3/31/18
Dear Sad buddy,

Remember all those times I've made your night? Do you still remember all those days I’d save your life? When you had your end all planned out. I could fix you when you’d break inside. I was always there, your ray of light. Remember all those promises that we made despite, the fact we knew how hard they’d be to stay beside? You’ll never break them. And I’m never breaking mine. I remember that night it rained, so the pavement shined. As you sat on the edge of the bridge, debating life. The cars passing, you told me none of them would care if you slipped. I wish I was there then. You I’d cradle tight. But you didn’t slip. Maybe my name was in the back of your head. Maybe our bond was enough for you to change your mind. That’s all I ever wanted. To make you at least a little bit okay inside.

If you’re reading this, sometime in the future, I hope you still remember it all. I hope I mean as much to you as I did then. I hope time never tore us apart. We promised each other we’d never let one another drift away. We’re on the same raft for life. I hope you’re okay now. I hope you realize your worth, and are living as happily you pretended to be. I hope you remember everything I told you. Not only remember, but believe it. And more than anything, I hope you’ll never hurt yourself again.

If we’re not still in close contact, I want to believe you’re alive. I want to believe you learned from all those times I talked you out of ending your life. I want to believe you learned from the times you've cut, and used drugs to numb instead of talking to me. But most importantly, I want to believe you’re still my sad buddy, even if you’re not here anymore, and that I’m still yours. Because after all, the bond we had was the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt. And I know for you, it was the same. Sad buddies is not something to be forgotten.

Always and forever, forever and always,
Your sad buddy.
<3

As the day passes, the sky darkens, all sores will stay the same.
Surrounded by the shroud of night, I'm forced to face the change.
Before the battles, she was happy, now wars just take away.
Take away the smile, no endorphins for this pain.

I used to save her from her demons, force them through my blade.
But after wear and tear and wars, my swords don't slay the same.
She used to change my life, she cared much more each every day.
But now she turned her shoulder, she contort's my vision's aim.

tens of letters etched in pencil, sediment's forever settled,
roses sent, with reddened pedals, redder than the ******* devil.
more to me then sentimental,
Sent the letters, then she read them.
Ripped apart the hearts I sent, then,
Sent it back with roses dead, and
With her feather she had wrote:
I'm done with you.
Decision's settled.

Laying in the dark, my hands they stretch for the sky.
The dirt is just so cold, and I rest on my side.
I was living all this time but I just never had life.
I would sleep in the day, and then I'd get up at night.

Even Though I hate myself, I'm begging for life
They left me to die, but I'm not ready to die
Push me to the edge and I'll call death to my side.
Tell him to ready his scythe, but I said I was fine.

Don't know why I'm so upset, again I ask why.
But rather than the truth, I pay attention to lies.
run away from the real, but said I'd never just hide.
Not calling for help, but I'll write a message they'll find.

If you were ever there you'd see distress in my eyes.
They said they would stay, I guess everyone lies
Hands tremble I try, to hold them steady to write
so down in the depths, I came from Everest's heights.

On the old parchment paper, its gone yellow from time.
The paper it's so dated, thought it never was white.
He's writing it with ease, his pencil just glides
He puts the rope around until his head is inside

He feels it pinching all up on his neck its so tight
Well, this is it, it's the end of the line
He hears a howl near, he's afraid of the sound
He tries to jump to death, note taped to his crown

It's instant regret, more so he hates himself now
Just from his perspective, no debate he's so foul
He sees a black figure and its off to the side
Choking on the rope, he'll be gone in no time

Fingers on his neck, but hands are on both his sides
He's on the ground safe, when he thought he would die
As he just inhales, the air is god to his pipes
What was standing over him, a monster at night?

once he regained focus, with no spots in his eyes
Once he saw past the night, past the dark to the light
You would not believe what he saw out his eyes
Everything is different, no more fog in the sky
Not saved by a monster, not at all it was nice
Saved by a person, with blonde locks and blue eyes

I feel the rage burning, like a fire inside
a way to end the pain, a desire of mine
don't worry about me, I'll go higher and shine
I'll become the brightest star to light the sky in your eyes

As the tears fall, my blood seeps
While I cry, my cuts bleed
Like branches outside my window
Tapping against the glass
My fingers shake
With howling wind and rain
While I say I'm never sad
My limbs just ache

Running from my own shadow
I start to wonder who I'm saving
Pondering, I'm completely clueless
each step is excruciating