Gazing into the world above..
She hides in her familiar darkness...

Looking and waiting.

Trying to avoid anything that reminds her...
Of him.

She still looks for him.

The ground below her starts to fill up.
Her falling tears, start to flow...
Like a river
In the sewer below.  

The Bird is back...

She will never be called back...
His little sewer rat...

Every moment of my life,

I think of him
I ache for him
I look for him
I wait for him
I cry for him
I beg for him
I pray for him
I trust him
I miss him
I dream of him

He is the only one...
That I say,
"I love you".

"Remember... Remember, the 5th of November..."

The Universe brought us together almost two years ago.

Such a perfect pair that it caused a disturbance to everyone around us...

I held on-- hoping and praying that you would know and find out...
Admitting to things I did not do, just so I can have more time with you.

My heart is broken, more than before.
Now, I just want to sleep and not be awake anymore.

My love is gone...
Everything is dark...
My universe is gone...

Searching...searching...
I am lost...
Where is my light?

Nowhere...

The darkness grows, as I keep searching for my Beacon of hope...

When will I go to sleep?
Sleep is what stops this living nightmare...

When my eyes open...
It starts all over again...
Pure heartache and sadness..

My soul will always search for him...

Not proud of myself,
Not even in a small fraction.

He is my Universe.
The only Universe that has seen my world...
Feeling the Rise of promises...
That were Over Run with emptiness...
Causing so many emotions.
My equation never worked out to prove that my Statements of love were always True.

I will always Love you..

I try to avoid working in the area he is in...
Picking up orders to deliver...
My route sometimes takes me near him...
I pass by the main street I would turn to get to him...
He is right there!
So close!
I want to leap out of my car and run to him...
As my car continues on the path to deliver Door Dash...
My heart and my soul leaves me and wants to go towards him...
I can't...
All I can do is cry...

All that is left are the painted memories...
The few canvases that I have were blank...
Now, I paint them with memories of him...
of us.
Will I get a chance to give them, before I go?
Or, will they be delivered by a postal worker... A stranger? That they will have no idea what memories are painted inside...

Will he keep them?
Will he miss me?
Miss me enough to reach out to me?
Before I have to leave?
To make love to each other?
Even one last time?

I continue to paint the memories.
On the canvass...
With my tears...

Like a stereo system, the red & black wires work in unison...
To bring out what it produces within.

Whatever happened way back when...
Only allowed negative to grow within.

I held on, hoping to see something else than the black wires that only grew in him.

... But I didn't last long enough...
To be there when he finds the red positive end.