They say that tears
They purify
The mind heart and soul

But then there’s tears
Like these I cry
Which serve to demonstrate
That I’m not whole

I’m beaten, my heart’s broken
My spirit shattered now
They say that time heals all wounds
How does that help me now?

The two of you were mountains
Upon which that I stood
Now you’re gone I’m in free fall
I’d join you if I could

But God has other plans for me
What are they? I don’t know
I’m trying my best to learn from this
Be my own rock on which to grow

But tonight I’m lonely
I’d give anything for a call
Hear your words of encouragement
As my mind, heart, and soul…Freefall.

Last night I had a dream
God came down to talk with me
Asked me the desires of my heart
Separated my mind and heart apart

My mind it wished for solid gold
A mansion built high upon a mountain
The wishes were increasingly bold
Like a pool with a fountain

The Lord, He did not listen
To that greedy part of mind
He turned His focus silently
To the quiet heart of mine
“What would you take, if granted?”
My heart he took a breath
And in a rush and cry for solace
This is what he said

Give me a believing woman, with an equal heart of gold
Give her gentle arms to hold me, as I slowly grow old

Give her wisdom to see inside me, in every hidden room
Give her love of which to bind me, and help me grow and bloom

Give her passion with which to tease me, and keep my smiling face
Give her a spirit of forgiveness, to demonstrate your grace

Give her a mind with which to intrigue me, to keep me slightly out of mine
Give her long life to stand beside me, and to her our gift of time

Lastly give her patience, for I will stumble and I will fall
Lord I beg, bring her to me, I’m too exhausted to crawl

It’s said that’s it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
But it’s easy for those who say since it’s never their tears that fall
The rock that I built my life upon did crumble and turn to sand
But there’s only so many times that you can reach out for helping hands

I lost track of the number and times that people said “anything I can do I will”
But here at dead of midnight deep those offers they made were killed

Instead of burdening my loved ones to quench the pain I hold it inside
Instead of seeking help to heal
I bury myself deep and hide

It takes a special someone you know who helps to heal the pain
But how often do you meet someone who has anything past their strain

So here at 1230 in the morn
I make my final plea
Dear Lord up in Heaven above
Send someone who can save me

close my eyes, and I see her
nothing is just as it seems
she walks softly in moonbeams
but can she live only in my dreams

staying in the shadows
trying not to make a sound
I see the light twinkle on her skin
feel her presence all around

through the forest
filled with trees
all is still
save a gentle breeze

every night I return to this place
to watch her quietly
to see her face
am I dreaming of the future
or a memory 'tis displaced

I listen to the birds softly chirping
as the daylight breaks
I see the highlights in her hair
the smile upon her face

I dread the daylight coming
for in that time I know
my dreams will end without her
oh how I love her so

Is this it?
Is this all that is left
When your loved one has died
Car keys, wallet, and checks

After decades of living
And memories made
A coffin or urn
Contains their remains

The special moments you hold there deep inside
Will eventually fade as your memory declines

Though others remember
And hold strong towards you
Eventually something
Will take their life too

God I’m trying to look forward
And live day by day
But inside my soul is crying
No peace to be made

This year will be four since the two of you went Home
I pray to join you, but not too soon
As I’m your only son

Some people call me childish
For taking pleasure in small things
I’d say that I am wilder
Usually prepared for what life my bring

But occasionally I am shell shocked
When my friends mention your name
And I wonder if I had been bolder
Would you have accepted my wedding ring?

My dreams bring flashes of stories
Insight into how we might have been
Nightmares bring accusations
Of the inevitable painful end

Every time I hear your voice again
It makes my heart fly and fall
For in the night of silence
My soul, it hears your call.

As long back as I remember
The river flowed past
Through fields and forest
A sea of trees and grass
In winter and in summer
In spring and in the fall
A’bubbling and a’splashing
Sometimes a torrent, other times calm

Late into the evening
After the sun has gone to bed
I sit and rock on my back porch
On a pillow rests my weary head
I listen to her flowing
She’s comforting to me
A few moments in sweet silence
A time to gently just be

The river she don’t mind it
She welcomes my touch to her banks
Her waves they caress me
And silently I wake
I would not willingly leave here
This restful healing place
My life is spent beside her
She puts a smile upon my face

The melodic voices that once filled this home
Are now so long gone my voice echoes alone
The pain and the loss of my whole family
Reminds of how our lives, they aren’t really free

Why did you go and leave me alone
This structure can no longer be called my home
It’s only a place which my memories haunt
Occasionally laughter is forced to the front

It’s not natural for me to be like
A ghost in the hallway, my chair, on my mic
People who knew me before all this pain
Can rightfully say that I’m going insane

Yet I wouldn’t change it, even if I could
The pain keeps me grounded, on my knees like it should
I’m not strong enough all on my own
To get on my feet, so I stay alone

I cannot consciously allow anyone in
To do so would be selfish, a terrible sin
So instead I will just live, day by lonely day
And seek my solace in whatever method I may

A song will come on the radio
Or on YouTube late at night
I’ll sit and sing along with it
Not knowing if I’m alright

It’s almost been three years ago since both of you left me
Day by day I’m struggling, terrified of what my life might bring

Every since the memorial
Where I did my best to honor
The love and all the memories
Of my Mother and of my Father

I still don’t know how I am putting
One foot in front of the other
I trudge along repeatedly
One nights just like another

Lord why do I put a song on repeat
Which draws tears from my eyes
Except pain’s the only lasting feeling
Since my parents took to sky

My world revolves around two awesome kids of mine
I did my best to raise them
in this crazy mixed up time

My son, he is the older, growing wiser, every day it seems
My daughter, she is bolder, full of fire and full of steam

No matter how old they get
they’ll forever be my kids.
I did my best to raise them
just like my Mom did

We disagreed and feuded, but it was always full of love.
I did my best to be a good example, as instructed by the Lord above

I will always fight for what’s best for them
it’s in my nature you see.
Their hurts, they still hurt me too
regardless of age or beliefs

My babies will someday marry
I pray for them everyday
I hope they make the best choice possible
Someone who’s got their back come what may.

Dear son and my dear daughter
Listen to these words of mine
Take heed of my warnings
And make my wisdom thine

It is not out of fear of loss
that I give you my advice
It is out of my deep love for you
May it prevent you paying a price

Sometime in the distant future
I’ll go to heaven, one sweet day
There you’ll find me waiting
May your joining be delayed

Greetings little one
Welcome to this world
There’s so much to discover, like climbing trees and watching squirrels

You’re surrounded by family
And friends you haven’t met
Soon you’ll be home
And surrounded by pets

You’ll have joys and heartaches and everything between
Your Mom and your Dad, they’ll always be on your team

Ignore all the drama you see around you each day
Your family’s got your back all along the narrow way
We might be 1500 miles apart, but know that for your future we continually pray
And keep in your heart that Jesus is the true and only way

Be a good man, a strong man both in word and deed
Make your promise your bond, a light in the darkness for the whole world to see

Easton you were loved before we met you
And that love will surely grow
as we get to know you better
And don’t eat yellow snow

Spread humor and laughter and some happy tears
Just like your Momma and Daddy and your grandmother did
I give to you my final blessing, God make this one come true
Give this young man wisdom, that is my dream and wish for you.

Heaven gained an angel
Who was born without her wings
She didn’t really need them
To do her work on earth you see

Heaven gained an angel
Who worked hard everyday
To provide for his small family
Across the country in every way

I was blessed beyond all reason
To have my Mom and Dad
I know I see their echoes
But emotions only feel sad

The stars at night grow big and bright
Across the sky above
Even beyond the horizon
I miss their daily love

I find myself doing little things
I know aren’t good for me
Is it subconscious desire
To be where they are free

Be still and know that I’m still here
I’m just in a different phase
I loved you once and time again
I wouldn’t leave this place

Be still and know that I love you
Feel my fingers upon your face
Those teardrops fall forever more
And I’m singing amazing grace

Daylight is nigh, from your bed you rise
On your dresser, your veil of lace
My love, my life, my paradise
In your hands my heart still lays

I don’t know how to say I’m sorry
And show the meaning deep inside
I don’t know why I make you cry
Behind the doors you hide

I’m not the angry monster
I seem while at our home
I want to be much kinder
And not make you feel like you’re alone

Our wedding anniversary
Is just short weeks away
I know I never show it
I love you more each day

My heart it cries out in pain
Knowing how I make yours bleed
My job my car my sense of pride
You and our boys are all I need

I strive to become the example
Our two young men deserve
They are the best of both of us
Even when they’re on our nerves

In closing I ask more patience now
Than in the days before
Lord knows that I’m a work in progress
I want to give our family more.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions
At least that’s what they say
But these last three working days
Have only proven I’m not ok

The rage inside is constantly boiling
Threatening always, close to exploding

That monster I fight to keep bottled up
He breaks those chains too often, then runs amok

He’s evil incarnate
Yet amoral throughout
He doesn’t intentionally wound
the ones I so deeply care about

I try to keep him bottled inside
The stress and the strain due to my stubborn pride
I can’t let him go no matter the cost
Because in his actions almost all hope is lost

He’s angry
I’m bleeding
From claw and fang marks on my body I’m feeling
He’s patiently impatient, stalking, just waiting for feeding

It’s easy in this world today to feel alone and scared
Especially as things happen in life for which you’re not prepared
It’s easy to lose faith and sight upon the Lord above
But never allow yourself to forget or dismiss our Fathers boundless love

He shows it in a phone call or smile from a long lost friend
He shows it as you’re adopted by a family just like long lost kin

He’ll show it in the sunrise of the day
He’ll give you many blessings and little signs along the way

He’ll demonstrate His greatness in the evening setting sun
He’ll remind you that in Heaven is where life is just begun

So when you’re feeling
Alone, afraid, and scared
Just call on Him for peace
You will be blessed beyond compare

Lord I thank you daily
for big and little things
But most of all forgiveness, bought by your Son on Calvary

I’m not young
but I’m not old
I’m somewhere in between
I’m still funny
Though less wild
I sometimes live in my dreams

I’m halfway through
The average years
My hopes and goals still shine
But late at night
An empty bed
Is all that I call mine

My friends have married
Some moved away
And here’s the latest pain
Their kids are grown
and married now
Loneliness remains my shame

I have a life that most would love
A job in which I excel
But late at night when I’m alone
It’s my own most personal hell