Something tells me
It'll be bitter sweet
To taste your lips
To taste you skin
Like a liar I've been waiting for this kiss
Like a liar I've been holding myself for you

And I know
You'll be disappointed to hear
All the women I've had
All the pretty but petty ones that got near

So I lie and tell you
You've always and only
Been the one
And sweet lies
Are better when chased with ***
So that your better senses
Are all but numb
And you accept the fate
That I'm the closest one
To you
Right now
To you

I've never been one for chivalry
But I'll open every door
And try so hard for you
And I've never been one for gallantry
But I'll stick up for your honor
And fight down all the haters
I'll be so good
That my senseless lies
Like this will last forever
Will seem true

And I have
All these beautiful ideas inside my head
Even though
This dream
Will never come true

So who am I really fooling?
Have I only myself to blame?
I made you up while I played my game
And no one will ever live up to you

Looking for the answers
Looking toward the future
Finding nothing but questions
Along with doubt and self loathing

How could I be so stupid
How could I let myself cave in
Change is just so scary
When depression has you bound and gagged

Now's the time to hold my head up
Let stress and worries subside
Let the heart crumble away
And regain a sense of pride

What can I live and live without?
What can I do to become?
A better version of myself
One who overcomes

There's a needle hole
Dripping with blood
Red as an apple
From what I've just done

And as I slowly slip away
A vision of my mom
Begins to disappear
Is love but a memory?

Sometimes in this loneliness
I wonder if people are cancer
Infecting earth and each other
Without malice or care

What am I
Just a bag of bones
A gangrenous picture
A placid mural

And uninteresting
Sad but dying
Organism
Of truly invisible stature

Its a ghastly truth to behold
When normal get olds
And only bright fleeting lights
Make sense anymore

If I can't numb these edges
I might as well push to die
Find the thinnest line
Of what is wrong but feels right

There seems to be something missing
Like a spark
Like a heart
Like a love note to you

You know that its missing
But you just can't say
Why your feet won't move

There's lesson I learned
Not too long ago
You've gotta cut your ties
Walk it blind
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa

You know that it's missing
But you just can't say
Why your feet won't move
Blame it on youth
Blame it on time
Blame it on the moon

Cause the full moon lies
What is love is
Is just a self indulgent tune

Cause to face this
Growing old and cold
Is a distraction
From dyin
From lyin
From out on it all

Not all are living
But not all are dead
We're just walking
Existential waiting for our cue

You know that its missing
But you just can't say
Why your feet won't move
Maybe its love
Maybe its age
Maybe its not true

Cause the full moon lies
What is. . . .love is
Is just a self indulgent tune

Just a self indulgent tune
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa

Another faded night to come
The laughter, the conversation done
Another wonder yet to see
Will she wake up and think of me

Cause the sad days are over
The darkness overcome
The bleak, the wind, the wild cold
Is this happiness or am I numb?

Cause the bitter winter bites so dull
And draws all edges to a softer lull
And eyes creep tightly drawn to sleep
The hellish nightmare that might be

But if she wakes and thinks of me
But if she wakes and thinks of me
I'll double down and fight to sleep
In hopes to live this only dream

The head hangs heavy and lids soon follow
And sink into a softening pillow
I fear will become a blain
And numb will too begin to fade

I'll wake and tare my eyes from sleep
All that was and will always be
A nightmare has becomes my dreams

Woke up dizzy, spinning around my head
Woke up dizzy, spinning around my room
Woke up dizzy, wishing I was dead
Woke up dizzy, wishing this was through

And a may wind broke down my door
A may wind knocked me to the floor
And I avert my eyes to the blinding cold
I feel the may wind creep into my bones

I walk downtown, my body hangs my head
I walk downtown, where nothings said
And I hear the may dove sing her song
I think this may wind has me wrong

A flutter of wings and seasons change
But I'm still dizzy, it takes so much to feel this way
And the stomach drops and I blend in
It takes too much to let them in

Will they see me in the morning
Will they see me again
A may wind stirs
But life's got no room to let me win

I'm right back to where I've started
Right back where it all begins
My body hangs my soul
And a noose hangs my head

She's on my mind
All of the time
Like I used to be something
To anyone in some way
Now I'm just lonely
Alone and homely
Like I used to be somewhere
Other than here
I could kiss her and hold her
I could say such wonderful things
But she doesn't want me
She might even hate me
If she feels something
Its not for me
The colds like a friend
Reminding me I feel
That I'm still alive
And I'm the sum of all parts
That seem to hide
Behind cracked smiles and jokes
Late nights and Facebook posts
Searching for life
In a lifeless phone

What can I say?
The lights went out
And there we were
Teenage hearts
In thirty somethings
It never changes
How you feel
The age is over
It's all down hill
Your lips were met
Your hips were met
It's all down hill
We're thirty somethings

I could call it now
And end this game
You know you're out
We're thirty somethings

And I'm waiting for your text
And I'm waiting for your call
Heart a flutter just like a teen
In a thirty something