I sit staring blankly through my sunglasses,
The sun disappeared behind the clouds hours ago but still they stay,
Wondering if like these grey clouds we will get past this,
If like the weather life can promise us a better day,
If like the rain these tears will dry and bring new life,
If like the trees and the flowers a smile might blossom,
If we tend to the gardens of our life we have a chance in this fight,
But without the waters of your love the rose lays rotten,
I sit staring blankly at this grey cold world,
Reminding myself it hasn’t always been this way,
Wondering how the future will unfurl,
If like the weather life can promise me a better day.

I embraced the sensation filling my body,
That euphoria of pleasure running through me,
The realization that this isn’t reality,
Once again lost in a fairy tale fantasy,
So clear minded it could almost be sobriety,
But it’s so far from a perfect dream,
These unwanted urges and hated needs,
Hoping it’s hidden for no one else to see,
Without the potion I will never be pleased,
A taste on the tongue and I’m being teased,
Call it an illness or even  a disease,
I hope one day my mind will rest free.

A silent scream drowning out the noise
Hearing nothing but the echo of emptiness

I watched as the debris plowed through the river,
Like the past that haunts me never slowing,
Some pieces left behind forgotten on the banks,
Rotting away till there is not a trace to be found,
Are these logs the tales of our lives?
The river our time in this world of change,
I saw it was not the same by the end.
Smashed and broken these trunks all sank,
Letting time pass over without a care,
The debris of our lives resting on this riverbed.

He stood there shaking as the world passed by,
Like a chick in a nest unable to fly,
A fish in a net, a rat in a cage,
Simply observing whilst filling with rage,
Like a deer in the headlights waiting for impact,
Asking yourself why would he do that?
Like a dog on a leash tied to the peg,
A shark in a tank no need for a bed,
An animal trapped inside of this zoo,
That man who is living like me and you.

The drink that killed
He gripped so tight in his cold hand
Empty bottle held by an empty man

Desperate to find the feeling again
Remembering nothing since then
In denial that the glass is the enemy
Nothing compares to that moment
Killing yourself just to smile again

Kind to others never yourself
Intentionally destroying what’s left
Listening to the demons
Like one day they will care
Expecting a different outcome
Despite what history has taught

Moving closer to the end
Everything might make sense then.

Did you ever see me? The shadow of the man blinding the world with lies.
False promises of a better world and days that will make sense.
That happiness exists beyond fake smiles and momentary bliss.
This feeling of suffering is the only thing to make me feel alive.
The struggle and burden that drives me to make it through another day.
Because I am better than this and I am more than this.
Yet even in my own reflection there is standing a stranger.
No longer who I was but not the man I’ve become.
Some jaded limbo state my soul trapped in the twilight zone.
Do you even see me? The darkness that exists behind the blinding light.

The fire that’s burning creates it’s own path
Not knowing how long it is going to last
Though obstacles may come and get in the way
In ashes and dust they soon will be lay.

It is only your environment that is holding you back
Don’t rest with the ashes cold grey and black
Be like the flame leaving carnage in its wake
Charging through life as the master of your own fate

A petal in the wind, flapping and fluttering, just floating along.
Seemingly dancing through the forest, to the winds silent song.
Spinning through the flowers of the valley where  the river runs.
No control which direction, it’s beautiful mayhem, taken as it comes.

A moment of weakness is only a moment not the rest of our lives.

But it only takes one moment of strength for us to survive.

The future is constant, ever changing and free.

A story to be written and the author is me.

A chapter may come and a chapter may go.

One a success, the other a failure, who am I to know?

They can never be erased the ink has already set.

But with each comes a lesson I will never forget.

My futures my story and the author is me.

For only I can dictate what it will turn out to be.