To write one more is a crime!
To contemplate immortality!
And the nonlinearity of time
To see the sun turn
And my eyes opening
To lose the flea that travels with me
To sit still in a doctor’s office
            Expand! I want more!

The seat that the man sits in to
be designed & the possibilities that
can occur as a swift spark of
the pen occurs again. It takes all day, all day,
                    to achieve the flow
                        that brings
                   creativity, like water being
poured down a toy that shifts the water
from left to right, as designed by its constructor,
and is colored yellow.

What I need is adulthood and normalcy
for our dance to satisfy and
for our creation to be enough as we
stand in suits taking a class photo.

To break from the line and continue
the lineage onwards to humility
because the gap that exist is

too far for a jump.

Our mouths are covered with tape
And we are cautiously out on a date.

Alright, Alright.

Trying to not throw my body on
the world’s stage, as we look upwards at
the king from the terrace on the third floor
balcony.  

Crown on head & we respect but we
Criticize.

“she runs off and we catch her”

& I’m dine & mad rush ends.

We are eating shame I am playing
                                        the
             ­                          king.

The brown sand beneath our feet
                                  shoes off
                            watching the waves
                             crash into the beach.
The car is in the parking lot. It is
a Mini Van. We bought it in 2003.
We are happy with its maroon color.

May 4th 2018, 2:30pm

Let me have some level of decency
                                   While I go mad again
In a coffee shop in Austin, Tx.
May 4th 2018, coffee in hand
                  / Mexican restaurant, chips, salsa,
expand – “Son he’s hard” I heard at
coffee shop, thought of Zavala Elementary
school, then my apartment where I’ll
write it & contemplate my elders,
the car is not gay after two hits on
un taza de café, stay outside, to
be crumpled up in any apartment room
is bad news. Unnerve yourself & wait
while I linger. At night, or at 6am
cleaning, he was a good man, he spoke
very little

Okay, you’re falling and keeping
time.

When you turn around and
look at your wife.

It’s something, I’m seeing it.

Bald gentleman with shorts, green
shirts & collars mean face towels

As Connor removes himself from the
shower & is white & singing in
diameter with you completely insane
& in a classroom in Alamo Heights.

He thinks, “I need to learn to behave”
                            over again
                               on repeat on the radio
                                    over again
                                    on the radio
                                         performin’

The plea.

                                       May 4, 2018                                              
                                                            1:54­ pm

Before smoking a cigarette with you,
we walk outside to your porch

we are in an old town,
I thank you for your respect and hospitality

“I was just in trouble”

I say, thinking of how I sat in the Dean’s office the other day.

I think, meta-magically,
“wow, a human”

with hands spread out.
coins in hand.

Infinity is a toy store,

or a hot dog,

a walk with no complaints,

As we stroll leaving behind

the worries of today and yesterday.

As I
come
down,

Violence & crime,

So, I build us a house in San Francisco,
I decide it’s best either in the suburbs or
in a less affluent side of town,

Because it’s dangerous to be a healer and a thief

To be a model who looks in the mirror several times a day,

Or, a world-class athlete who trains alone.

My identity is selected
            by my interaction
with ecstasy, & I apply it
by either incorporating it or resisting
                                                     it.

& please, I just want to be beautiful
& please, I just want to be beautiful
& please, let me have the toy
& to be loved
                       to be held tight
                         & for you to not
                                  let go.

I want the beach in Galveston to stretch more than
27 miles. The sand on West Bay to have diamonds. To pick them up.
For Trinity river to flow into the Gulf of Mexico.

For the winds that come from hurricanes to
create a tremendous party for us, so we can slowly
slide down a slide at a children’s
                     museum.

The part of the Gulf of Mexico that interests me
the most is that it is bordered by the east
coast of Mexico, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi,
Louisiana, and Texas.

& they’re off, as I go to work & play dress up,
because time is a line, probably, we should begin again,
& meditate, & I’m sorry I didn’t support you, your
music deserves a louder clap than mine.

And suddenly,
the saddest thing occurred today
I was wearing khakis shorts
and a Bahama button down
and I was picking up my
kids from the airport. Just
then, I realized, I’m a father.

What
a dimmed room
with
sunshine coming in
through the window
is

is a pretty thought

I’m in the dining room

of my grandmother’s house

I’m my apartment on West Campus
In Austin, Texas.

writing songs on the piano
about all the ills of the world
which sit on a grassy knoll
and we look at them and stare

I reach my arms out
you move closer to me
I am thankful for you

&&,
The more serious
             my voice gets
Like a bird
    landing
           somewhere
               on the grassy knoll.

in a t-shirt
in a Japanese garden,

I could be a t-shirt

If you could be
a school

I could be
a student

If you could
design
for me
the layout
of a building

I could call you
an architect

shake hands with
the mayor

As I am rushed
into an ocean
of memories

for catching ducks

at the ball park

while the batter hits a home run
and makes a break away
towards home-base

I am as small as an unwanted orphan
&&
it is hard to explain
how to be diligent
& New Zealand is too cautious
for a
student who lives and learns.

Books, letters, journals, articles,
musicians, writers, artists and activists,
music, stereotypes, racism, sociology,
accessibility, our spare room the
guests sleep in.

I am attached to you

Image of girl carrying washer sheet

The seasons change

-

   Decomposed
or decomposing
           a                         into
       doctor                      a
                                   ­    prince
                                         frog

management                or lamenting out
         to                                     to
           money                    grocery store

Why is the gorilla solitary?
    
     I’m not a primatologist
              I don’t know
But what I do know is that I want you sober and safe, if not sober, then safe.

But! “Would it be okay if I set up the time?”

A very serious thought should be inserted here, one that allows you to stay sane and within boundaries.

Don’t weep! Clean your room and visit your local art museum. If you need to, pick up an album beforehand and don’t remove your headphones while you walk through the museum mesmerized by the objects and paintings, you see. The gorilla that is the alpha male will sit alone. I don’t know why.

To reach out and grab a bottle of mustard and ketchup and put them on your hot dog is all I could ask for

And the backyard of your grandfather’s house is more than I could ask for

I will expect him to guide me out the glass door to his workshop where I will look in amazement and feel a certain feeling

I will want to pick up the tools
grandpa has laying around
and try to make something.
I won’t know how the machines work
and I will want the car he drives to have
                                            a broken wind shield.

I will want to write while you learn to paint
I will want to learn to write while you paint.

I will buy popular science books and visit a planetarium but won’t understand a thing the scientists are saying
I will use a different way to communicate that uu should be careful who you model yourself after.

       not crazy, operant conditioning!?
                              a form of expression
                                     with intent!

A four-walled room painted white
An isle to walk down alone.

A door you come upon, where you are greeted by a smile by a friend who has all the answers.
And without your neediness, or your distaste in the wrong culture, or the flutter that occurs to you and your conscience, or the answer to question three on your religion test, or a meal with your mother, or your father staying late working, no questions being asked,

                                                            you find yourself in
                                                     your room, still lost and needy

There is a course you could take and I encourage it.

Girlfriends are expensive. The definition of a cell is the single, smallest unit of an organism. There is room for growth! The sun! Clouds! Nimbus! Positioning! A room where you can be creative
                                                        ­      a conceptual space
                                                                ­         where you can sit
                                                             ­                     and smile

perhaps a café, boys,
or a hospital waiting room

after arriving in town by way of an airplane from San Francisco
where upon you are
immediately
rushed to the ER
because of an infection
in your stomach

you realize that football games aren’t all
that bad

And that your car doesn’t really need to
be washed every 2 weeks but that it’s strongly suggested.

You are wrong.

     Say I love you to her in 5 different languages

Estonian: Ma armastan sind
                Mina armastad sind (formal)

Czech: Miluji te

German: Ich liebe dich

Japanese: Kimi o ai shiteru

Latin: Te amo

put fresh air and family above
the and of or for
                      -
              work-space

                      -

Know when to stop and when to begin. Watch the cattle being herded by a lone cowboy.

         visit the petting zoo
                    pick up a Texas-mapped turtle

buy an aquarium and buy several fish,
some exotic,
and watch them grow & develop

                     The coral reef is blue and a variety of colors

                                      the deeper you go into the ocean, the darker it gets, the
                                          ticket to swim with the dolphins is only 20 dollars and on Tuesdays
                                                  the aquarium is free with a student
                                                    ID.

               Fuller
the park is free and open to the public,
you will know how to raise your child
you will know what to do when a creepy man approaches
you should know
     that
     jumping off the diving board into the
deep end and buying a fancy car is worth it, but ultimately, know when it’s time to come back home, you know, before it
gets too dark.

Part ll

A Shadow
                     Distributed

                                   Pushing against the wall

Another petting zoo
                                  a bathtub with a single fish in it
                                     a piñata-store
                                          a dream of a mother handing me her child

All of yesterday I looked back, I spent the entire day laying
in bed. It is late at night and I am alone. There is

Can you, reader, answer why the lemonade costs 5 dollars?
It’s two dollars and thirty cents at HEB.

At a diner, suggest “Vegeria”
On Broadway, in San Antonio, Texas *.
Only order drinks. But eat before.

I’ve never been to Boston, I don’t know what’s happening there.

But you know, a trampoline in our backyard, The Magik Theatre, mom and pop shops, art classes, a Subaru Forester,

Your heart attack, heavenly enlightenment,

Consecutively,
writing to 20 thousand people, or four,

or maybe it’s space?

Foolish