I am shame and failure personified.
I speak tongues of anguish,
And cry hollow tears-
Neither a devil nor angel,
What remains is only evil.

Feeling miserably enthusiastic,
I waver in living
And turn in my grave,
Rising sleeplessly from rest
And energetically from never-ending nights.

God do I love these contradictions,
I am a walking opposite,
Live and breathe as confusion,
Not even I can understand myself.
The few times I do,
Shame digs me back into my empty grave,
Dark, dusty, and waiting.

Look for me and you will go blind,
Lose your eyes and give away your mind.
Don't search for me,
Following the call?
I've set the plate,
I plan to eat my meal clean.

Good God,
Writhing heart,
I feel the pinch in my dominant hand.
Naught can stop these stubby knobs from growing cold,
Freezing from joint to tip.
Even I can only witness,
And blow hard as I can-
Even elation, the fleeting warmth,
Cannot stay by my side.
It flits about the flesh,
Breathing life here and there,
But every time the piece revives,
A minutes time will go by,
Before it dies all over again.
What a terrible, terrible loss,
I've made for me to bear-
And yet as I fail to,
I cut it off,
Removing the tumor at the root.
Oh yowl and howl loudly I do,
At every problem I create,
Thinking I'd enjoy the pain,
And yet I still cannot.

**** you, I felt good for a while,
Then I fall right back as you open your mouth,
Stuck in a pile of anxiety stretching miles and miles,
I feel the fear wash over me-
Doubt settling as stability flees,
Can't we all just forget about it?
I forgive you,
But you'll never forgive yourself,
And as much as I want to get over it,
You keep chomping at the bit.

Swallow, spit,
Rinse, repeat,
That's how I handle unnecessary feelings,
It doesn't always work as it should,
I feel like a fool attached to these strings,
Steel wire that weaves flesh to bend and stretch without resistance.

The birds quit chirping,
They fall to the ground, and wither the flowers around them,
Fill the air with the rot of their corpse,
And with beady eyes stare at me through the window,
Choking me as I gorge on myself,
Deconstructing my worth, existence,
Invisible, that's the goal,
Whimpering quietly and fading,
Why should I exist,
If I can take the easy way out?

Started to miss you,
Before you were gone.
Now you've left,
I'm headed straight back to denial.

My memory is too weak to encapsulate the full spirit of your past presence,
I only have our last moments together on my mind-
Frankly, it was terrifying.

Are you at peace now?
Do you think you'll meet old relations?
Say hello if you happen to pass by.
If there is an afterlife,
I hope you get everything you've ever wanted out of it.
And as time flies,
One day I'll reunite with you.

Again, again, again.
Closely following the fine line
Between dreary darkness and sandy beaches,
But at the end of the shore
The forest will continue to stretch,
We're not out of the woods just yet.

Gloom shrouds the sky-
Faint sunlight tracing the casket in the clouds,
The sharp winds of age swallows up the offered youthful pup,
And spits back out mutilated, wrinkled flesh, a pile, a worm,,
Nothing that one would ever yearn to see,
Nor what was expected,
It sure is horrific.

Hollowed roots can't squeeze enough water from the branches,
For as much as they drip,
Every drop becomes poisonous seeds,
As it puddles haphazardly atop the woodland floor.

Inanimate, emotionless?
The heart of a doll.
**** to live long
If it weren't for eternity.

Time to cry myself to sleep,
All this wailing in my head,
Suddenly I wish I was dead-
God I can barely breath,
I'm choking.

This burden too much to bear,
I'm comforting myself in desperation.
Bite down ******* trembling lips,
Swallow back the grief and sick,
But still a few indignites slip through closed eyes.

How I wish that you were here,
I am detached until it's asked,
Are those swirling eyes of mine an indicator of emotion?
Deny it no matter how it looks,
And run away,
No one shall share my woes if they know my face.