You were wearing that old sweatshirt
You know the one?
With the holes and the bleach stains?
You're were looking at me with those big blue eyes
And I was taken prisoner
You trapped me under that sweater
Under your skin
Under your eyelashes
And I was set free again
Into a new world
Where no one wears that sweater
Like you do.

I remember us in bed
the most.
I think about the heat
the burn
the bites and bruises.
I think about the loss of breath
The heaving chests
The white bright lights
and rest.
But more than the fire
I think about the silence
and the way you would put your ear to my chest
and count my heartbeats.
I remember your breath on my neck
your arm around my waist
and all the nothing that was said
and cut me with its loveliness.
I remember us in bed
and try to forget the fire.

They say a lot
About the wilderness.
They whisper fear
And fabled warnings
Meant for children’s ears.
They preach the beauty
Is of god
And man can only gaze
And wonder.
They clench their fists
And charge with promises
To keep it wild
To keep it free
To keep it safe.

I live inside a wilderness.
Behind my eyelids stand the trees
Under my ribs
Run rivers.
I whisper fear
And hear it with a child’s ear.
I preach of beauty
And know nothing of the power
That created it.
And when I clench my fist
And make a promise
It is to that deep dark forest.
Keep your eyes wild.
May they strike fear.
Keep your mind free.
May it shatter ignorance.
And keep your body safe.
May it move through the world
And leave magnificent marks.   

My wilderness is
Fearsome.
It grows darker every day.
I gaze and wonder.
The only god I know.

Someone once asked me
If I was afraid of dying.
I said yes.
What else is there to be afraid of
Besides that?
Now, looking at you
Your breath against my neck
Your eyes searching my face
Your smell soaking into my sheets
I realize I answered like a child.
If I am asked that question again
I think I will answer
that I am afraid of one thing
That one day
Your eyes will close
Your head will turn
and I will lose you
To someone
Who isn't me.

you are the sensation of falling
you are hunger pangs
you are the knot in my muscles
you are a wound that will not heal
you are a scab, itching to be picked off
you are a life of your own
you are an eyelash in my eye
you are everything and nothing
you are a fingernail, cut too short
you are wind before a storm
you are the thunder
you are my greatest success
and my fondest regret
you are raindrops on a sunny day
you are my act one, two and three
you are my hero, my leading lady
and my villain
you are my pen on paper
you are my blood in the sink
you are my foot, tap tap
you are the air in my lungs
you are responsible for me
you are.