I feel defeated.
I feel drained.
Everything is on my mind and nothing all at once.
I ignore it all and pretend to smile.
Pretending is harder than screaming.
Farther I dive into this deep abyss.
This deep abyss of sadness and regret.
Regretting not letting go when I was told to.
But in my adolescents I was a fool.
Now I'm laying here drowning in this bed.
A bed full of heartache and tears.
I will live like this for many years.
It all hurts so bad that I'm numb.
I know you're pricking me but I feel nothing.
All I want is to release it all.
To scream my mind.
But I'm not in that place.
So I'll sit here in this drowning bed.
Allowing my thoughts to actively swallow me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll change,
But today I want to stay this way.

I feel nothing.
Like a blank page.
Locked inside of a cage.
I can't figure out my life's destination.
I'm losing all concentration
My dreams are green of envy.
My thoughts aren't pure.
My rage is heavy.
I have no clear path.
No pavement before me.
I am standing here feelings God's wrath.
Singled out in a clearing.
Whispering curses that only the trees are hearing.
Scared to take a step.
Always fearing when God will strike next.
He laughs at my pain.
Pinning me to the ground in this chain.
I hate being locked in this cage.

You are the song stuck in my head. 
An unchanging tune where my heart is led. 
you are the first break of day. 
The light that shines through my sky claiming it's place. 
You are the moon that controls my ever moving tides. 
I love you like rain kissing roses collide. 
I am slowly fading into you,
Becoming lost in your soul. 
Becoming lost in YOU. 
I no longer see where you stop and I began. 
Everyone says I am a mad man, 
But being with you is climbing a mountain that seems like a hill. 
I am apart of you still. 
Breathing the intoxicating succulent nectar. 
You alone are my devoted protector.

A million words left unsaid.
A million thoughts piling in my head.
My tongue is weak.
From Lack of communication I truly seek.
Instead I just lay in my bed.
Thinking of different ways I can pound in my head.
Hoping my mind will stop racing,
But there's no one here to interrupt my pacing.
Back and forth, back and forth.
How much am I truly worth?
Never changing towards a different direction.
If only someone could show me a little affection.
Everyone's busy.
No one is around.
That's when I think the worst.
When will someone lift me from this curse?
I'm sitting next to you.
Can you see me?
You ignore me as if you can't even hear me.
I could hold my breath and you still wouldn't notice.
A limp body laying next to you
And you still could care less.
I'm not one to judge you,
But you could act like you give a ****

I have an addiction.
I can't survive without it.
Like a drug that makes my head light.
Like a drink that will never quench my thirst.
I've been living with this curse.
My addiction is hard to cope with.
Taking over my body.
Taking over my mind.
My heart just keeps pounding
Slowing it down may **** me.
Only you hold the key.
My addiction has a name.
Nothing that rhymes with seth.
My addiction is you.
My love I have for you is true.
I wake up and I crave a sip of your youth.
I know you are trying to save me,
But I'm lost and you can't set me free.
You are my addiction.
I'm high on loving you.
Please Don't tell me when my addiction is through.

Raindrops fell from the sky.
I tried to look away,
But my eyes I could not pry.
Staring down the clouds.
I watch a hand reach out.
Fear had struck me.
I stood still in my place.
Disbelief clearly on my face.
Not a single soul was around to see.
I tried to speak out.
But the God's ignored me.
For I am one being,
And a god is many.
Gold raindrops covered the streets.
I heard a loud cry.
That's when I realized.
These were not raindrops but tears.
They continued to fall from the sky.
A voice boomed with a defying sigh.
I couldn't imagine a god cry.
This was something out of the ordinary.
You never realize what burdens they carry.
Out of sight out of mind.
You never see how they portray mankind.
For this is the sniffles of the gods.
Defined against all odds.

Things got worse today.
I saw them take you.
I saw them drag you away.
My stomach feels sick.
I can't speak.
My throat has a lump in it.
I want to talk to you.
I want you back home.
You know I hate sleeping alone.
I had a dream of you.
I woke up in tears.
Tonight when I reached for you
You weren't there.
My heart broke today.
This is the second time it's happened.
I found out new things about you.
I'm trying to ignore them.
My mind is wandering perfusely
I'm doing my best to stop it.
Just give me a call tomorrow.
Let me know this will all be alright.
We were about to leave.
Start our lives off right.
Now we're at a stopping point.
And my throat still feels tight.
I want to scream at you.
I want this to all go away.
This new information you told me.
I want to ignore it and make it all okay.
Please someone help me.
Please tell me it's just a dream.
Because today I saw them take you.
They dragged you away from me.

Here at the cross roads
Which way do I go?
The opposite of the sunset?
Or the the way back home?
I close my eyes to think.
I let it all sink.
Do I continue on this road?
I'm ready for a change
Am I ready to leave?
Maybe Im not.
Am I ready to finally take this jump?
A jump into Oblivion
Into a world unknown.
Maybe I should just go back home.
Everything is normal.
Not one thing ever changes.
I think it's time for me to make my own decision.
It's time that I set out to be the person that I'm not.
To be a better me.
Mom, I hope you understand.
I've finally made my decision .
To be a better man.

You've made me laugh
You've made me cry.
But today I looked into your eyes.
Today I really saw you.
My whole world stopped,
And I let out a loving sigh.
You've saved me once or twice.
From myself I might say.
It's not easy loving me,
But you've done it so easily.
You've seen my darkest side
And you've heard my deepest secrets.
Still you hold onto my heart.
Even when you didn't always want to keep it.
I don't deserve you, love.
I probably never will,
But you're here with me still.
I've shoved and I've pushed
Scared of a love I've never had.
But you're still here with me.
You've finally made me see.
I'm grateful Just to have you.
You have loved me through and through.
The love that I owe you is long over due.

Today I sit under a tree.
The hot sun beating down on me.
I take a deep breath
Finding myself falling into a deep sleep.
My eyes grow weary
As I drown out every sound.
The ground underneath me slowly fades away.
I try to catch myself,
But my hands give way.
Flailing around and screaming
I remind myself I'm dreaming.
I do my best to wake up
When nothing happens I stand up.
I search for a door.
Anyway to get out of this place.
A voice whispers in my ear
"Anywhere you go you aren't safe"
Fear overwhelms me
Tears running down my face.
The voice whispers again,
"We've always been with you. We know of your every sin."
I tried my best to run.
The voices all seemed to be having fun.
"We've locked you up tightly. There's no where to go."
I screamed out "who are you friend or foe?"
"We're the demons in your head."
Finally I understood.
They set up a trap so well.
They wanted to keep me here.
So that they could feed immensely on my fear.
I wouldn't let that happen.
I couldn't die here.
I woke up from my nap
Drenched in sweat
My thoughts still clouded from fear.
I decided from that day on
My demons will no longer live here.

As I sit in this fire
I realize it's what I've always desired.
Ive stranded myself in this hell.
In here is where I dwell.
It's crowded in this room.
I know I won't get out of this soon.
You see, I created my own hell.
Just for me. Not anyone else.
It's I who must suffer.
Only me alone.
Each passing day the fire takes a new tone.
I wish that I could go back.
Back to the place I once called home
But I burned it to the ground.
I messed up when I lost my self control.
My pain got a hold of me.
My anger was a release.
Everything about it was a little bittersweet.
I started getting scared.
My family did too.
I tried to play it off.
I did the best I could,
But I was an open flame
When I caught myself in the mirror.
All I could see was shame.
The pain just kept on coming
The God's I called summoning.
No one ever answered.
I don't think they cared.
So I chose this for myself.
That's why I'm stuck here.
Living in my personal hell.

Stuck in this bottle.
Where do I go?
I feel like I've lost all control.
This feeling it hurts.
I wish I could show.
My thoughts are consuming.
They even overflow.
This bottle is small.
My  aspirations are to large.
I wish I could finally take charge.
My mind was once beautiful.
My heart was once pure.
This world tore me apart.
It left me nothing more.
Just a little light to fix these dark clouds.
I'm all out of fight.
I started getting used to the night.

Every night I lay awake.
I can't sleep.
My mind takes me to this place.
I ache to be in your presence.
It pains me that I'm not in your arms.
I hate waking up without you.
It makes me not want to wake up at all.
My days drag on so long,
But at night it's even worse.
I lay here and think about you.
I wish to have just the slightest touch.
My hours drag on.
My mind is constantly moving.
I pray every night that god sends you back my way.
Since you've been gone my heart has been empty.
I have this unfulfilling abyss.
It constantly reminds me I'm sleeping beauty waiting for that kiss.

I wasted my time.
Drowning myself in my mind.
Rationalizing my demons.
Forgetting not to feed them.
I grew weak.
Everything inside of me started to shriek.
Like an alarm warning me, so to speak.
I was blindly running.
Bumping into everything, and my well fed demons found it funny.
Not one edge of my world was clear.
So I kept running out of fear.
I tried to find a way out.
I did everything I could.
But I lost sight of myself.
No one could save me.
I had to make a decision.
I had to finally be free.
I woke up from this dreary dream.
My demons still haunt me.
They scratch and they scream.
But I hold them prisoners.
Just as they once held me.

It's staring up at the sky.
Watching as the waves go by.
A single tear rolls down your face.
Everything seems so simple.
There's not a single soul in place.
The wind blows by, but I'm still numb inside.
It's like everything has died.
The world seems in so much peace.
Thats when it all crashes down on my feet.
Picking up the pieces.
That's when i notice yours is missing.
Floating away in an oblivion dimming from the living.
This dock starts sinking.
My conscious is slipping.

Relax and let go.

Lay back.

Look deep into your soul.

Get lost in the course of the river.

Imagine your thoughts quiver.

Look deep, but do not drown.

Touching your soul can be dangerous.

You have to watch the countdown.

You have to be tedious.

You have to be serious.

If you lose yourself while getting intact with your soul

No light will ever find you.

You're lost.

This world will let you go.

A smile and a kiss
Your love I won't forget.
Like a pink cloud waiting to set.
It's days like these I'm gonna miss.
This isn't goodbye, and this isn't forever.
The sun will rise,
And we'll be together.
A touch of your skin reminds me of sin.
Our worlds may cross.
Not always will we be together,
But every pink cloud waiting to set
Reminds me of the days I will never forget.

Her eyes burn with a fire.
Like a passion you can't resist.
The warrior awakens.
The opponent is found unfit.
She strikes out a laugh.
The kind you don't forget.
Like a cry to the gods,
Letting them know the war is about to begin.
Her beauty strikes you in your spot.
Freezing you lost in thought.
She makes the first move.
Dangerous and cocky.
Wind in her hair,
Breathing down your neck.
The last thing you see before your untimely death.
It doesn't take long for this warrior to win.
Every battle field she crosses she reaches the other end.
Filled with rage and the passion of fire.
Striking down anyone in her way of what she desires.

As I lay here,
Concentrating on the sound of your snores.
Listening to the background music of our fan.
Holding you close tonight.
Smelling the mix of our sweat
from the nights summers heat.
I close my eyes and think.
Thinking of your every heartbeat.
This is my favorite thing you see?
Staying up late as you soundly sleep.
I trace your face.
Falling in love more and more every night.
There's something about it.
So innocent and so pure.
It leaves me wanting more and more.
Like getting drunk on power.
It's different though.
Very much, almost completely.
Like I'm drowning in a pool made of gold.
So rich and so meaningful.
Everyone's longing for it,
But this is my secret gold.
My personal power to intoxicate through my skin.
Breathing in the world your arms alone provide.
I know I should sleep,
But watching your innocence peek
Is much more pleasing
It's a nightly ritual that I soak up your soul.
Because every night I fall in love.
Like a fool soaking in a pool of gold.

I've been on this river
For as long as forever.
I look around to see
All of nature surrounding me.
I lay back to think.
But when I think I tend to slowly sink.
Today is a bit different.
I do not catch myself when the rushed waves consume me.
I kind of let go.
I let my reality swallow me.
Forever is a long while
So I ask the gods to forgive me  
A shallow whisper tends to creep into my ear.
I close my eyes, and I concentrate to hear.
The voice does not say much.
Only how its longed for me to finally be free.
To hear the voices.
To let my thoughts, and the river consume me.
It was strange that I felt comfort.
It was strange all around.
I've never heard this voice before, but it has the sweetest sound.
I guess it must have been different to let myself think.
I don't see it as suicide.
I only see it as being set free.
Yesterday was forever away.
Only because today was different.
No longer do I feel dazed.
Because the voices say
I no longer have to be different.

I got tired.
So I let go.
I didn't think twice about letting you know.
My thoughts got to heavy.
My heart did too.
I'm constantly wandering in a world unknown.
My head is spinning.
These words unraveling.
Spilling from my core to an oblivious world.
Not a second glance.
Not even a long stare.
Walking in circles against my own will.
Everything is clashing.
My vision impaired.
Introduced to a blackness
I can't tell if it's even real.
Locked in a cage with nothing to hear.
No wind whispering close to my ear.
Blinded and lonely.
Death do I wish near,
But life is all that's left.
Nothing ever dies here.