, seeking
The resolve I must have stored somewhere

It’s a difficult task but I keep my head above the water, my lungs full
Of air, my heart on the same rhythm it was in before, and I wait for
The shore that is sure to come at any moment.

You looked at me

with fire

And I

extinguished

you

“Please don’t talk so loudly, these walls are paper thin.”

You’re huddled on my bed,
Crying like a child, sobbing
(You’re shaking with every gasp of your shallow lungs)
Warning me of the boogie man
Hiding behind the door

“Please, I think he has a gun!”

You slur your words as you
Open yourself up to show your scars
(I already know they are there, I have the same marks)
I hush you, soothe you,
Try to keep you quiet

“It will be okay, he will be gone soon, I promise”

Somehow I became your protector
From the bad guys who seek to destroy
(You have a thing for the bad boys with hard hands)
So I hide you in my room and
Stretch my arms over your skeleton
(That’s all you are now, a pile of skin and bones)
And my heartbeats are used
To keep yours going
(I hope it’s strong enough, God, I hope it beats harder)
I coax you, encourage you
Attempt to mend you

“Lay your head on my chest, everything will be alright.”

I hope you will keep going
Because I need you
(I love you, I love you, I love you. Please stay with me)
I busted down that bathroom door
When you were locked inside
(I could hear your demons laughing right inside, next to you)
I bled for you, I bruised for you
I broke myself down to give you my pieces

“Please don’t do this, please give me that knife, don’t use it.”

You needed patching so I
Glued you back together again
(I stitched the pieces that wouldn’t stick and hoped it wouldn’t come undone)
And then the boogie man and
The bad guys disappeared

“Oh sweetie, they’re no longer a problem to deal with!”

So you took all of my pieces and
You left me behind
(I wasn’t needed as your protector anymore)
No bad guys to stand up to,
No demons to stare down
(You disappeared without a trace just like they did)
So I sat in my room alone,
Crying like the child that I was
(Wishing my mother needed me again)

"Please don't talk so loudly, mommy, these walls are paper thin."

You brought me a bag of journals
And told me that I had enough books
Written by other people, it was time
To start writing my own.

So I tucked that sentence into my heart
For safekeeping because it was the
Prettiest thing I had ever heard and
It sounded like poetry to me.

The sun shines on my petals and I open up,
Drinking in the daylight, my leaves stretching
Towards the clouds, soaking in the warmth

How blessed I am to finally have a break from
Stormy days that damaged my stalk and shook
My foundation, almost ripping me from the soil.

How blessed to be free from the torment of the
Raindrops as they fell and shattered on every piece
Of me, leaving me breathless and beaten, shaking

How blessed to still be alive and well, despite the
Abuse of the storms and the lack of shelter. I see
That I can always remain strong and tall and glorious.

Despite any storms that may come my way, I remain.

Fallen words like skyscrapers
Bludgeoned by airplanes in the sky
Toppling over, creating destruction
When did this become my life.