I watch the great big smile,
As it adorns my face.
Finding beauty in the blinding ecstasy,
From which it emanates.
Feel the stretch,
As it climbs from ear to ear=
Why do I smile so,
All because of you,
Again, Again,
Even when I thought I've let go,
You reach back in,
And pull my heart closer to yours.
I love it all, this feelings and mostly you:)
But I think it's unhealthy,
To keep pining like a fool.
You'll tell me I'm lovely,
Not an imbecile,
But I disagree,
Because I keep chasing my tail.

Sickly sweet,
I pinch the honeysuckle,
******* all the bitter juices out.
From these all too loving flowers,
Bloom inundated, quivering brows.

Flinching from this tempting taste,
The poison's already set in,
Failing to break away,
Feet hooked in rapid, sinking quicksand.

"Let me out!"
I scream and shout,
But my cries seem to disappear with the wind.
In vain, I struggle,
Against my will,
I'm pulled deeper into this pit.

Never-ending night-time,
The swallows chitter at my woes.
The moon observes indifferently,
Cold light illuminating bones.

Lost, cold, hold my corpse,
Dangling over burning coals,
Sparks and glowing embers skid along the grave.

Push those nails in tight,
Watching skin scar along the stitch lines.
Mouth flattened, distracted eyes.
Despicable hunter,
Without the thrill,
Am I not even worth collecting?

Drooping, sore eyelids,
I squint at the white-blue fluff in my arms.
Peering blurrily,
I knock against the morning hours.
Stuck in the pale grey of last night,
The sight of snow gathering tears.

I'm awake-
But it feels like dreaming.
This perpetual state of forced relaxed-alertness,
Dragging my focus to its knees.
Begging, please, please,
I just want to fall asleep.

Nothing can make me less anxious,
One fiery ball of pent up horror.
I'm lost in every fragmented memory,
The floors wiped the ceiling with me.
Can I sleep, think, function, walk.
Can I talk to you, normally?
I've tried so hard,
And then you smile once at me,
And fling a giant wrench in my plans.

A little uptick,
Curved in the corner of your mouth.
It's lightly hidden by your nurtured beard,
Hazelnut-brown and stringy-soft.
My heart thumps, beats again.
It's once, twice, a million times,
Outside the eye of the storm.
As you turn your back to me,
I stare dumbly.
All I can muster,
Is a trembling response,
Thrown entirely off by your gaze.

I'd imagine your lips to taste of nectar,
And breath to smell of sweet fire,
That laps at my limbs,
While I rest beside the hearth of your gaze,
Sparkling like lakes beneath a winter glaze,
Yet edged in a euphoric spring,
Crinkled like a ripple among the waves.

Flip the hourglass and lend an ear,
I'm here to buy up your time,
The price is no small ask,
But I'll do whatever it takes,
To erase the years that kept us apart.

Dreary welling,
It's collecting like dust in my eyes.
Faint, I hazily step through the doorway,
Veiled and lonely,
Feeling the fog lift slightly as I stumble.

The lights are low and grey,
Everything I don't want to face,
Is staring at me straight-on,
Can't avoid this venomed gaze.

I'm stuck in the current past,
Flinging myself further from the path,
Evading a silent future.
I don't want to fade,
Not from this timeline carrying you-
Desperate, I'm clinging onto nothing,
Inhaling wispy non-existence.
Silk shards swish distantly,
Twining haughtily across a melancholy heart.

Spring rebirths all greenery-
The change in season only withers me.
I've enough of wallowing-
But, deeply rooted in carnivorous soil,
I won't ever see the sun.
The crumbly dirt swallows about my stems,
Dissolving every present bloom.

Devour, crunch,
I entertain demise,
The jaws of beneath,
Blood soaked and tear splashed,
My whole being,
Rend limb from limb.
He arrogantly lounged atop the scene,
Fluttering wings flicked aside to shield,
His countenance from any mess.

Blue orbs,
Sky and ocean reside,
Brimming with mirth,
Alight with scorn.
His wide grin,
And glistening teeth,
Reflected in pattering rain,
Magnified within the droplets.

Lowly in his eyes,
I buckle knee-first at his feet,
Witnessing Wrath's effervescent joy,
At me, his faithful dog,
Who obediently lapped up the remains.

You great FOOL!
Ah, the grating disappointment,
Truly, I'm not mad,
Just repulsed.

Repression,
Ostracize yourself-
My spirit of rationality!
The shrieks and wails,
Oh, hysterical moaning,
My mind is mourning.

With your pathetic anticipation,
Greedily, I refuse to sleep.
Heavy eyelids,
I pinch my throat to stay alive.

Nothing is coming,
Definitely,
Positively,
He is aware,
Agh, my useless desires!
These immoral pangs,
Fleeting?
Surely, I hope for it.
This crisis I build alone,
Enough to topple me from head to toe.
Mind is racing,
Galloping against the tide-
Dramatic enough to become addicted,
To the voice of one passion.

It feels like a gift,
Maybe its true,
My life, worth something?
Surprising news.

Chilly winds seep through my paling skin,
With ghostly palor,
I faint into the downpour.
Washed into the muddy path,
It clumps in my hair.
An earthy cleansing.
I peer towards
The quivering hearts-
They've changed this spring.

Bleeding more profusely,
I pump them through my fingers.
The stems refuse to snap,
Buds infinitely thumping,
Regardless.
Wind, rain, time-
None of it changes,
Always by my side.

Is this your odd message?
Delivered through something you know I won't ignore-
The air is fresh,
Everything renewed.
In the distance,
Ripe-red apples bloom.

I'm not sure I like this year,
Time trudges along,
Indifferent.
None of it will stop,
But I can't think fast enough.
Just let my brain go blank-
Will my destination change?

Odd,
How such a miserable angle,
Seems to brighten up the day.
Although fatigue opts to stay,
The wispy clouds of loneliness evaporate.
Fresh air wafts in through it's place,
Drawing a bitter trail across the shades.

The clock murmurs throughout the late-night hours,
Melting all too quickly away.
Breaking the cycle of buzzing silence,
Pass cracked lips slip a whistling groan,
Mouth a barren mound of sand,
And breaths the blazing sun that ignites it beneath one's feet.

Occasionally,
The brain sinks into a state of undead,
As if even in the afterlife I'm cursed to think.
What a relief it would be,
If all the passing time that tortures me,
Is nothing but eternal day in a sluggish, everlasting rest.

Even the memories,
A past I long to stay in,
Yet one I could not wait to leave,
Are only color-stained within photography.
Who is sheparding my thoughts?
Are you asleep on the job?
They're on a rampaging stampede,
Mindlessly trampling me underneath.
****** hoofprints drag bits of scattered matter into dusty wasteland,
Barren, dry, and with no end in sight.

Tapping those frozen, innocent smiles,
Adorning every "########" you've captured,
As if it could transmit back into me,
That youthful vitality.
Bitter tears and sour defeats,
For the worse, have changed me.
Without a place to stand,
How can I ever steady my feet?

Mangled soul who salivates at my misery,
Devour me whole,
Swallow up the mortal and the Soul.
No matter how vile the blood or rotten the flesh,
Savor the terror that slips down your throat,
And cherish the ecstasy of my fervent last breath.

Like droplets of ink,
Staining the scent with a purple hue,
Swallowing sweet crispy air-
Blueberries dance on the edge of my tongue,
Lilacs freckle my nose,
And cloudy skies moisten my eyes.

A broken-down green couch,
Itching roughly against my feet,
Perched just below white windowsill,
With roses and birds in a row.
Phantom rain breaches sepia bleached glass,
Everything is just as it was.

A calm settles across the blurry room,
Soft, ominous shifting of sand,
Commands urgency in the faint distance.
A strong craving for something I only mildly liked,
Painting memories so vividly,
I'm convinced it's real,
Till the hourglass empties,
And I awake with a gasp.

So bitter as it rolled past her lips, over her tongue,
Melted into Fall, crunching, cracking leaves,
Yet so sweet - a hint of pumpkin pie,
Cinnamon dripped over the edge.
It left a strange, comfy taste in her mouth,
All woolen blankets and velvet pillows; she was content in their embrace.

The next day, it was hearty oak.
Bark crackled beneath her canines,
Thick warmth, smooth and full,
Drizzled generously upon it,
It's tender flame melting the crust to chocolate.
She savored the taste,
reminiscent of small adventures.

I feel too tired to cry anymore,
A headache's coming along.
Tracing the curve of my brows,
The pounding furiously responds.

I feel too tired to breath,
Could someone else do it for me?
Or better yet,
Put me to sleep,
So that I can silently pass on.
An enjoyable delusion.

Its unlikely it'll happen naturally.
It must be me,
To hold the hand of peace.
Burning and extinguished,
I ***** everything into my hands.
Crawling with filthy mold,
I stare down my insides,
Observing my excessive intake,
Of failure and reward.

I feel too tired to live,
I'd like you to help me brain,
As we're not very useful, at all.
So shut down casually,
And end this miserable lull.
You may think I am dramatic,
And right would you be,
I am useless,
Meaningless and weak.
It's only right I get used and thrown away.
(Please, keep me safe from it).
I don't want things from you-
I'm fine on my own.
Die young?
Good riddance;
At least then, I'd be isolated.

The dam's going to break soon,
Already marred with cracks,
Salty drops welling up through the holes,
Staining the reservoirs below.
When the waves crash through,
No one's here to help me,
So it mustn't leave the room.

Distracting my mind is the only way to hide from it-
It's been too long since the corners have been dusted,
And the room's about to collapse.
Among the burning ruins,
The past knaws barbarically at my rotting flesh,
Falling from bones that shouldn't be as old as they are.

The ribs cage a cowering child,
Screaming and shouting
"I don't want to cry!"
Biting it's fingers to swallow attention from anything but pain.
"Please, God, take these burdensome feelings away!"
Merciful He granted my wish,
Perhaps to make me realize,
Just how foolish that was.

Ah, my knuckles are ******-
The rain sweeps by,
Chilling but it warms the air,
Washing away these light marks.
There's an imprint of something delightful,
Burning a path from my forehead to my lips.
Reality focuses in the alley lights,
Fading if I only keep my eyes on the pavement.

Right in the thick of it-
I relish in space, peace.
One of a kind,
It tastes, smells, feels grand.
Yet I can't ever see it.
In the wind,
It numbs me,
Nimbly dancing over my nose,
I shiver and lick the drip that falls to my tongue.

Nightfall tastes like rain in a river,
I revel in an isolated silence,
I hear this ringing tune,
Audible to only me.
My voice, however, resounds-
Crossing the patchy grass,
It weaves under the city track.

Darker, its louder.
Blending against the smooth grain,
Only when it quiets do I hear past.
It's a calm journey in my car,
Sights are beautified,
Aesthetic, glorified.
Tired?
Let's rest by the roadside,
Time won't slow,
But when dawn arrives,
So will a fresh mind.

Procrastination is a scary thing,
And I wish I could focus,
As I feel the last hours slipping away.

I'm writing the same mindless drivel,
How many times will I make the same point in different ways?
Yet its neither coherent or comprehensible,
Until I slap it together, watching it's brittle bones shake,

Am I even making a point?
I know what I'm writing,
But obviously, I don't-
Will they understand it as it grows?
Just a little push,
I'll be right as rain,
And 300 ideas will rush out of my brain -

So let me focus
Instead of down,
And watch as I finish ahead of the race.

Here we stand,
Screaming, quiet, then alone.
Deal, squash, don't cry,
And for every drop of blood drawn,
Peace slowly fills the body.

I've been waiting,
Aching, longing,
To watch the future end...
God if I don't know it's a sin,
Yet eternal sleep is such an easy win.

Cowardice grows fat with will,
Fear adorning shrunken lips with slitted glee,
Swallowing up what's left of me.
Still, something always lingers,
Tethering suffering to lifelines,
That's what keeps me awake.

Burn away thy face,
Wash the vile sickness into deep space,
Leave your purified soul to wander,
Without thought or capability.

There won't be anything to miss,
Plagued by the desire of our vessel,
If only we lived on air,
Even without withering away,
We'd be free from mortal waste.

Abyss slips its fingers round our neck,
Violently cold and comfortingly coarse,
It squeezes till fear bubbles out and pops with great force,
Leaving us to a silent debate.
Without my tangible form,
We can do naught but think,
Endless torment in NeverEnding chaos.
Release is stuck, impossible,
When my hands and mouth are obsolete,
For there is no pen I can possibly hold,
And no words accompanying.

Regret is imminent,
Yet regardless of how we repent,
This curse we brought upon ourselves
Will bind us separately.

I felt it again,
Scorch of motivation,
Flooding acknowledgement,

Don't ever kiss and tell,
But we can **** and write,
Falling apart as quickly
as the fueled string ignites.

Watchtower Guards-men
Bellow to the waves,
Beneath the catastrophe-struck skies,
Lay the coffin
We've ceased to maintain.
And history shall pen in the books,
"Again."

It's not the nauseating smell of ****,
That I wish to forget,
Or of perfume-drenched pillows,
Covering the fear that lingers in my eyes,
That fogged my head and whirled my stomach about.
Just like an ink stain that won't wash away,
Potent shade sloppily spreads across my hands,
Dying my furrowed brows in grey,
and mixing my Nights into Days.

You are more of a burning thought than a question
Piercing the clouds with breaths of impossibility,
For such a thing was never meant to be.
So long to this forlorn farewell,
A cautious paw to an unyielding Man.
Perfection is always incomplete,
And it is through that lens,
That I know you see me.

Have I ever written for myself?
Or has it always been to keep my brain in check?
There is no opportunity without dissonance-
Words respond to agony,
They ignore me at my best.
When everything finally goes right,
And it feels as though a future for me exists,
I find myself missing the feeling of a pen in my hand.

Burning up the bookend wax,
Time slowing to match my heart,
Leaning into broken silence,
Scritch-scratching lead leaving a hurried, feverish mark.
No peeping,
Nor perked ears,
So even the walls find time to sleep.

Blue and white,
Young starlit nights,
Cradled in the soft string lights,
You and I but shadows in endless black.

At one point the name shattered,
And, we, became the same.
Surrounded by a constant new,
Something begs to be born,
But the soil is long withered,
And the sun's fallen to the moon.

Wicker candles,
Fine wooden handle,
Sea salt caramel foam -
Desert Amber
Billowing incense whispers,
"Yes, we are alone."

Quick to melt,
yet slow to smile,
Nesting in the dusty scent of old,
as if the new was yet to exist.

Obsession, longing
Once one in the same,
Seems it safe to say that nothing has changed.
In the name of Love,
Awful, selfish, and Terrible Love,
Sweet, elated, affection,
Rapt, continuous attention!
You've lost every semblance of self,\
Become entirely someone else-
And I,
Was obviously never meant to be me,
So together these creations live happily,
In everlasting, eternal Peace.

Antiquated rain drips off the eaves and window frames,
A remnant of midnight air frosting the carpet.
Drowsy, idle, and crisp -
Are you early morning or late night?
Neither city lights nor sunrise define you,
Only a vague feeling whispers your name.
Crack the window,
Let those eerie winds decide