perpetual engulfment
entanglement in a web of your misdeeds
I try to struggle out in degrees
but I doubt my ability to do

I'm terrified of TV shows
As the yelling disturbs my sleep
I have dreams of whiplash
Because you're never what you seem

I tick due to ambition
Because without it, I'll be just like you
I'm scared others will take advantage
And I'll hate myself before my life ends

I draw a narrow box
To limit how much I can pantomime
If one time I mess up,
People will hate me for not keeping my mouth shut

perpetual engulfment
entanglement in limiting beliefs
i must crawl out
as it's safe for me to be free

If sisyphus did not have his rock,
What would he do?
With free time (and no kids or wife)
I'm sure he'd be a fool

I am a collection of rocks
That people put on me
Or I feel simply should be there

And without them I'm terribly scared.

Was sisyphus's rock his friend
Did he talk to it, sun up to down
Daylight to day's end?

As I talk to my mind and imaginary audience
They throw tomatoes as I back-bend
But they also entertain me
With new ****** expressions daily

Although it's awful and burns
I learn from the scenarios the theater plays
Tweeting like a bird
I locked myself in my own cage

I'm so good at this game
the what if's, costs and benefits
but maybe I should quit while I still can
pawn to e5 and I roll the dice

the what if's, costs and benefits
do I fight for you or is it a blunder? pawn to e5 and I roll the dice
I don't care who pays the price

do I fight for you or is it a blunder?
my mind and heart sink into the mud
I don't care who pays the price
my craving and vice, you must leave me

my mind and heart sink into this mud
but I will not go down further
my craving and vice you must leave me
as I will no longer fight for what I know is a dream

There is no peace in the doldrums
Sing of me as a warning, lost at sea
The people in the lighthouse are gone
The light remains on
But I'm on a boat in the dark
Apart from my family who mourns "me"
So I beg of you, erase me
But do not bury me in a quiet place
For I cannot bear to be without rain
Let nature lament over my fate even with coarse sand

I am sick of the doldrums' lies
Sweep me up in a storm and let this false peace die
Bring me to the beach for it calmed my parents
And it never fails to shush me

The moon shines on you
And you are its puppet
Perhaps there is a prospect of an appeal on my behalf?
To the light that does not burn the eyes to look at
Do not fret, I'll tell you what to say, it's very common
Do not let me rot alone forgotten

Wall of fog, wall of fog
I know you are near
I see you in my mind's eye and feel you stuck in my chest
Wall of fog, wall of fog
Let the clouds dissipate
Let the rivers do what they do
The waters penetrate
Wall of fog, wall of fog
I know you protect
The river carries intensity you would rather reject
But wall of fog, wall of fog
You must break
For my sake
Take a moment, sigh
And let out your rage and rain
Ululate and give me peace
So the water can more softly undulate
Pulse and bubble

I often wish to speak
But my words come out as ferocious as flames
I wish to be gentle and meek
Something just happens on the way out of my mouth
When i'm having a bad day I just can't control my tone
And I know I'm making excuses
I shouldn't moan and complain
But I have a grown-up problem
I blame myself for it
Because it's not in my nature to be mean
After all babies are born with a slate clean
But I guess life happened on my way
To make these words come out to others' dismay
Verbal throwup to make a disaster

The dusty piano of my feelings for you started playing again
One day, as I toiled to make art, the strings inside began to sing
I felt a craving to know what you thought
To show you what beautiful work my hands had wrought
Except the piano alone sounded distraught
It was a normal day for you, without even a thought of me
And it hurt so much that I wanted to share with you my glee
How embarassing! When I think that piano might be quiet again
But then it strikes up wanting someone who wouldn't want ME to be their friend
Stupid and silly is that piano
As it sounds so beautiful but plays at inopportune times