The man made of glass

It wasn’t always like this.
There was a time I was normal.
It all happened so fast.
That’s the first time I shattered

I had to make a choice,
so the pieces were forced.
But like my favorite ornament,
the shards never fit back perfectly.

That’s what living feels like.
A sledgehammer slams into my side,
and I once again have to choose.
Of course, I’m a gambling man, I roll the dice.

It hurts so ******* bad.
So I don’t take pride in myself.
I hate the way they look at me.
Oh well, I breathe in and out; repeat.

My world is warm when I’m with someone,
it’s a toxic form of insulation.
I’m the equivalent of a moth-leech,
I’ll cling to you and sap your light.

Though in the beginning they see their light in me,
they’re mistaken into thinking I’m a firefly.
I’m sorry to say that this light isn’t mine,
if I stay near you I will hurt you.

I mean it when I say I’m sorry,
but no way in hell will I let you leave.
I NEED YOU, you can’t leave, you promised!
Ah yeah there it is, reality walks in as you walk out.

You can view me as a monster if you want,
because I really did mean it when I said I love you.
If hurting me or viewing me poorly helps you,
then of course I will understand, I’m a broken child too.

Why I’m incapable of holding grudges or hatred,
I understand what it’s like to try anything to avoid freezing.
Teachers, students and soldiers alike that made their disgust clear,
but i’ve had to deal with more intense hatred daily.

I’ve said it time and again,
there is a demon that shares my name.
If words were like weapons,
i’d be dead a million times over.

I’ll fall apart once again today like always.
My only strength is forcing my hollow shards together.
But there’s a little more of me missing,
because I’m so quick to give my shards away.

That’s fine, I’m used to not existing…
So please…
Do me a favor, ok?
Take the last few and place them on red.

For I’m a gambling man, you see?
With a revolver that’s oh so shiny.
One bullet spins round in the chamber,
I wonder how the dice will fall?

Click.

A bright, shining, feeling,
this girl, leaves me reeling.
All the cards she’s been dealing,
the pain, it’s been healing.

Little by little, I become new.
The sky above, shines so blue.
Our love is pure and true,
i’m stuck to her like glue.

Yet, one day, the sky turns gray.
It was a horrible day.
For the doctor showed her her way,
she was not to be here for much longer.

Why she did, I don’t know why,
but looking back it makes me cry.
She decided to tell a lie,
telling me “everything would be fine.”

The days passed by so fast,
I didn’t know they wouldn’t last.
If only she told me the truth,
if only i’d known she was dying.

Finally, the time came, she couldn’t hide.
Just like that, I was swept by the tide.
My world drowned with tears,
the woman I wanted to marry, was already taken.

Her name written on death’s note,
my love faded like the seconds.
Holding her hand, I felt her warmth,
I held it till that warmth was lost.

I laugh and I act and I'm me,
I'm everything that everyone wants me to be.
I smile and I lie and i'm me,
doing what everyone wants of me.

I'm happy,and nice, and nothing is ever wrong,
inside of my head--nothing but happy thoughts.
When you look at me, what do you see?
Nothing but a piece of photography.

Because what you don't understand,
Is you don't know the real me.
The one who has always been
hurt-ing, cry-ing, scream-ing.

The one that's been locked away,
deep inside his own misery.
The one that wants nothing more than to,
have someone set him free.

But I laugh and I act and I'm me,
I'm everything that everyone wants me to be.
I smile and I lie and I'm me,
doing what everyone wants of me.

I'm happy, and nice, and nothing is ever wrong,
or at least, that's what YOU think.
When you look at me I know what you really see,
is just some dumb, ugly, freak.

And deep inside, I hear you all laughing at me,
but it's ok, i'm so far gone, that i'm laughing too.

But it doesn't end there, at least not for me,
Because that kid is still trapped in his misery,
Waiting for someone to set him free,
Unable to see that all along,
He's always had the keys.

Humans really are so odd to understand
Can't someone just give them a hand?
It's quite painful to watch as they all
Try over and over to walk on the wall.

One foot in front of the other
They end up the same way so why bother?
Don't they ever get tired of failing?
It's like a train with no railing.

I think to myself "why do they continue to try?"
Wouldn't it just be easier to give up and cry?
And yet, even knowing it'd be easiest to quit,
they try over and over to reach the exit.

Suddenly, like magic, something changes.

Now they've learned to rely on each other.
And they are all climbing on top of one another.
And one by one they climb up that wall
and I realize that it wasn't too tall.

And thus, in my head, I think to myself,
I guess humans, aren't so bad, after all.

The faint scent still lingers in the bright sun-bathed room,
I can still feel the electric like tingle on my lips,
the world has never felt as great as it does right now,
I never, ever, want to leave this moment in time.

I think to myself about all of the moments in my life,
of all the things that have ever happened to me,
and while searching through the endless images,
I soon realize that they all pale in comparison to right now.

Her bright smile blinds me even from across the room,
I know that I must do everything to make this moment last longer,
sprinting down the room as fast as I posssibly can,
I barely manage to grab hold of her bright red sleeve,
and I take hold of more than just her hand, but of my future.

Startled, she looks back at me at first in terror, and then...
a gentle,warm, bright, happy, wonderfully-brilliant light shines,
and in this instant in time, I realize what i've created.
While leaning my face ever closer to hers, I seal this moment,
the best moment of my life.

Once upon a time,
someone solved a crime.
But the story that was told,
was really pretty old.

It was about this kid that died,
due to all his pride.
For you see he didn't listen,
and only wanted to glisten.

This led to his downfall,
with no one left to call.
For you see his fatal flaw,
was following the claw.

He wanted only to prove,
that he knew how to move.      
But now that kid is gone,
with every brand new dawn.

So to all of you out there,
listen to my swear:
If you don't pay attention,
and there is no relection,  
than you as well will find,
yourself stuck in a bind.

It's warm, and happy, and it's so bright
It makes you feel with your whole body
and brings only the light

When it's there you feel happy, young, and brand new
you want it to last forever, but even forever is too soon
It's this intense feeling that you never ever knew
and it's shown through people, wanting to spoon

And everyone around you has it and everything is so great
you're so happy for them , they've all taken the bait

Because now they're all ready to feed into lies
and they'll **** and they'll ****** till everyone dies
they'll watch as the blood drip drip drips out their eyes
like tears, but heavier, and filled with their crimes                              

But don't worry, this is what they wanted, and this is what they deserve
they left you there to rot and didn't care about your serve
So why does it hurt so bad, watching them all fall apart?
Like dominoes, stacked together, that were not ready to part              
                                              ­                                      

I don't understand this awful feeling, deep in my chest
Why am i hurting, when I wanted this?

And i know now, but by now it's too late
I'M the one, that fed them the bait
They were all so happy, and everything was so fine
but i couldn't stand to see all of them shine                            
                               ­                             
So instead I let the devil fill me with hate
and thus let my jealousy put my heart through the stake.

If i had one wish it would definitely be this
it would be to have everything dissolve
to not have to wonder about whats going to come next
I wish that someone would just heal them
can't you hear them all screaming "I'm suffocating" "trapped in these walls" "someone LET ME OUT"
But the sad ironic truth is that the harder you try to help them
the more trapped within these walls they become
it's because the one building the walls is themselves
I don't understand them at all, why are they asking to be helped if they are just going to hurt themselves more???
How can I help them if the one that's hurting them is their own voices
it's so unfair, I SWORE to protect them, but the harder I try the more they hurt
PLEASE SOMEONE JUST HELP THEM, I CAN'T STAND TO HEAR THEIR SCREAMS
Huh that's odd...when did the one screaming become me...

The sweet words echo over and over again in my head
"I love you" "I love you" "I love you" How sweet it is.
It's so nice until I wake up and realize i'm just in my bed.
I wish that feeling could last forever , because waking up feels like a major diss.

However, today is the day that i'm going to stop being lazy and try,
I don't want those words to forever evade me until the day that I die.
I don't want to be surrounded by my repetitive unsuccessful attempts,
instead I want to find somewhere where I can live and be kempt.

So I slip on my shoes and out through the door I go.
I'm ready to find that special someone that will sing me that sweet chorus:
"I love you" "I love you" "Oh how much I TRULY love you" And so,
Here I am, waiting by this dam, searching for my one true madam.

Time passes by, but this time I will try, my eyes will stay dry.
Because this time, I'm not ready to bleed grime, swallowed up like a lime.
This is when I make my stand, this is now my land, and I need a hand.
And finally among the horizon , there I see a beautiful amazon, standing there brazen.

And then out of nowhere it hits me like a ton of bricks.
After a sudden flash and my eyes have had enough time to adjust,
I realize that i'm dreaming in the day and that it's a trick,
and it's then that I decide that it would just be best to turn to rust.

OW it hurts so bad,
no one told me this is how it would feel,
the world makes me so mad,
I don't want them to heal.

No way I want them to suffer,
the same kind of pain they put on to me.
And it needs to be rougher,
something that they won't be able to see.

I know that it's wrong though,
to have these kinds of thoughts,
But the world is now my foe,
And now I have fought.

I can't say that I won,
But I know that I left a mark,
Because when I look up at the sun,
It's just a little more dark.

It feels so lonely nowadays,
Every time someone calls my name,
It's because of the raze,
That ruined all playing the game.

While not all of them died,
they were all severely marred,
and they all have cried,
But not I, For I wanted this.

While I never asked for this game,
or the scars it has left me,
I'm glad I got to participate,
Because i'm a monster.

I know that now.
I'm not like any of them.
Deeeeeeep inside of me,
there's nothing but stark, dark, kerosene

So maybe that's why it hurts so bad?
It must be.
It's because in all reality,
i'm nothing more than a battery.

Each and every day that passes by,    
I can't help but hear more cries.
As tears drop down their face they drown,
swallowed by the dark black crown.    
    
Thrown into this awful game, where all I know is hate and blame,
I won't let it deceive, the light recieved
As the time ticks by, and the blood turns dry,
I can still see, the love inside thee.

I know that this puzzle is too hard
But yet I can't give up, for they've been scarred
And I want to save them I swear I do
But something deep inside has turned to goo

It says deep in my blackened heart
that I couldn't tell was drifting apart:
"Hey, you know I might not dislike this,
this, endless maze that is so merciless"  

It wants revenge for those who've hurt it
It wants to get rid of all things bound to it
It knows no bounds only pain and suffering
It only truly knows the word suffering

And it turns your soul from A golden hue
To nothing more than an endless blue
Deep within this thing's inside me
Turning the bright light into negativity

In it's wake it's taken many lives
And I know it enjoys their cries
It makes me crazy to know it lives inside
But no longer will I let it hide

So to this second face I'm forced to wear
I challenge you to take my dare
"Just as you've put fear in the hearts of many
Watch as I bring light to more than plenty"

So in the end, I ask you this:
Who was the cat,
and who the mouse?
Was it the despair that sought to destroy,
or the hope that wished to protect?

I remember a time in my life not long ago
When it seemed like everything was so perfect
I couldn’t tell that the intense bright glow
Was so false…How could I have thought it could protect?

The world that I had known from the time I was born
Was nothing more than an illusion cast upon my eyes
I didn’t know that the world I thought I knew was so torn
Or that everything I had been told all my life was lies

I remember a time in my life not long ago
When I was so happy to be alive
But then it happened in an instant
And everything I thought I knew was turned upside down

The normal order of things was gone
My mother, my father, my sister and me
We were no longer the way we used to be
And If I could I would do anything to have those days back
To put it all back together again that would be
That would be
That would….

But that isn’t how the world works

It changes so quickly beneath your feet and everything you thought you knew
It        changes       inaninstant
Too fast for you to even comprehend







And Now I’m left here all alone
It’s just    me       myself    and      I
Far away from the world I once knew
Lost amongst the mornings harsh dew

I wish they all just knew the truth
That I try and I cry and I scream
And it feels like I’m bleeding iNTERNALLy
Through all these years and all these tears

I’ve finally figured out how to be happy again
And even though these thoughts still try to haunt me
And I’m scared of the future and what comes next
I know that even when I feel alone
No-One-Is-Ever-Truly-Lonely