The road to hell is paved with good intentions
At least that’s what they say
But these last three working days
Have only proven I’m not ok

The rage inside is constantly boiling
Threatening always, close to exploding

That monster I fight to keep bottled up
He breaks those chains too often, then runs amok

He’s evil incarnate
Yet amoral throughout
He doesn’t intentionally wound
the ones I so deeply care about

I try to keep him bottled inside
The stress and the strain due to my stubborn pride
I can’t let him go no matter the cost
Because in his actions almost all hope is lost

He’s angry
I’m bleeding
From claw and fang marks on my body I’m feeling
He’s patiently impatient, stalking, just waiting for feeding

Greetings little one
Welcome to this world
There’s so much to discover, like climbing trees and watching squirrels

You’re surrounded by family
And friends you haven’t met
Soon you’ll be home
And surrounded by pets

You’ll have joys and heartaches and everything between
Your Mom and your Dad, they’ll always be on your team

Ignore all the drama you see around you each day
Your family’s got your back all along the narrow way
We might be 1500 miles apart, but know that for your future we continually pray
And keep in your heart that Jesus is the true and only way

Be a good man, a strong man both in word and deed
Make your promise your bond, a light in the darkness for the whole world to see

Easton you were loved before we met you
And that love will surely grow
as we get to know you better
And don’t eat yellow snow

Spread humor and laughter and some happy tears
Just like your Momma and Daddy and your grandmother did
I give to you my final blessing, God make this one come true
Give this young man wisdom, that is my dream and wish for you.

The melodic voices that once filled this home
Are now so long gone my voice echoes alone
The pain and the loss of my whole family
Reminds of how our lives, they aren’t really free

Why did you go and leave me alone
This structure can no longer be called my home
It’s only a place which my memories haunt
Occasionally laughter is forced to the front

It’s not natural for me to be like
A ghost in the hallway, my chair, on my mic
People who knew me before all this pain
Can rightfully say that I’m going insane

Yet I wouldn’t change it, even if I could
The pain keeps me grounded, on my knees like it should
I’m not strong enough all on my own
To get on my feet, so I stay alone

I cannot consciously allow anyone in
To do so would be selfish, a terrible sin
So instead I will just live, day by lonely day
And seek my solace in whatever method I may

Last night I had a dream
God came down to talk with me
Asked me the desires of my heart
Separated my mind and heart apart

My mind it wished for solid gold
A mansion built high upon a mountain
The wishes were increasingly bold
Like a pool with a fountain

The Lord, He did not listen
To that greedy part of mind
He turned His focus silently
To the quiet heart of mine
“What would you take, if granted?”
My heart he took a breath
And in a rush and cry for solace
This is what he said

Give me a believing woman, with an equal heart of gold
Give her gentle arms to hold me, as I slowly grow old

Give her wisdom to see inside me, in every hidden room
Give her love of which to bind me, and help me grow and bloom

Give her passion with which to tease me, and keep my smiling face
Give her a spirit of forgiveness, to demonstrate your grace

Give her a mind with which to intrigue me, to keep me slightly out of mine
Give her long life to stand beside me, and to her our gift of time

Lastly give her patience, for I will stumble and I will fall
Lord I beg, bring her to me, I’m too exhausted to crawl

Some people call me childish
For taking pleasure in small things
I’d say that I am wilder
Usually prepared for what life my bring

But occasionally I am shell shocked
When my friends mention your name
And I wonder if I had been bolder
Would you have accepted my wedding ring?

My dreams bring flashes of stories
Insight into how we might have been
Nightmares bring accusations
Of the inevitable painful end

Every time I hear your voice again
It makes my heart fly and fall
For in the night of silence
My soul, it hears your call.

They say that tears
They purify
The mind heart and soul

But then there’s tears
Like these I cry
Which serve to demonstrate
That I’m not whole

I’m beaten, my heart’s broken
My spirit shattered now
They say that time heals all wounds
How does that help me now?

The two of you were mountains
Upon which that I stood
Now you’re gone I’m in free fall
I’d join you if I could

But God has other plans for me
What are they? I don’t know
I’m trying my best to learn from this
Be my own rock on which to grow

But tonight I’m lonely
I’d give anything for a call
Hear your words of encouragement
As my mind, heart, and soul…Freefall.

Is this it?
Is this all that is left
When your loved one has died
Car keys, wallet, and checks

After decades of living
And memories made
A coffin or urn
Contains their remains

The special moments you hold there deep inside
Will eventually fade as your memory declines

Though others remember
And hold strong towards you
Eventually something
Will take their life too

God I’m trying to look forward
And live day by day
But inside my soul is crying
No peace to be made

This year will be four since the two of you went Home
I pray to join you, but not too soon
As I’m your only son