ATLAS

ATLAS Jul 2021

my facade slowly being torn

delicately ripping little by little

letting darkness seep through

lovingly caressing my soul

tugging on it, pulling me back halting me,

paralysing me

until I cave, and I am finally drained

the best poems are always when the outside world is dead and your mind is finally set free.

ATLAS Jun 2021

Wind

The wind caresses my skin
I blush at the gesture
The wind clings my clothes to me
I hide myself subtly
The wind whips my hair away from my face
I feel exposed
The wind pushes me away
I don’t resist
The wind gives me goosebumps
My heart drops slightly
The wind throws sand at my face
It blinds me from its actions
The wind becomes dangerous
But I still love the wind

ATLAS Jun 2021

Lost

When I think of the future
See my life
It’s pitch black
No direction
No light
But everyone else
They see a shining path
One so hard to miss
But when you’re blinded
By darkness
You miss everything

ATLAS Jun 2021

Untitled

My back against concrete
My eyes searching the night sky
My eyes stinging and wet
Everything is numb
I don’t feel anything anymore
But I feel everything all at once
I don’t know who I am anymore
I don’t know what I want
And it’s terrifying
Handing the reigns over to fate
Trusting it with your whole being
But I can’t do that
I won’t do that
I will ruin it

ATLAS Jun 2021

the night

I was staring at my ceiling
questioning the reason for my existence
my arms were stinging
my head was heavy
my heart was numb
so I decided
I didn't want to feel like this anymore
I wanted to test my limit
to see if my body could take it
so I did
I swallowed one after the other
laughing
music deafening my ears
tears were spilling against my will
by 10 I thought to myself
how did it get to this?
I thought I was getting better
but no
I wasn't
so I kept going
by 20 regret skimmed my body
but my urge to be free was stronger
I pushed forward
more and more
my sister then caught my eye
a picture of all my baby sisters
in front of their lifeless one
filled my mind
and I broke
I broke unlike ever before
I stopped at 35
not any more or less
I don't wish for them to see that
to ruin them like that
I would never
I could never
I stared back up to the ceiling
And let the darkness take over
Only this was one I would wake from

I can't handle change by roar was playing during this

ATLAS Jun 2021

a mothers love

my own mother, no more than an extra presence beside me
she tries to reach me, but she fails
her warm, loving hand, barely grazes me
she tries to grasp my heart, but that's a hopeless gesture
shes no longer a comfort, shes now a precaution
my heart is delicate, fragile, while hers is tired and curious
I'm a puzzle to her, with lots of missing pieces
one of her many kids, but the only who can't show their love
hatred is not a good look on me but changing my facet is painful
I push my mother away, in hopes she despises me
that she sees me the way I see myself
but a mothers love cannot be shaken
her love is stronger than my need to disappear
tougher than the demand to force her away
her love is everlasting, and for that I'm grateful
I miss being your daughter, I miss my mum
but my trust is hard to earn, and you've diminished my hope for you