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Sag Jul 2016
Perhaps I'm awful at keeping a steady rhythm because I'm terrified of what note the future holds - it's so unpredictable, constantly changing and shifting and shaping.
never knowing exactly what or when whatever "what" is, will happen makes me hesitate on how I will react.
Every time I think I'm on the upbeat I'm reminded that life is not always a perfectly composed song.
A random little thought I had last night that I thought I'd challenge my writers block with.
Sag Jul 2016
I'm trapped in a relationship with a man who doesn't love me

I can't remember the last time I was called beautiful or intelligent or felt as if he found me endearing

Im watching the moon and the waves are crashing into the sand and I want to swim as far as I can

I want to show him how far out I'd swim to show him I'd drown for the love I gave to him

But he's not here
He's upstairs in the hotel room
But he's probably not even there.
Update: apparently I was feeling very emo when I wrote this bc it's actually not how I feel at all.
Writing is taking a fleeting emotion and running away with it.
Sag Jul 2016
Imagine this:
Crystal blue persuasion soundtracking cigarettes smoked in parking lots.

We spent the night crowded around a small table with glasses of wine and a variety of beers. One was blueberry, and they let me try it. It wasn't very good but I also don't have the same affinity for ales that they do.

We played Sorry and smoked cigarettes. We talked about our intimate stories and the things that we take pleasure in. We played scrabble until the sunrise and I lost and we all grabbed blankets and drunkenly stumbled to the front lawn.

We pondered on what color the sky was for some time. We even pulled up a chart of different shades of blue, but couldn't find a perfect match.
I still think it was pretty close to cauliflower blue though.
I ran inside, too tired to try to stay awake any longer and found myself in blankets of white and walls of grey.

I slept in the bed of a minimalist.
I rolled over and looked into the one pair of eyes I could never see the soul of.
Those eyes, like crystal waters, hold a world beneath them no one would dare to endure the pressure of on their shoulders to explore. There's something about them, an aerial view of large black pupils swimming in summer pools surrounded by snow.
They're mysterious, they're wise, they're a word I've been searching for, in that antique dictionary, in tiles of finished games on scrabble boards, that I just can't seem to find...

Like trying to match the exact shade of blue and having to choose cauliflower blue disappointedly.

Staring into them makes you feel vulnerable, like he can see straight through you, like he knows everything you're thinking and feeling and everything you've ever thought or felt, and it scared me.
So I adjusted my gaze to the light freckles on pale skin, the blonde strands lining his chin, full lashes lining his lids. And I fell asleep peacefully.
**
When I woke up, the sun from the blinds split into lines along your white sheets, your hair, your spine.
It looked lovely.
I stood up and took a step back to take it all in.
There was a stillness in the hourglass on your bedside table, piles of white sand lying silently at the bottom.
I smiled softly.
You woke up.
The tea kettle screamed.
You left for work and I left you a note.
Thank you for lending a pillow, and a contentment and appreciation for the softness in my life.
This poem is about a friend so dear to me, that I have learned so much from even though he doesn't know it.
This is an appreciation poem to him because I feel like there aren't enough of them.
Thank you
Sag Jul 2016
You were sitting at my counter, scribbling pages upon pages upon a little lined yellow notepad, passionate words about Christ and freedom and some bible verse from John, perhaps?
I didn't get to read much of it at all, and I'm not sure I really would have felt it as intensely as you did, but I did attempt to read you, from the corner of my eye while stirring cream into a cup of coffee. You were looking down at your words, his words, and had your headphones in, probably listening to either 90s r&b; or Bon Iver, (pronounced by you exactly how it's spelled), and you smiled as you slipped your fingers into the tiny bag of chocolate covered espresso beans I offered to share with you.

The shop was empty but the room felt full with laughter as we shared stories of our high school selves and embarrassing traits and things we thought we loved long ago.

You turned an exhausting evening into endearing emotions.
In case I don't see you before you leave for your "missionary opportunities,"
Thank you.
Good luck in Florida.
Sag Jun 2016
I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU
OR ME
OR US
OR WHATEVER IT IS
THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE MILLIONS OF PIECES OF MATTER IN THE UNIVERSE HAVE EACH OF MY HANDS TUGGING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS WHEN IM AWAY FROM YOU
LIKE IM IN MULTI PARALLEL WORLDS
LIKE ITS TRYING TO TELL ME TO GIVE YOU SOME SPACE
AND ITS NOT LETTING ME FATHOM WHAT ON EARTH THAT EVEN IS
LIKE NO OTHER LIFE EXISTS OUTSIDE OF THIS WORLD -
OUR WORLD
LIKE YOU LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE I DONT
HELLO
I AM ALIVE
I AM HERE
AND I NEED YOU HERE TOO
AND I DONT KNOW WHY
BUT I DO
CAN YOU HEAR ME
Sag Jun 2016
A pair of reading glasses I've never seen before sit perched on the counter, singing with that angelic voice I've heard before.
The coffee in my mug starts to swirl.
I have to set it down.
I have to take my flannel off.
I have to look away.
Sag Jun 2016
sleep comes most easily with draped limbs like closed curtains
with no room for sunlight to leak through
it is dark here, yes, but the sun has burnt out all the while
I was dreaming of no longer being a demanding lover
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