I know all too well what you meant when you said
That at times you didn't care if you died

Those words ripped through my heart as I remembered
Times I felt the same and silently cried

To be lonely when you're not really alone
Tears at the soul while you wish for true love
For a heart to share your life and your dreams with

Many nights I asked "what happened to my life"
Why am I cursed knowing what love should be
Yet I end up with a friend, not a wife
Is there no one in the world to love me?

At times I pondered what my life could have been
What if I could change a moment or two
And sometimes those thoughts of the life denied
Led me to reminiscing about you

How I wished I could recapture youths bold fire
Knowing my whole life lies ahead of me
With you by my side the world would be ours
Then the world changed memories to a dream

I wanted the dream so much more than this life
That sometimes I wouldn't care if I died
If dying meant I lived on in the dream
Of love's sweet embrace everlasting

And now out of the dream and faint memory
You're by my side and the world could be ours
Given a chance for that life of romance
We often wished for upon the same stars

How much better to LIVE our life in the dream
And to know the embrace we so longed for
And whatever life we have left ahead
With you is truly a life to live fo

To think I spent so many years
  Lonely yet not alone
  Wiped away so many tears
   Where what once felt like home

Holding on to memories
  Of things that almost were
  A fragile fleeting tapestry
   Apparitions blurred

But now I've found my true soul mate
  Our seeds of love are sown
  Our futures harvest we must await
   Not lonely, just alone

One day we'll see our dream come true
  And share a loving home
  Hold onto me as I hold you
   Never again lonely or alone

Souls forged together, then broken asunder
Seeking reunion for most of our lives
Hearts beat apart, yet in tune together
Sounding our rhythm of love
Eyes search for each other
Only glimpsing through memories
Needing presence to peer into the soul
Lips reminiscing a half forgotten language
In a dialect only we understand
Fingers craving the touch of our bodies
To play melodies of desire
Bodies eager to unite and be whole

To bring balance back to our lives
This love rediscovered
Demands we embrace
Forever

But for now we are apart
And we gaze at moon
Across the sea that divides us

And so we howl
While two teardrops fall
Which only you and I
Can hear

My love never wavered
   From the day I vowed my life and love to you
  Then fate took you away from me
    Leaving me not knowing what to do

So I looked for distractions
  To keep myself from feeling blue
    But it never helped me
    The only cure was to get back to you

Since that wasn't likely
   I found someone else to give my love to
     Although I thought I had found “her”
       Try as I might I could not forget you
      
But I know she'd be heart sick
      If only she knew
         That while we were together
            I wished she was you

Every garden needs the rain
Tell me how to ease your pain

Our love should not cause you to cry
Though distances between us are great
I feel helpless yet I must still try
To send love to help carry this weight

Please know that you're not alone
The seeds of our love have been sown
  Yet it's sad clearing old gardens known
  Recalling when the leaves did shine
  We plant a new garden, help it grow
  This garden is yours, and also mine

We must apply our lessons learned
From those gardens which did not thrive
To build the love for which we’ve yearned
To be happy and alive
And bless the sunlight up above
Shining on our new garden of love

We travel through life as seasons in a year
And with the passing of each season
We reminisce what has passed

But in life there is a melancholy with each passing
For we shall never see that season again
As we travel toward Winter and eternal sleep

Until then we rejoice in the season we live in
Each with it’s own unique beauty
Each holding qualities unlike any other

Spring is over before we are mature enough to realize
What a magical time it is, where our foundation is formed
That most important structure, formed while we are the most naïve

The passing into the Summer of our lives follows storms
Which test that foundation and where the strongest and luckiest thrive
It is in that passing that most who will find love do so
Love which strengthens the soul and prepares us for life's challenges
Few find that love that lifts our souls giving strength for life's journey
Most seek for it and settle for what life sets in our path
And for fear of loneliness stop looking just so at least someone is there

Some find that true love but paths lead them far away
Never to find each other again, yet always wondering what might have been ...
And so we trudge forward simply surviving,
A lucky few thriving
And barely notice that Summer has passed and now it is Fall

My God, Winter is the next season!
I hope I tended to my gardens sufficiently
So I do not wither and waste away in this and my final season ...

But I chose the convenient partner who was in my path long ago
And never felt the connection, the strength that I imagined
Would make this journey easier,
Especially now, when the season grows colder
And although beautiful in its own way
There are signs of life retreating
And preparing for the sleep of Winter

I thought I had something, someone, in you long ago whom
I imagined to be that strength, comfort, and spark of passion
That could energize my soul and give me the warmth to thrive
In these last two most challenging seasons

Then suddenly, miraculously, again you are there!
And my heart beats as a young man's again!

Now these last seasons promise beauty
And even transformation
Because although my body exists in the Fall of its life
With Winter approaching
My heart, and mind, and soul see something else entirely
And I am am filled with courage and joy
No more foreboding
For I am truly blessed by you …
With a Second Spring

I close my eyes and you are there
Gazing at me with such love in your eyes
  And desire
How can this be?
I am just an average man,
Nothing special except the love I have for you
Which radiates from my very soul and gives life
   To a once disappointed heart,
A heart reawakened from the moment
It began to beat once more to the rhythm of yours
You who are truly a gift to me from the angels
To save me from twilight years
  I would have simply waited to die
But now rage against that good night
So I may taste all life has to offer
And then taste again
Together

Walking through a grocery store  
An ordinary day, nothing more

I'm reminded for a little while
When we held hands and walked a similar isle ...

Then waves of loneliness rip at my heart
I suddenly can't bare that we are apart

There in the store I almost cried
This is too silly, no one died

After all, we know we will find a way
To be together finally and forever, one day

And yet the "what if's" invade my mind
And fears I thought I'd left behind

Wishing desperately that you were here
To wipe away my silly tear

If you were here I'd hold you tight
And kiss you and make love to you throughout the night

But for now these dreams will have to wait
I should check out, it's getting late

I load the car, drive back alone

Imagining you're waiting at home

I deeply sigh as I walk through the door
Feel I could cry just as before

My once warm home seems uninviting
Without you to dance with the nights are not exciting

I put up the groceries, sit alone in the night
Then go my desk and begin to write ...

   "Walking through a grocery store ..."

I see you …
  Through the worries and the fears
  Insecurities and tears
  Lonely nights you needed love
  So much more you’re dreaming of

I feel you …
  Anxious for another chance
  To laugh and sing and dance
  You hug yourself and close your eyes
  As these thoughts simply lead to sighs

I hear you …
  And your barely audible cry
  Then  you wipe the tear stains dry
  Then prepare to face the day
   In a controlled and measured way

I know you ...
  I too felt all of these things
  And what disappointment brings
  When you ask "Will this be all?"
  And another teardrop falls

I missed you ...
  Over years of wanting more
  Wishing you'd walk through my door
  And while praying you were fine
  I'd wish that you were still mine

I love you ...
  Our tomorrows are now bright
  Together our souls are light
  Now our love is resurrected
  Because you see my love ...
    We're connected

Hot breath on shoulders and neck
   Warmth to chills, bodies quivering

Moist, warm lips and tongues
   Trace patterns of awakened senses

Fingers exploring each other’s bodies
   Reading each other’s biological braille

Chest to breast, stomachs touching
   Legs intertwined, feet caressing

Whispering words and guttural sounds
   Speaking of desires to be or already fulfilled

I am in you, or was I always?
   You feel my heartbeat deep inside you

You accept me as a missing part of yourself
   As sensations blur between us

Where do I end and you begin?
   I only exist in you, and you in me

We are one

Are things what they seem
On your side of the screen?
Is the smile that shines for me
A brief reality
A respite from the pain
That repeats yet again
As the days of your life
The trials and the strife
The emptiness and sorrow
And a hope that tomorrow
Provides what you desire
And sets your soul on fire
And from out of the blaze
Rising above the haze
Seen from a brand new place
Of peace and lasting grace
Accepting what has been
And ready to begin
To make a brand new day
With love to guide the way
As the vise that bound your heart
Loses strength and falls apart
Releasing pressure from your brain
Making life seem wonderful again
And you find that your inner smile
Was with you all the while
The smile so often seen
From my side of the screen

You whispered to my dormant heart
   And softly sang a song
   Of days forgotten long ago
   When I knew who I was

As I awoke I recognized
  Feelings I once knew
  Dreams I swore would never fade
  But fade indeed they had

New life you breathed into my soul
  Blood quickened in my veins
  My heart beat stronger than it had
  For years kept locked away

Excited now my mind was free
  To set a course it's own
  And not the stagnant dusty path
  It had been on so long

Dare I think you feel the same?
  Could our hearts beat in tune?
  Your song revealed a longing past
  I once assumed was lost

And as we danced with careful words
  Unsure of what may be
  We slowly began to realize
  Our love had never died

And suddenly a wondrous light
  Shown down upon our love
  Igniting feelings carefully saved
  In hopes this day would come

Now gazing into each other's eyes
  Across the digital screen
  The need, the longing and the love
  Is felt without a touch

Desire now consumes my thoughts
  To live the dream I once had
   My life's true purpose realized
  Spent in days loving you