I’m the kind of person who reads the terms and conditions before ticking the box
I’m well aware it’s mostly unnecessary
But the one day I don’t I know I’ll be in store for a shock
And when that happens
I’ll be sure to get whiplash from the backlash of ruining everything again
But I’ll offset that by sitting back on the beach
Staring into the oceans wide open door
With the overriding feeling of joyous relief that it’ll all be over soon
Probably by the time the tide washes over my feet
Despite the uncomfortable nature of knowing it’ll break your heart to watch me succumb to it all
The taste of salty water will never taste more apt
Becoming the much needed remedy to the wounds that’ll heal and turn into a full bloom
Maybe while you wait, you can download another meaningless app
Designed to make life easier
But is far more likely to induce a stress related heart attack
If you’re lucky though
You can end up existing on a life support machine in a cashless society
The lack of energy required is deliciously appealing to me
But I’d be understanding if that fate wasn’t what you dreamt of
Most girls envisage their wedding days
Not what age they’ll take up a rarely seen spare hospital bed
And there it is, that funny feeling
Of turning every eventuality into a morbid vacation to a deathly destination
All because it ironically makes me smile
I say to you it’s just harmless fun but when everything is said and done
I know you don’t believe me
You’re much more switched on than I’ve ever given you credit for
And with that hit of reality
My vulnerability heightens causing my chest to relentlessly tighten
As the consequences of trying to manipulate you one final time
Have become far too overwhelming to ignore
I guess that’s why I always end up coming back to you
A cynic would call it guilt but the romantic in me can’t walk away from what we’ve built
I know I make mistakes
I know what I say sometimes is hard to take
But I hope you believe me when I say this time
While we’re standing together in blissful silence on the shore
Taking pretty pictures of the sunset by the specifically placed trap door
That you’re the only person I ever want to call “mine”
And if you don’t see straight through me
We’ll be just fine

What if you died and took away all of your power?
‘Cause I’ve only just started to live
And I think that’s only because of you
Sheltered from the very beginning
You opened my eyes and now I’m listening
Telling me things that I’ve always wanted to know
My values have reversed and you’re complicit
****, I hope you know how much I’ll miss this
But where do I turn if I have to let you go?

Pour more fuel on the fire
My hearts burning with desire
I’m still hanging on to you for dear life
Holding onto those memories and wasted nights
Even though the pain hurts so much
It lets me know what I feel is still real
Waiting anxiously for the time you fall asleep
Hoping the moment never comes, but if it does
Know you’ll spend every second dreaming of me

It’s not too late to change your mind
Our love might be far away
But we’re forever entwined
Hold my hand
Can you feel it? can you feel it?
Please tell me,
That you can still feel this?
Then maybe I’ll find the strength to carry on

It looks from afar,
Or across this empty room to be exact
That you’re drowning in a pool of sorrow
Your desperation for subversion has worn thin
Since your lust for life got ****** straight into a black hole
Watching on as you have a crafty indoor smoke
You’ve got your feet up on the table
Basking in the daggers you’re receiving from the waitress
Make-up dripping down your face and your confused eyes buried in the floor
You couldn’t care less, in fact
It doesn’t look like you really care about anything anymore
Is it safe to say you’ve given up?

I can see you scrolling through your phone
Are you thinking about calling me? Or more likely
Submerging yourself in someone else’s make-believe news feed
Love, happiness, and greed
It’s all ******* but you can’t help soaking it up
If it helps fuel the validity to the previous night’s depravity
But I can’t fail to recognise
You’re so docile and I imagine, fragile to the touch
Maybe it’s ‘cause the butterflies that once fluttered have since died
And I’ll admit
Your deceit was almost impressive
So blissfully unaware of my presence
You didn’t once take your eyes off him
But I can still see myself, one day, going back for a girl like you
Slap bang in the middle of a midlife crises perhaps
Let’s call it 2042

Unfortunately
I miss the way you were with me
But I can’t think of a single thing I like about you now
You’ve made a fool of me one too many times
Combined with your incessant screaming
And your ****** up lies
That you blamed on my miscommunication
In a state of wild desperation
‘cause I caught you out
When I thought, stupidly
That you were mine

They say in the midst of a writer’s block
You should just talk about what you know
But what I know can be written on a postage note
I’m not interested in finding the antidote
Or getting lost in space
But my mind has been on a constant wander
A distance so far it could rival the Parsec at this rate
And to tell you the truth
Your constant chirping in my ear has spread to become a pain in my neck
Not life threatening for now
Although I’m feeling awfully close to becoming a victim by garotte
Which I’m sure is a form of strangulation the last time I checked
“Hahaha”
You look and laugh at me like I’m telling a throwaway joke
But your lack of concern only does its best to provoke
The rising resentment that is building up inside of me
You should really know better
When I’m in a vulnerable state of mind I lose the motivation to be kind
So I might as well tell you
Your apparent interest in me appears to be an act that’s unfeigned
To maintain relations because you thought we were destined to be aligned
But I’m firmly locked into a self-induced tunnel vision
That leaves the chances of us colliding an almost certainty
When I have to deal with the barrage of words
That are propelled from your tongue that’s laced in acerbity
And even with that said
Your face surprisingly lacks any hint of emotion
Like a glaring case of uniformity has overtaken you expressions
Apart from a small hint of ******* at this long overdue confrontation
As if you’ve been longing for this for quite some time
Maybe I got you wrong
Maybe you never loved me all along
And a small part of me is upset at that despite the fact I’ve long wished we had never met
In a rare case of prophecy you say I’m just trying to save face
And I’ve got more front than a double decker bus
Like one day you’ll expect me to yearn for a reconciliation between the two of us
I suppose if there was any doubt
It’s clear to see you’ve been struck with a heavy dose of delusion
Like you and Mr Psychosis during those heavy days in a purple haze
Have formed a potent collusion
That’s left you on the cliff edge totally wired for sound
… get it?
Who am I kidding? Your aura has shifted to despondency
So vivid and obvious
I’d be surprised if you could keep your eyes open let alone take part in colloquy
But I’d like to take the opportunity to thank you one last time
Because you’ve broken my writer’s block
Without you causing my head to meltdown
I’d be still sat here staring at the dilatory hands going around the clock

Sometimes I worry about being too clever for my own good
Even in my default mode of plain stupid
Acting useless when in fact I’m 100% faultless
Hellbent on achieving the ultimate diversion
In the aim to throw all stalking eyes off the scent
Of who I truly am, how I truly feel
But that doesn’t seem to matter now I’ve decided that we’re so different
..
Sometimes I worry about being too picky for my own good
I must be if mothers always demanding answers
Please don’t look so disenchanted, I promise
It’s nothing personal I’m just incredibly flawed
In the face of daily pressure to be adored
I guess, I like to revel in my own sweet loneliness
But that shouldn’t matter now ‘cause it’s clear that we’re so different
..
Don’t you think, yet another night in my company has turned sour?
The waiter was rude and if you look up, the filthy skies don’t half reflect the mood
Darkening at a rate much quicker than seconds in a sordid hour
I know it’s a longshot, but you must admit
I’ve got narcissistic tendencies?
The ones you can’t seem to articulate when put on the spot
But funnily enough
You’re convinced you can wrap your mind around all my issues
And one day be that person who can fix me
How predictably wonderful of you
..
There you go again
With nothing left to lose
Apart from what’s left of your declining dignity
Begging me to stay,
"please stay, stay, stay"
Even though I shouldn’t
When you look me up and down that way
I find your desperation too enticing to refuse
..
Drinking to forget what a coward I am
Only to find the same problem rears its ugly head when I wake
Don’t you know after such a ******,
It’s hard to control all the rattle and shakes?
When I have images of you and her circulating around my mind
Immorality and ***,
Flashing red like warning sign special affects
Causing mass panic in my hollow think tank
But still hoping in there will be some answers to find
Only to fall miserably short of the mark
..
When you eventually find out
I need you to know,
I’m sorry for all the things that I’ve done and said
I’m sorry
But I just couldn’t find a way to tell you
That I’ve been falling for somebody else instead

One more bill through the door and I’ll fall to bits
Counting my shrapnel is a serious business
That’s why I’ve got the Test Match on the wireless
I want no distractions
Apart from the girl next door shouting at her kids
A sound I find strangely soothing
As she fumbles around for any loose change
Hoping it’ll see her through to next month’s benefits
A tale of the obscene has become a somewhat depressing routine
Is this the reality of a life all grown up?
‘Cause I never dreamt it would turn out like this

Winter crept up and is now in full swing
And I get the feeling, although time is slipping by
Sometimes like it’ll never end
The long nights have taken control
Miles away from the stifling heat of a drawn-out summer
Sliding down the icy path of subjugated avenue
The streetlights are faulty
But the flickering light somehow enhances the view
Of a stylish couple in love, gazing skywards under the moon
I bet, they’re fantasising about life in outer space
Creating a civilisation in isolation might be hard
But it could be a sure-fire hit
And if anything, it can’t be any worse than a life like this
Without you

Cold sweat, deep regret
I can’t sleep without waking up in the middle of the night
Since the day you disappeared and left me to pick up the pieces
Forbidden thoughts of you and I have circulated around my mind
****, it keeps on happening all the time
And I don’t think it’ll ever stop
..
I hate the way you used to look at me
I hate the way you still make me feel
It’s true that I took you for granted
That’s why I’ve been trying so hard to forget you
‘Cause I was just fine living my life
With nothing going on in my head
But now you’re all that I think about
A bittersweet memory I can never forget

I’m not the kind of guy who’ll sing to you
But I’ll go ahead and play a tune
About how I looked up to the moon
And saw your image
Playing the drums under a half-baked sun
Did I mention you were cooped-up in a dessert spoon?
Looking deliciously inviting to everyone

Remember way back when we first kissed?
Our teeth clashed twice, and you bit my lip
You’d think I’d hate that memory
But if truth be told
I feel the complete opposite
And in that moment, I thought I conquered love
But the very next second I did something stupid to put you off
How ridiculously typical of me

All my friends told me you were trouble
I refused to listen
While I was trying to complete the impossible puzzle
Of your dismantled broken heart
Sharp to the touch like a glass shard
You found a way to spit it out on the floor
And like a fool I’d pick it up
And try to reassemble you one more time
In the hope I could complete you
In the hope I could make you mine

Even when you say you know
You never truly know
Until it happens to smack you between the eyes
‘Cause obviously I lied just to save face
While you stood in front of me emotionless
A face made like I was bitter to the taste
Like I meant absolutely nothing to you at all
… I guess it turns out you were just pretending