Sitting here, alone at home
wondering what i am going to do with my life...
unemployed...
watching cartoons to pass the time
free my mind of the stresses
but they never go away
unemployed
hoping for that call
that email, even a text message
that says I am good enough, I am worthy
to not be
unemployed
searching the internet
all day long
hoping someone will hear this song
unemployed
bored, boredom, boring
unemployed
nothing to talk about
because nothing happens
unemployed
maybe i will change myself
change my heart, change my mind
i am so sick of being
unemployed
but maybe
maybe instead of indeed.com
i will try okcupid.com
maybe someone
some special lady out there
will not want to leave me so
unemployed
but who knows because i keep chasing the same dead ends
unemployed

I just thought it would work...
that somehow despite the baggage,
we could still make it through...
but i was wrong...
like most often...
my arms just got so tired, my feet so sore, my back so numb
and I had to lay the baggage down
and you with it...
because you were never perfect and neither was I.
i tried to convince myself, but i fooled everyone

What do we do when this thing was doomed from the start, when both participants were always intended to leave?  It still hurts the same...but can i be blamed...

I don't know why I keep looking at my phone.
What am I expecting it to do?
To suddenly tell me my life's purpose, my meaning...

Why do I hold this object, so near, so dear...
Allow it to disrupt my human interactions,
dictate how, when to have them?

Instead of worrying about a text,  I need to worry about who is around me...
Could I make a friend with a stranger instead of avoiding...

What do I fear, that having my phone makes me feel safer, more at ease...
Do I fear people? Real emotions, real conversations...

What I am missing?
Why do I only feel whole
when this heartless device is by my side?

Miserable
Or so I thought...
now that I am leaving
Why do i start to reminisce?
Why do i already start to miss this?

What was it that I loved about this place?
Can it ever replace the loneliness that
ravaged my heart

They say life is what you make it,
But what if I haven't made it anything at all...
What is my life then?
What should I do?

A mind fraught with ADD and depression...
Does my life still exist,
when I am lost and weak, bent and broken?
Wrists tired of the pain...

What could I say if they asked me about my life?
Would I tell them I was crazy and always knew it?
Would I tell them that everything was alright?
and could I keep the lies hidden?

They say life is what you make it,
but mine has been unmade, lost in the shadows, buried forever...
Mine is sad and lonely, unproductive...
How can I make it?

She walked by
Now my breathe is lost
Can't she see what she does to people
I want to hold her in my arms, tell her it will all be okay...but she will never know.
I need her warm embrace more than she can even fathom.

I sit,
and try to do
what I've always wanted to...
Put into words the whisms of a damaged and fragile mind.
I hope it comes out right and feels *** going in.
But hope too much I do, and results never may I know...

Just tell me that my life, moved yours and I can sleep at night.
But what if not,
what am I supposed to do?
Who would I be and what would this all mean?

Can I touch your mind...your heart...what does your life mean if mine can change it?