The entire time I was sitting on the couch
across from you
the whole time your cat was plotting on how to best take my face off
As your mouth moved like a motor and you told me all your stories
I wanted to grab your ankles and yank you to me
in the worst way
and kiss you with everything I have to give
and see who dies first.
But that is a dream I never had and a fire that never burned
and ignoring it
is the delightfully tragic ending to an almost dream.

Sometimes I sit alone and stare at the sky.
and I wonder how anyone could ever feel big
when we are all so painfully small.
and they know nothing of what is shared
between shimmer and darkness in the big blue nothing.
I wonder how I could ever feel important again
under a mass of uncharted forever
that is holding up so much of my life.
because forever is a long time
when you have so much to lose.
and so much to prove.
and there are worlds between my eyes and the sky
that have been starved of light for so long
where they were meant to be forgotten
but never were.
Worlds when we drank too much *****
on that beach with no name.
and everything always went terribly wrong.
Worlds where love never wins.
where love is always lost.
These worlds where we forgot how old we were
and acted how we wanted, and didn't care who we hurt
or why.
Where we chased moonbeams onto cheap plastic siding
and left everyone behind for nothing in particular.
Worlds with glamour and softness
with cruelty and train tracks
Worlds that make it easy to feel what you feel
and be what you are
and know what you know.
Only to find that these worlds are not to last.
and it is such a part of everything
that love and worlds and faces and names
must be lost.
So in the end, when things are lost,
I stare at the sky,
where my worlds have gone.
I walk amongst the fire they set
in the limbo I'm trapped in now.
and hold out my hands to catch the heat
before it burns what I have left.

everywhere there is a sign of you still left behind
a thought, another memory leaving footprints in my mind
and when i turn, a laugh, a cry, a whisper in my ear
a cruel and chilling wind blows down the things we want to hear

I'm feeling down into my brain to find my life undone
I'm trying to paste it back again and lose what i have won
there are pieces here and pieces there on shelves and on the floor
you say you'll help, i turn and sweep my dreams up out the door

there are threads under my pillow, twisting turning thoughts of you
there are stickers on the mantelpiece shining like they're new
there are windows in my eyes today, they are frosted with your breath
no matter where I'm going the destination's always death

i try to light some candles just to brighten up this place
i wonder why i bother with such dark cold empty space
I toss and turn and cry and burn and fill my head with lies
you would think the master knows the look of just one more disguise

closing eyes and angry sighs are worth not much in gold
and so today i pray that i'll forget you when i'm old
but as we sit and watch and wait for something to go wrong
i think of all those times we howled the lyrics to our song

so in the sky, I'm seeing now the planets of our past
they orbit always left and right and are much too good to last
and the symbols and the signals that you leave at my front door
will matter just as much now as they did to me before

at the end of all the things we love, when they're burning to the ground
I'll remember the here and now and think happiness we found
and now that is has burned all up and everything is gone
the only thing that's left for me is to sit and wait for dawn

It's like sparring with a lumberjack
a tell tale sign you're lost
A party trick , a baseball bat
and loving what you've got
a sparrow rests- an open chest
a gunshot wound for hire
tempted to forget that love
will force you through the fire
thirty nine and feeling fine
and hating what you have
kisses in the moonlight
and ignoring how it stabs
open eyes of baby blue
have been lying all this time
dreaming dreams sustained by you
it still feels like a crime.
Headlights hollow open vast
and scream a shallow tune
baby birds they fly too fast
and are taken by the moon.
Pacing blankets made of smiles
and fairies in her hair
name tags and red ceiling tiles
dying, trying not to stare.
She's beautiful as sunshine
and sweet as summer heat
and standing by the roadside
she sells her rotten meat.
There's plenty love in all the world
for sirens of her kind
and your body's steady pull of heat
tempts her to leave us all behind
we're hanging from a telephone pole
at the end of steady stream
and seeing glass is on the floor
cutting up our dreams
This plane is falling into bits
for the rich ones to enjoy
i wonder when they'll figure out
that earth is not a toy.
porky's in the dining hall
playing Rhapsody and Blue
on a washboard and a bathroom stall
I'm entering on cue.
You can scream and yell and call me names
Curse words aren't that bad
My life is one big mess of loud
you're not supposed to make me mad.

Eyes meet
Hands touch
Breathing heavy
Pressure drops
Eyes meet
Eyes part
Bodies meet
Hands find
Eyes meet
Skins touch
Hands find
Breathing heavy
Eyes part
Lips move
Mind changes
Contained apology
Pressure rises
Blood boils
Lips starve
Fingers find
Hands slap
Mind races
Throats scream
Shatter
Crash
No
Yes
Uncontained apology
Whispered forgiveness
Skins part
Lips close
Bodies dress
Sun goes down