It could have been so wonderful
To me, it was like a dream
I walked into this with no fear
Oh I was such a fool

We could have been so happy
I wish I never asked what we are
It was easier to not be looking far
But you wanted to set me free

I could have been alive
I am not free, I have one foot out the door
I can't accept my life anymore
Can't fool myself, you were heartbreak from the moment you entered my sight

I hope you don't feel the same way I feel about you
Because I don't want you to suffer as I do

Got a birthday to celebrate
Got a match to go to
Got a school to end
Got a job to do
Got a competition to compete
Got a life to live
But that won't stop me
But I can't let that stop me from reaching my goal
But I can't let that stop me from killing myself

"How are you?"
Oh how I dread this question
I will reply: I'm still alive, you?
I will reply: I'm still breathing
But in reality
I'm barely with my eyes seeing

I don't want to **** myself today
I don't know if I want to be happy
I feel nothing but tired
I feel at least something when I suffer

I'm only alive
Because others are trying
To keep it that way
Was it up to me
I'd already be dead

I'm sorry
There was a time for okay
This is the time for okay
I will **** myself and that's okay
You will move on and that's okay
You will all thrive and that's okay
You will all move on and that's okay
You will be okay
I'm sorry

I wish I had done it
When emotions were on the high
When I had more reasons why

I wish I could commit
But sadly I backed down
Hard to go back now

I wish I wasn't scared
But I let the timer run out
When I had too much doubt

I wish I had killed myself
But now I'm too stable to do it
Yet I don't think I want to live

My knife
Once a gift
Now my tool
My blade
Once for protection
Now for relief
My razor
Once pristine
Now rugged
My knife
Once shiny
Now stained red on the edge

Nothing on my wrist
No wristbands that you made
But my love for you is still the same
Didn't slice my wrists then
Despite of how much I want them
No wristband from my dad
Even though how much I wish we had

The knife slides in
Oh what a pain

The knife is turning
Oh please remain

The knife is *****
Oh what a relief

The knife is me
Oh I grind my teeth

The knife is a gift
Oh there is no other way

The knife is swift
I want to pass away

I have been mislead
Into false sense of assurance
Hope I have been fed
Now you won't be there
Please stay
Just one more time
Just one more day
No more can I shine
It felt better that way
I hold no grudge
Make me feel safe again
I can change however much

My existence is worthless
I provide nothing of value
I only consume
I am the perpetrator
Of this parasitic society
I am the victim
Of the consumerist manipulation
I create nothing of value
I only consume
My death will not be marked
With art left behind
Or with achievements of mine
Nothing will change
Once I will die

I'm addicted
To sadness

Music is better
When it makes me cry

Starring at the ceiling is better
When I hope I won't get up

Parties are more fun
When I hide my emotions

Dressing up is more exciting
When I cover my scars

Being alive is better
When I cut myself

I wish I could be happy
But I can't
So I'd rather suffer
Than feel nothing at all

She will be partying
I will be drinking

She will be dancing
I will be cutting

She will be laughing
I will be bleeding

She will be talking with others
I will be watched over by others

Because She knows I'm not worth crying over
And I know She was my only and now it's over

I wish I could take others' pain upon myself
So that my suffering wasn't so useless

I saw a man standing
Lonely at the hospital gate
Only black he was wearing

Very intrigued I was
Even though I didn't see his face
Saw that he in his hand something had

Eventually I came closer
Laid my hand on his shoulder
Face of his was a skull, the Grim Reaper

"Hey, I didn't come for you yet"
Alas I came to you
Ripped skin on my body was my ticket

Make me dissappear, make me dead

They aren't proud of me
They aren't happy to see me
They aren't glad I'm here
They are keeping me alive

They have nothing to be proud of
They have no reason to be happy
They have no glad in them
They just feel bad for me

She doesn't fight for what we had
She doesn't want me back
She doesn't need me
She loves me no more

I offer nothing to fight for
I offer nothing to come back to
I offer nothing of need
I love her to death

I will **** myself

Looking for rolling hills
North of my home, south of the sea
Hoping I will find the previous me
Knowing well that view kills

Knocking mentally on doors
To where I'm longer invited
Hoping I will be with others reunited
But noone's answering the knocks

Searching for things I used to taste
Meals I have eaten and enjoyed
Plastics that I have once with toyed
Hoping for the childhood I waste

I only search for things far gone
That are simply no more

Too tired for anything
Too tired to get myself a drink
Too tired of looking at my horrid self
Too tired to get up from bed another day

It's sunny up there
Up above the clouds
Maybe this is where
I will settle on a soft mound

It's peaceful up there
Beautiful blue sky
No rain like here
To live there'd be nice

It's where I want to go to
No sadness like I experience
I know what I must do
Maybe heaven will make the difference

How does it feel to dream?
Do you feel judged by your peer?
Because I often do
I often don't want to go with it through

How does it feel to have a vision?
Believe that you have your own mission
Because I like that feeling
But many peoples ears aren't open to hearing

I like it when someone has their own ideas
And when they see things not often like us
It has come to me that we don't have visionaries
And it is with great sadness I say we made it like this

The moment I saw the weakness of my cells
I attempted to get rid of my past self
I cast my puniness down into the hellfire
And build anew a man better than the prior

The demons of the bygone era taunt me still
But of steel I must build a will
Mindset of tungsten, muscles of titanium
A face of stone and a brain of new

Yet I am reminded of how irrelevant I am
No better than just another miligram to a kilogram
Never will I achieve perfection
And for this reason I feel no satisfaction

Yet apathy to ones fate is disgusting
I can't allow myself to become such a thing
For me giving up is more tiring
Than it is not trying

I dragged all of you with me
Welcome to my sick ride
You will feel guilty
When I will die

Will my works be appreciated?
Before I lay in my grave, dead
Will anyone read my works before I pass?
Doubt that, I was not made to last

I don't think you understand
That my heart has already chosen
And it doesn't need to make sense
There is no going backward

You want me to move on
You say it's for my own good
But I have to myself be true
My love weighs more than a ton

We both can't let go from this
At least you're doing better than me
But I don't see life without we
I would die for You is what it is

You want me to be proud of I
Once I fix my life and my dedication
But you need to understand it's addiction
So I will wait for you while I cry

You saw all of me
You read all of me
You met all of me
You left me

You made me whole
You made me happy
You made me me
You left me

You know I love you
You know you love me
You know we both love another
You left me

You made the choice
You broke up
You are not at fault
You left me

I love You
I live for You
I die for You
I will **** myself