Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Charles KC Aiken Nov 2020
Looking for the answers
Looking toward the future
Finding nothing but questions
Along with doubt and self loathing

How could I be so stupid
How could I let myself cave in
Change is just so scary
When depression has you bound and gagged

Now's the time to hold my head up
Let stress and worries subside
Let the heart crumble away
And regain a sense of pride

What can I live and live without?
What can I do to become?
A better version of myself
One who overcomes

There's a needle hole
Dripping with blood
Red as an apple
From what I've just done

And as I slowly slip away
A vision of my mom
Begins to disappear
Is love but a memory?

Sometimes in this loneliness
I wonder if people are cancer
Infecting earth and each other
Without malice or care

What am I
Just a bag of bones
A gangrenous picture
A placid mural

And uninteresting
Sad but dying
Organism
Of truly invisible stature

Its a ghastly truth to behold
When normal get olds
And only bright fleeting lights
Make sense anymore

If I can't numb these edges
I might as well push to die
Find the thinnest line
Of what is wrong but feels right
Charles KC Aiken Nov 2020
There seems to be something missing
Like a spark
Like a heart
Like a love note to you

You know that its missing
But you just can't say
Why your feet won't move

There's lesson I learned
Not too long ago
You've gotta cut your ties
Walk it blind
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa

You know that it's missing
But you just can't say
Why your feet won't move
Blame it on youth
Blame it on time
Blame it on the moon

Cause the full moon lies
What is love is
Is just a self indulgent tune

Cause to face this
Growing old and cold
Is a distraction
From dyin
From lyin
From out on it all

Not all are living
But not all are dead
We're just walking
Existential waiting for our cue

You know that its missing
But you just can't say
Why your feet won't move
Maybe its love
Maybe its age
Maybe its not true

Cause the full moon lies
What is. . . .love is
Is just a self indulgent tune

Just a self indulgent tune
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa
Been listening to alot of Queens Of The Stone Age
Charles KC Aiken Nov 2020
Another faded night to come
The laughter, the conversation done
Another wonder yet to see
Will she wake up and think of me

Cause the sad days are over
The darkness overcome
The bleak, the wind, the wild cold
Is this happiness or am I numb?

Cause the bitter winter bites so dull
And draws all edges to a softer lull
And eyes creep tightly drawn to sleep
The hellish nightmare that might be

But if she wakes and thinks of me
But if she wakes and thinks of me
I'll double down and fight to sleep
In hopes to live this only dream

The head hangs heavy and lids soon follow
And sink into a softening pillow
I fear will become a blain
And numb will too begin to fade

I'll wake and tare my eyes from sleep
All that was and will always be
A nightmare has becomes my dreams
Charles KC Aiken May 2020
Woke up dizzy, spinning around my head
Woke up dizzy, spinning around my room
Woke up dizzy, wishing I was dead
Woke up dizzy, wishing this was through

And a may wind broke down my door
A may wind knocked me to the floor
And I avert my eyes to the blinding cold
I feel the may wind creep into my bones

I walk downtown, my body hangs my head
I walk downtown, where nothings said
And I hear the may dove sing her song
I think this may wind has me wrong

A flutter of wings and seasons change
But I'm still dizzy, it takes so much to feel this way
And the stomach drops and I blend in
It takes too much to let them in

Will they see me in the morning
Will they see me again
A may wind stirs
But life's got no room to let me win

I'm right back to where I've started
Right back where it all begins
My body hangs my soul
And a noose hangs my head
Got the rona and the fever gives me scary dreams.
Charles KC Aiken Feb 2020
She's on my mind
All of the time
Like I used to be something
To anyone in some way
Now I'm just lonely
Alone and homely
Like I used to be somewhere
Other than here
I could kiss her and hold her
I could say such wonderful things
But she doesn't want me
She might even hate me
If she feels something
Its not for me
The colds like a friend
Reminding me I feel
That I'm still alive
And I'm the sum of all parts
That seem to hide
Behind cracked smiles and jokes
Late nights and Facebook posts
Searching for life
In a lifeless phone
Charles KC Aiken Jan 2020
What can I say?
The lights went out
And there we were
Teenage hearts
In thirty somethings
It never changes
How you feel
The age is over
It's all down hill
Your lips were met
Your hips were met
It's all down hill
We're thirty somethings

I could call it now
And end this game
You know you're out
We're thirty somethings

And I'm waiting for your text
And I'm waiting for your call
Heart a flutter just like a teen
In a thirty something
Charles KC Aiken Jan 2020
I stood outside a neon fortress,
Light beaming in all directions.
The pallid edges pushing out,
Then receding, as if the light
Was a pulsating heart beat.
You could sense the energy's
Eb, as if it tires, then with a smile
Runs full force into the night.
A brash and brave endeavor.
A childlike sense of play
In its insistent **** with the night.
There was a false sense of warmth
Parading in sheep's skin
Like the clever and daring fox amongst the fold.
Still the wash of warm was overcoming
And let the mouth ease into a resting smile.
Now with the tension leaving,
My face still feels almost plastic
Slowly melting to a calm demeanor.
I have to wonder if I had been standing agape,
A resting ***** face glared at all who met my eyes.
They instanly regret sending strangers smiles.
I notice how the sounds of the city
Are a blare so bold
They fade to a quiet white noise
Like the sound of electricity
Flowing through a silenced TV,
The lulling hum soon ignored.
The only difference being
That the hymn the city sings,
Unlike the hum of the TV, is so loud
That when the mind settles in
And begins to ignore it's finer edges,
You would ignore the screams of your mother,
The cry of a baby brother,
Or any child.
In fact my ears tune for just a moment
To the cry of a lost child.
A woman in a velvet purple overcoat
With a mother's face and soft voice speaks,
"Oh dear, have we gotten lost?"
The words make me feel like we're in this together
And a little less alone.
The scene slowly recedes into the black,
Thick,
Tendrils
Of the unnoticed
And forgotten.
It reminds me,
This why the city is a calloused place
And an act of kindness goes so far.

— The End —