Staring into those onyx eyes
They pull me in
Simply captivate me

The longer I gaze
More seems to reveal

Unconditional love glares
Reminding me of the why
With no words spoken

Fear and anxiety sweat from the corners
Comfort needed through presence
Purpose restored

Joy illuminates brightly toward me
Life makes sense
Even for just a moment

Look beyond
Find everything
Right in front of you

They say my effortless humor brings tears to the eyes and pain to the cheeks

They say my wit and wisdom is an advanced force well beyond my years

They say my eyes are deeply mesmerizing and my smile is infectious

I say I’m a clown with dark agony hiding under the paint

I say basic knowledge taunts me behind disguised doors

I say my body is absorbing destruction and I am to blame

Confused souls
Setting off conflicting sparks in my brain
They do not know why I am
I do not know who I am

Bonds formed among tragedy
Never welcomed
Always unfair
Remarkable in an unexpected way

Life should have turned out different
Many tears have been shed
Bargaining that idea
To any being that would listen

Mothers need not worry
Raised almost methodically
Equipped with pieces the other needs

What was stolen
Replaced by an entity with no label
Resembling a sisterhood

Well hello there baby blue.
How did you get here?
Where did you come from?
You are clearly far from home.
I’m sure your momma misses you.

Im sorry I don’t know where you belong.
But I might know a safe place for you.

Sure, I’d take you in.
I certainly have enough love, space, and time to give.
However,
This other place is best.

Hey there baby blue,
Don’t you look warm.
I see you’ve met your momma.
You’re welcome.

Silence seen
Is screaming hidden.
Tucked away
In a private unlit place
Designed to destroy
Impure thoughts like a virus.

Yet not far out of reach
Purposeful,
To release built up tension
Like disturbed carbonation from a can.

Excitement
Seeping
Every unguarded
Tormented region
Slowly
Disentangles

Just the thought
Provokes uproar
In mind and body

Lips traveling down my neck
Sensation firing through my spine
Like a breeze on a crisp night.

Fingers combing their way through my hair
Forcing my head back
Accepting every touch
Feeling the tickle
Of every single nerve
Launching and exploding
Like a firework show.

Maybe,
Just for tonight
We absorb and relish in the desire.

Maybe tomorrow,
We can take on complicated.

Confession is necessary,
For this should no longer bother.
In times of fear and uncertainty,
Introverts everywhere are thriving.

Though I miss the ones who surround me,
Daily 9 to 5.
The air now fills my lungs with inspiration,
Life has more sustenance.

Culture has been introduced.
Reading supplies adventure.
Hobbies create fulfillment.
Learning requires time.

Before...none of this touched me,
Lost in the scattered monotony.
Not wanting to deprive my nerves,
My hope contradicts the masses.

I feel guilty and selfish,
Absorbing it while I can.

Sometimes I close my eyes
I see you smiling, crying, laughing
It’s as if you are in the room with me
Happiness and fulfillment swallows me

Imagination filters through moments
Milestones for you and me
By your side always, without convincing
Purpose has given me insight

Eyes can’t seal forever
Fantasy must come to an end
Realization sets in that it was all pretend
Heartache shatters me

Thoughts of you keep me going
One day it will be real
There is no other option
The void must be filled by more than just thinking of you

Taunting me...

Mocking me...

Ripping away my emotions,
Like clockwork,
As if possession was never really mine.

Always testing my wavering sanity,
Or possibly even my questionable worthiness.

Using maniacal unpredictability to ensure complete drainage of hope from this body,
A shell,
that I’m convinced is nothing more than a broken well trained slave.

The remnants of skin and bones before me,
Now controlled,
By this viscous evil force,
Laughing through my veins.
Breaking free just to assert dominance.

Oxygen as an accomplice,
Pigments the hue that provokes me.
Victim to manipulation,
Red fuels my rage.

Curious...
Was this imprisonment foretold,
Or am I to blame?

I feed off of your emotionless nature
I’m busting at the seams
One is not meant to hold it all
Mine growing as yours remain to be seen

It’s too much, It’s tormenting me
It will soon explode and make you suffer

Swirling inside of me
Rage, confusion, and longing causing me to regurgitate
Leaving a mess no one can understand or piece together

Dig deep
Offer some relief
To calm this storm
So we may have a chance