I hope you don't feel the same way I feel about you
Because I don't want you to suffer as I do

Got a birthday to celebrate
Got a match to go to
Got a school to end
Got a job to do
Got a competition to compete
Got a life to live
But that won't stop me
But I can't let that stop me from reaching my goal
But I can't let that stop me from killing myself

"How are you?"
Oh how I dread this question
I will reply: I'm still alive, you?
I will reply: I'm still breathing
But in reality
I'm barely with my eyes seeing

I don't want to **** myself today
I don't know if I want to be happy
I feel nothing but tired
I feel at least something when I suffer

I'm sorry
There was a time for okay
This is the time for okay
I will **** myself and that's okay
You will move on and that's okay
You will all thrive and that's okay
You will all move on and that's okay
You will be okay
I'm sorry

I wish I had done it
When emotions were on the high
When I had more reasons why

I wish I could commit
But sadly I backed down
Hard to go back now

I wish I wasn't scared
But I let the timer run out
When I had too much doubt

I wish I had killed myself
But now I'm too stable to do it
Yet I don't think I want to live

Nothing on my wrist
No wristbands that you made
But my love for you is still the same
Didn't slice my wrists then
Despite of how much I want them
No wristband from my dad
Even though how much I wish we had

I have been mislead
Into false sense of assurance
Hope I have been fed
Now you won't be there
Please stay
Just one more time
Just one more day
No more can I shine
It felt better that way
I hold no grudge
Make me feel safe again
I can change however much

I wish I could take others' pain upon myself
So that my suffering wasn't so useless

Looking for rolling hills
North of my home, south of the sea
Hoping I will find the previous me
Knowing well that view kills

Knocking mentally on doors
To where I'm longer invited
Hoping I will be with others reunited
But noone's answering the knocks

Searching for things I used to taste
Meals I have eaten and enjoyed
Plastics that I have once with toyed
Hoping for the childhood I waste

I only search for things far gone
That are simply no more

Too tired for anything
Too tired to get myself a drink
Too tired of looking at my horrid self
Too tired to get up from bed another day

It's sunny up there
Up above the clouds
Maybe this is where
I will settle on a soft mound

It's peaceful up there
Beautiful blue sky
No rain like here
To live there'd be nice

It's where I want to go to
No sadness like I experience
I know what I must do
Maybe heaven will make the difference

The moment I saw the weakness of my cells
I attempted to get rid of my past self
I cast my puniness down into the hellfire
And build anew a man better than the prior

The demons of the bygone era taunt me still
But of steel I must build a will
Mindset of tungsten, muscles of titanium
A face of stone and a brain of new

Yet I am reminded of how irrelevant I am
No better than just another miligram to a kilogram
Never will I achieve perfection
And for this reason I feel no satisfaction

Yet apathy to ones fate is disgusting
I can't allow myself to become such a thing
For me giving up is more tiring
Than it is not trying

I dragged all of you with me
Welcome to my sick ride
You will feel guilty
When I will die

Will my works be appreciated?
Before I lay in my grave, dead
Will anyone read my works before I pass?
Doubt that, I was not made to last

I don't think you understand
That my heart has already chosen
And it doesn't need to make sense
There is no going backward

You want me to move on
You say it's for my own good
But I have to myself be true
My love weighs more than a ton

We both can't let go from this
At least you're doing better than me
But I don't see life without we
I would die for You is what it is

You want me to be proud of I
Once I fix my life and my dedication
But you need to understand it's addiction
So I will wait for you while I cry

You saw all of me
You read all of me
You met all of me
You left me

You made me whole
You made me happy
You made me me
You left me

You know I love you
You know you love me
You know we both love another
You left me

You made the choice
You broke up
You are not at fault
You left me

I love You
I live for You
I die for You
I will **** myself