Forgiveness (2013)
I learned as a young young girl that there are things that are unforgivable, things that are inconceivable, except that they happened. I learned that
no one cares
whether or not you forgive them, or her, or him. Forgiveness is a NON issue, actually.
Life moves on, with or without our sorrows or bitternesses. It just moves on. We go with it, unless we choose not to. Should we choose the "absurd" path of going on with it, it still makes no difference whether or not we "forgive".
Forgiveness is for God, whatever your relationship is to God. Our job is to reach through the minutes of our days and to be the best or kindest, or not. There is no choice but to "fare forth". The pain of abuse or insult rides with us. It just does. It's where we go with it that makes us, breaks us, or takes us on our way. We become our best idea of ourselves because we know the difference. All learning is from analogy. If someone hurts me, do I not bleed (etc.). Do I not know how to BE in this world with kindnesses because I have known cruelty? Of course I do.
I have known extraordinary kindness and love. I have known these things when I have least deserved them. I learned how to love from the amazing love which has been shown me. I have known Gratitude and it is the Mantra of my life in my last act.
Deception, in whatever its form, cannot cut us, unless it matters so much we are willing to dwell in some mire of useless opinions. What is important to me is contained in a really quite small circle. "The rest is not my business." T.S. Eliot.
It is irrelevant, this idea we have about "forgiveness". It's arrogance in extremis. If someone causes me pain I really cannot do anything about it except to remove the source of it.
I am, beyond belief sorry for the pain I have caused others. All I can do is fall on my knees in gratitude that the next minute or hour has pushed me into the next minute or hour and if I hang onto God I will go into the next flowing parcel of time with wounds that are healing, with sores that, Thank God, show me the direction in which to go to find, again, a place of peace,
people who do love me and whom I love.
I have lived to know many many Blessings and Gifts. (If I had waited to feel "forgiven" I would still be mired in pain. It is the gift of Acceptance, unconditional Acceptance which sustains me.)
Grace is not found in concepts like "forgiveness" but in the constant acts of love.
It is not my place to Judge. God knows this. He most surely does