I want to see chalkdust
made from their skull(s).
beat that(those) thing(s) against the asphalt.

I want to cut open their skin
and pull their muscles out.
Carefully;
slippery-
disgustingly,
like slugs.

I want to make them feel really ******.

You know
because I shouldn't feel bad
unless everyone else feels bad too.

Which I suppose is sort of rude,
and makes me feel a little worse.
but how do I explain to them how I feel
without crying
and going on like,
"you hurt my feelings".

I've sat here and said nothing
for however many years old I am
and I can keep doing it.
But it feels like its time to say something
or do something,
and most times I don't know what to do
but contemplate extinction

I went into the darkness
so I'd be blind to my sorrow,
but I could still feel it all over my skin.

I went into the light,
thought that it might,
you know,
maybe burn it away.
but my sorrow took comfort in shade.

And it follows me now in the form of my shadow
it's stuck to me wherever I go.

And it's been a long time that I've carried this burden.
So you might think I'd be stronger and maybe be learning,
but it pains me now to say-
that things haven't gone that way.
Oh no, all I've done
is smoke to my face
'til my brain is
waste.

I can think of six different girls named Chelsea,
and I think every single one is a beauty

But I ain't never gotten along with someone by the name of Mary.

And they tell me not to judge a book by its cover.
And I mean I can think of a couple a people I met,
Who I didn't like at first glance.
And maybe I just looked at 'em the wrong way,
or maybe they were just having a bad day-
that first time.

But I can tell you,
I've seen plenty of people
and the first thing about 'em that I knew
was that I didn't like 'em.
And it was true.

(So either
you can judge a book by his cover
or I got xray vision)  
end sarcasm.

I mean your cover is what you present to the world
why wouldn't I judge you by it?
it's just that this thing
(judging)
is like EVERYTHING
you do in life.

Sometimes you **** up.

Judge all them covers I say.
If you feel like it anyway.
Just don't be a ******* ******* about it.

You are dead now
and that is strange to me.
Because you will always be a memory
of my childhood.

Had not seen you for how
long?  
And you were still a memory.

We won't meet for many more years now,

Unless it's as children
fifteen years ago,
and in my mind.

Really what I wanted to say though,
is everything is good.
You were always good.
If you are dead and you're wondering what people thought of you while you were alive.
Here it is in writing.
You were always good.

Sometimes I don't like being alive
And I think it's because I'm just not so great at living.
I thunk I used to be better at it because I think I v used to like it.

It's hard to like something you're not good at it
And it's hard to like being lost and it's hard to like being alone.

I want to be young and wild and free but I just always feel tired and I just want to distance myself from reality and never see anyone else again and forget that I'm even a human.

It would be nice to sit in a cave getting drunk and high by myself for the rest of my life but I think the only way that could ever happen is if I was a shaman and I don't think people belive in those anumoee. Only as novelties. Everything is novelties and then you move on.

Maybe I just need a girlfriend.  But who wants the weird quiet 25 year old who only k own how to work in restaurants and still lives with his dad? I ain't found her yet.


Blahblahblshblahblah.

But you see I am to God
as an atom is to me.
We’re all just swimming
in a living sea.

So Adam is my Dad
while God is my Father.
Canceling the difference
between blood and holy water.

look at you
miss i'm on top of the world.



I remember when we were wild
Girl, you tried to have my child
And your body was so full of poison
the baby died before it ever even took a breath.

so don't ******* talk to me like I'm not worth the time of day.
you tried to combine us
your body literally ******* accepted my DNA
and combined it with your DNA
and created a brand new human
from the both of us.
And I won't deny at first I wasn't ready and I asked if you were going to get an abortion.
But once you told me you didn't want one,
regardless of if I was ready
I was going to be there for my child.
And you ******* killed my child
and your child
and our child.

so don't ******* speak to me in that tone.


And I hope you don't read this because I know if you did you would be sad.
And I don't want to make you sad.
I'm just furious at you and I want to express myself.
Just please stop ******* talking to me in that ******* tone of voice.

I'm only angry because I care about you and you make me feel like ****.

I hope you don't read this because after you are done being sad you will bring up
all of the things I've ever done wrong
and then i won't be angry.
I'll just feel ******.

You are a beautiful person and I take it all back.

But really though,
either shut your ******* mouth forever,
or whatever.
Just don't talk to me like that anymore.

I love you.

I want to
Be a tree
And grow
As a seed
In the ground.
I willl dig a hole with my bare hands and plant myself
And lay there as my veins poke holes through my skin and spread into the soil
Seeking sustenance.
And then I will slowly twist upward and turn myself inside out
And emerge from the ground
As a trunk with bone white bark.
And then I will grow towards the sun.
And maybe one day I blossom
And the blossom will turn into a fruit
And the fruit will ripen and hit the ground.
I will push my way out of the fruit leaving my treeself behind
Maybe that would make me feel whole again.

"every body just stirrin the ***.
an everybod else jus sits there an watches em.
is ridiculous.
complainin bout bein treated like sheep and then
a person goes and says something
purely
just ta getcher goat
and you just start bleatin like one.
with the rest of the herd bleatin right there beside ya.
Each one of you lookin' at the rest and callin' 'em sheep.
Be it bah or bleat, ya'll just a bunch of farm animals me.

"What I mean to say is-
Every body saying things that are true
but only from a certain perspective.
if it's only true a certain way,
then it's a lie in certain light as well.
It ain't truth 'less its universal.
if it ain't universal it ain't true enough to be truth. "

I only like normal people.
I only like average people.
I like good ****.
I like smoking **** before
Smoking ****.
I like normal people.
I like predictable people.
I like sitting around doing nothing all day
And going to work and watering plants
Because it’s easy.
I like normal people.
I like easy people.
I don’t like the schemers
Or the dreamers
Or anyone in between.

Have become a love not forgotten,
but buried somewhere that pains your mind to find
and recollect them.

Last year when I saw those flowers
I was feeling better.
And last year when I saw those flowers,
I remember I thought I was feeling better
the last time I saw those flowers.

And it makes sad
and it ****** me off
to think that maybe next year I will look at them
and think of now
and think
things were better then.
When right now I just feel nothing.

And I don't remember feeling anything since before I even knew what a magnolia was.

Hi,
my name is me.
I live
at the bottom of the sea.
I never thought I'd be
the one;
I never thought I'd see
the sun.

Girls with long hair
Who cut their hair
And have short hair.
And girls who have prettier sisters.
And girls who are prettier than their sisters
But their sisters are smarter
And sometimes they don’t have sisters
And they are just self centered.
But I guess my brothers are smarter and better looking than me
So it doesn’t even make a difference.

I seek rare exotic creatures
that I am convinced I am in love with
and when I finally find them
I cage them and
don't tell them why
I'm starving them
of their freedom.
And when they escape
I say
good ******* riddance.

And next thing I know I'm chasing after this rare exotic creature all over again
wondering why I ever let them go.

I have this weird desire to open everyone's third eye.
Only I feel like
as soon as they were all opened I would stick a needle in each one's pupil.

Anyhow a shot at man in the dark
is just a shot at a man in the dark.
If you don't take it you won't hit him.
And if you do shoot you might miss him.
So don't look,
listen.

I can think of six different girls named Chelsea,
and I think every single one is a beauty

But I ain't never gotten along with someone by the name of Mary.

And they tell me not to judge a book by its cover.
And I mean I can think of a couple a people I met,
Who I didn't like at first glance.
And maybe I just looked at 'em the wrong way,
or maybe they were just having a bad day-
that first time.

But I can tell you,
I've seen plenty of people
and the first thing about 'em that I knew
was that I didn't like 'em.
And it was true.

All I've got left is the earth and the sky
and all the visions been burnt in my eyes
and as someone once said
what is the point if in the end you can never win.
and I keep going down
and keep getting up again
but what is the point when one day you will fall and
that will be the end and you won't get up and then

and then maybe you will just lay there
and maybe you will be at peace.
or maybe there’s better things to do.

But all I’ve got left is the earth and the sky
and all the visions been burnt in my eyes.
and nothing better to do.
and as someone once said
“There is no point"
So I think I’m just going to lay down
and be at peace.

He was tired of the ordinary and he wanted something new.  
He wanted to hear the sound of the moon.  
He wanted to taste the tides.
     The sound of the cacti growing in the desert was like music to his ears,
but he could not remember anymore exactly just what it sounded like.  
He wanted to go back to when he did not have to remember
because he could hear it always,
but he could not go back.  

Time had put him where he was
and he could not turn back time, but it was not just a matter of that.
  He knew that somewhere he had lost his understanding of himself, and with it
his conception of the world
became skewed.  
He did not properly understand
the instrument with which he experienced the world
so he was not appropriately situated to judge what he experienced.  
Once he understands what he is
he sees his flaws.
he sees other things too.
    
The rays of the sun fell in a multitude of rays through the trees,
the canopies acting as a colander; taking up most of the rays
but allowing some to slip through
where small trees and shrubs seemed to congregate.
One of the rays fell on the boy
and as it did he opened his eyes
he was no longer a boy.

I’m looking at this picture of Tristan
And I don’t know who he is yet
And I’m looking at the front of the book
And he’s got this twinkle in his eye
And this smirk that says
“I know something you don’t know”
in a singsong voice.

and it says on the back cover
that he died when he was 34
but why did that happen?
It doesn’t say;
they almost pretend he is alive even though
He has been dead for years.
So I looked it up on wikipedia and it sounded like
A dream.

"And then when he was 34 he put the shotgun in his mouth
And his daughter wasn’t even
Talking yet"

Put the seed in the soil and a tree starts a sproutin’
Put the egg in the nest and the bird comes about and
I’ve spent the past few years yelling at god from this mountain
Saying where in hell have you been oh lord

I can think of six different girls named Chelsea,
and I think every single one is a beauty

But I ain't never gotten along with someone by the name of Mary.

And they tell me not to judge a book by its cover.
And I mean I can think of a couple a people I met,
Who I didn't like at first glance.
And maybe I just looked at 'em the wrong way,
or maybe they were just having a bad day-
that first time.

But I can tell you,
I've seen plenty of people
and the first thing about 'em that I knew
was that I didn't like 'em.
And it was true.