In a dark room, a little girl hid.
She clung to her doll.
Hungry and alone, she cried.
Why did no one love her?
Her mom left her for a gram,
and some other man.
Her dad abusive, and drunk.
She dug her way through bags of trash and junk.
Little girl wanted something to eat.
Daddy found her sent her to her room for
a beat.
Her momma's new man, lefted her dress
and covered her mouth with his hand.  
"Don't tell anyone" he then said.
Sent the little girl back to bed.
She knew she had to be strong.
She knew she had been done wrong.
She finally told her grandma.
She finally told the cops.
She was finally safe and her abuser was stopped.
Yes, this is a real story you see.
This little girl, was me.

I don’t want to disappoint the people I love.
Please make it all stop.
go away, go away,
I’m so **** ugly,
My head hurts,
Why would anyone ever like me?
I’m a b**.
I’m so negative.
I don’t want these thoughts,
I don’t want to be spoiled and hate my life.
I have it good.
But I can’t.
Please make it all stop.
Too many tears,
this self hatred swirling around in me just builds.
I love life,
but it’s distorted by shadow and flame.
Please make it stop.
Someone please give me a hand out of this dark.

chased by
a cold rain
a summer storm
a haunting dream
it flew on

its tired wings
grew heavier
more tired
every gust of wind
like a brick wall
against it

until it came
to rest
upon a branch

the storm raged still
but there was shelter

every raindrop, a tear
the howling wind,
a cry

louder and louder
until there was nothing else

then
there
a tiny spot of hope
yes, the glorious sun
peeking through

tired it was
still, strong
and when the sun rose

the butterfly flew once more

It hurt. I wanted to hide my
face and crawl back into
this shell that hide the beautiful
parts of me. All those insecurities
took a hold of me and tried
to convince me love isn’t meant
for me.

Part me didn’t want to eat
after you told the only truth that
could truly hurt me. It was first
time I felt all eyes starting back
at me judging me like I thought
they use to be. All stand up and
look at this freak.

I doubted everything I ever
was would be good enough since
the truth is the only thing
people saw in me was skin deep
and should just shut up and
know my place on totem pole
the freak of the show.

Until I realized it would be your
lost in the end. I’d change for me
and never look at any of you the
same again because you looked
away instead of within.

Sunlight pours through the tops
of the forest trees.
I walk upon the path.
Eyes open.
City lights flashing bright
colors of red and green.
People rush by me.
Eyes open.
Waves fall upon the shore.
I walk barefoot  on the beach.
The sand fills my toes.
Eyes open.
A blind man walks without a
care.
Across the street without fear.
All he has is what he can hear.
I wonder what it is like to live
without seeing the trees, the beach
or the city.
I wonder why is like to live with eyes
Closed.

I walk around with a paper smile.
So fake, so unreal.
That is what you do when you forgot how to feel.
I wear my paper smile with pride.
I have so much to inside hide.
Nobody understands.
Why try to make them?
Every time I do, they leave.
Nobody knows.
Why try to show them?
Every time I do, they run away.
Just wear my paper smile and everything
will just be...okay.

The cuts on your wrists, pain in your eyes.
Little girl, don't you see I was just like you?
Scared and alone.
No where to go.
Ugly they did call me,
but if they really saw me they would see,
the beauty.
And you are just like me.
Hold your head high, things will get better.
Keep pushing on through the stormy weather.
It is hard to be thirteen.
I remember it so clearly, how their words did hurt me
You are not alone.
You don't need expensive jeans, or shiny, pretty things.
Just be true to who you are, you will go so far.
Just put the blade away, you deserve a better way.
Everything will be okay.

These wounds, they still drip red.
I still cannot find a way out of this dark gray bed.
Stuck here with the painful memories inside my head.
These wounds, they wouldn't be so hidden
if you would take the time to find who I am
Drifting in your own sea, so far away from me.
These wounds, they can't heal
You just made me forget how to feel
I can only take so much
feeling heartless and cold to the touch.
These wounds, still drip red

The time we got to share together,
Went by too quick...Too fast.
For life or someone took you away from me,
With that hateful, horrible disease.
The cancer struck you hard and fast,
We weren't even given time to sneeze.

You were gone, and we were left,
To struggle through this life.
The pain struck more when we looked in moms eyes,
As we dreaded to continue on somehow with life.

Continue we did, for a while,
all just trying to make it through and try to smile.
Times were tough, as we missed you dearly.

Then came along in not much time,
More horrible and sad news.
Mommy was sick, the same as you,
The cancer had got her too.

How could this be, its not even five years,
Since we lost our dad
I hated this world for what it's doing,
Why do we have to be that someone?

It stayed with mom for a while,
Eventually making her quite sick.
Then it was time to say our goodbyes,
When his heart could no longer tick.

Exactly five years since we said goodbye to you,
We had to say goodbye to mom too.
I wish it was a dream and I could wake up,
But this nightmare is horribly true.

And so we continue, each day different to the next,
The pain still so real and sore.
Still trying to accept and understand,
Why did this happen to our family for?

I now sit and pray and try to picture you two,
And I hope that you are both together.
This world we live in is not the end,
And your love was to last forever.

Until it's time for us to meet again,
Please be there watching over me.
Help me continue through this life,
And give me direction that I can see.

Mom and Dad you are my entire world,
Someday I will see you again.
Not soon enough, I know.
I do my best to look past the how, look past the why.
Why so soon you both had to go?

This I hope you see
The only question I ask of you is,
Are you proud of me?

Up, rise, stepping out
breathing in, breathing out
the crispness of the in between
summer's fall greetings
shortened days, yet long enough
for daylight pleasures
still standing colorful blooms
garden harvests awaiting
early leave drop
green acorns too
open nighttime windows
cricket chorus
the comfort warmth of quilts
my innards energizesd
everlasting smiles
joyful giggles
watching nature
change clothes