i hope i will bang my head
on that ******* stone at least
four more times

i hope i will hit my head very hard and will have to endure a lot
and be in pain and bleed from at least four different hotels
i meant to write homes but it corrected itself
because i have turned my homes into hotels
making memories to never tell
but whisper them please

you are not waiting for me and this life is ungrateful
but let me hit my head again
on blue barks and tree branches
of oiled backs well wetted and
move backwards get easy

untangle myself
cross my legs and put another slab
of tongue on my chin
eat me
laminate my body and freeze my soul
there is only one way of having me

even you are aware
i step out of my bed
as if i do not have anything to fall for anymore
as if i am descending
stairs of bubble rooms, clay masques, sundown, saliva, ultra violence

lies there
procrastinates outside
and (as in a dream) no one that was affected by anything other than
the wind

surely i am the Moon Queen
surely my back itched
how did you expect me not to be
my long paragraphs about my
desire for water were not only witness to a great
desire in me they also understood that i need to dip my fingers
how my back ached wishing it could press tighter against my heart
i need warm bare flesh
another form of protection

surely my desire to change the past cannot move backwards
it bounces back into my chest and mind and hits and hits
we are two swans
elegant and defending another fort both widowed
black swans
that might have been the reason why

surely when the fire dies it still
is ardent among the ashes
for a long time

excusez-moi and we will talk soon
you need not slice through the jelly ***** of
reality in search of understanding
you need not destroy since everything is
see-through slice your own eyelids start there

you need not break the clouds there
are too many things above the clouds
even when you cannot see them
pulling you towards one direction or another

do you understand that our bodies
are made up of water
bodies of water under directorial reign of the moon

is it really that difficult then to understand the rope you are
holding at full moon? the red paint?
the bare bodies at full rotation
passionately trying to match the speed of the moon
at complete curve
arching backs to receive some more warmth and
the summer is only now coming to an end

can you feel the sharpness of our
breaths that the earth is a ****** globe every
crack inviting to twirl every
cliff asking to get fingered when
storms collide do you not feel heartbroken something
has collapsed within the brain do
you understand you must decide on these things

and the belly stretches out for miles
for you a living bed, organism, blanket
come, sleep in me
come, lay your head down in me

save the anonymous

i thought summer into my heart

many sunflowers curling blonde upside down; down small
golden tears like locks of that is good chance

i will be in good chance

that is; i thump horses into my heart

they thump and they thump must be
that my heart is a beach

each horse grey waved equally curtained, elegant, shy

red veils, which reminds me: i am red
little children, which reminds me: i crown myself young

i am the heir of rays of youth
sunbathing; the heiress calms down

galloping i am ready for fields of summer

miles of summer, miles of red veils, the waves of calmness

millions of grey waves, thumping
slowly unveil themselves to be brightly, a myriad ways parting

the sun lightly heated my back like a soft blanket and there is another person laying with me
and draws lines from chin to hip
and is soft and sweetly licks my ear lobe in the dark
all of the wrinkles in my body are slightly softer
and i am less sharp to you
i remember a beach and a sea and myself who was standing there alone the water had gone up till my ankles
i was looking for a feeling a purpose a meaning and when the sun rose i could say yes that is it
just like how the sun rises and dives stemming from an eternal duty my brain makes the same images dutifully rise and dive
myself on the beach myself between the sheets myself and all of the waves that come over me whether they were made of water or linen
if i were to go on until all the memories were gone and
only the bad feelings remained i might as well
scoop my brain out of my skull and kick it away like a football
in my part of the universe there is only half of what could have been and not even the good part there is too much muchness
even the headlights know i cannot help it over and over again
i fall into it
and i am not really ******* we are kind of close to each other and still immersed by smoke

new definition of that there are no set solutions no
promises are real i am
in a dark room tried to undo myself
from all the hair ties it is haywire
disaster i'm bleeding everywhere
i'm sorry like electronically waves
sometimes i think about suicide and
then i wouldn't know how much deeper i can
dig i would be Thanatos and nothing else i will just keep going
going smash my face on the floor little
spatters a carve a wineglass in my veins so
i am red on the outside like i am
red and fire on the inside

there can be only one conclusion
we're all terrified and outside is
terrible and in me there are terrible
doors and like a car crash they're all so wide open
and our love is wide open like a bleeding eye and
closed like me at lunch time and by
spring i will be completely empty or opened again it all means
the same thing and at spring or
at lunch time i can't tell the difference anymore
i'll be completely apathetic i will look at
you from a frontal point of view and i will say
i can't feel my legs they do not
take me anywhere anymore all i want is to
have a window to look
out maybe i will see you walking down the street
and i'll hear that music playing in my head

i was thinking of how we behave as cinema
creatures in dark theatres strenuous thumbs
you crawl up to me and become the smallest man in
humanities little hairlocks between
kisses how you raise my elbow to
bring my fingers near your lips how
you raise my elbow

you said feet are a medium for
intimacy and i can't put down
my heels on the streets like i used to

you were never strange you were
always far away and i was always holding up a magnifying glass to
remember every detail always in preparation i was always
holding up a magnifying glass i was always in love i was
always in love

even Camus is at a loss:
"what i'm getting at is that the emptiness
should be happy i am so
sorry life is absurd in all
sorts of airplane crashes
and twin towers you'd
expect both of you to go down but
here you are i see you
shrinking without him"
and when i see you in the train cabinet my
heart knocks politely on my ribcage: Are You Okay?
No
and then i realise it wasn't you someone
had the same effect of me latching my eyes onto you wanting
to talk to you wanting to talk to you wanting to
talk to you not wanting to talk to you using
this train for other purposes, example:
How To Disappear Completely
Thom Yorke even apologised for the similarities dear
i know this makes you think of him just listen one more minute it will
hurt just enough the whole world hurts just enough doesn't everything remind you of him? even the others's lips are rough insofar as they scratch memory's fragility oh god
it comes in waves and i push my tail deeper into
the water
du bonheur et rien d'autre
write me another piece of ******* you closed
the door in my face then i put a lock on it and now
i plead i keep on standing in tall grass, tiny horses
and thumbs might **** me

mathematics state that the line in the middle of my chest
is a border

where blood passes over to purple
where i pass over to you (some thoughts)

i sort myself out trash myself another me
wants control
another me screams something about shells
that i should put them over my ear shells i should
never listen to your paper voice (is it weak)
never listen to gravity it proves i cannot ever fall harder or
faster or with more impact still i feel more impact
something has changed and no branch of science has the means to prove it i am standing alone with my feelings

i pass the border in myself then
split myself into two halves

someone that still longs for absurdity
someone else that has long sharp fingers
ticks on the table counter until multiple punctured holes manifest
present my patience dissolved

i am punctured
my brain counter top leaks through my ear shells into the leaves of grass where i sit present
and am writing that you mop through my thoughts
please do not aggravate the mess

show me you can be split in half (double identity)
luminous today
******* scraps of me tomorrow
and kissing and kissing and kissing

i have never heard of morals give me more autumn chill me
shiver my shins sleep in my flesh keep warm with bled blanket that only just fits we sit herded on sofas bigger than psychiatry though it holds us barely
our minds a millennium freestyle
i feel revivable, immortal, extorted
went under in a fortnight
now i feel reborn like Zephyrus
i stride westwards never slowly i am storming on
what were strong teeth and pearl mask
this venus retrograde i am unmasking you
my mouth is a telephone spit line and i will call you tomorrow

my memory is split twice and i will never forget how
we sank deeper into my mattress
lowered into the foam
two froth corpses one bite out of my each of my feet
bottled up scabs to heal something else maybe later i am saving on everything now just in case ploughed down my
plan b capitalism saxophonist co-producer nudess star

reverse of i am ways revisited
sent some string quartets to my past self some poems some antlers and me in a black-and-white dream again reliving the uncontrollable
taste the soap lips eyes inwards finger gun pointed
focussed on myself
my essence is wild picking
flowers off of your back a stroll
a toll on my muscles

i crawl
lift my left leg slightly
bend my fronton backwards

i drink more air craft
restricted
gulping
death metal

i want you to
go inside my room
outlive yourself then go
outside amid plains and forget all of the limb peaks and die then rebirth yourself in the morning climb yourself mount yourself
causal cliff
and in front of me
you are hanging by a thread

i tried to wash my hands
under this infected tap she is
completely empty
i dream often about pool, grandmother,
extending my hands into nothingness

i will scatter the ashes of a spoiled
we over the city that is already full of
senseless lungs, poured glasses and running
eyes i see your set of eyes you possess
a to me bloodshot wisdom i am floor-bound i will whirl in
an ongoing we

i make an incision around my hairline a
perfect cyclus an aureole
take off my skull softly a hat where i
evaporate see an upward heaviness lying here
long lines a violation
i see black regret like poison me as a think-rider jump over another fence become as a talk-shaman to dissect myself
fits me better than to say i am cutting myself it is more like a construction of soft fingertips that slide and slip into holes and
explore embrace self-respecting arms

there are piles of material in this house
my intuition a healing functionality i follow a
method my skull a hat a backpack a shield with which i depart

believe myself to be complete
a true vision
my cracked one, my beautiful one
never finger-pointing
i am castle-like, architectural
i do not become i am i am i am

breathing feels so nice at
the turning point of the year
will everything be upside down
will i be learned
we will see we will see

to breath in once more
and then it is over
in pivoting snowflake-lights
in whirls to breath in once more
and then it starts all over the
pivoting

the pivoting around a dot and the
walking down a line
the balance between our hands this
high in my lungs that i
choose to hold in/put aside/put on everything
of the breaths that that is safer

at night we stand still
look over our shoulders
something is still flickering turning
snowflake-lights or something more beautiful
that only we own

close your eyes i do not want you to see this
only feel it and there is nothing up
my sleeves
a bird that you are lands with
imprints in my shoulders where
i stand firmly i dare
to stand still

drips southwards
with elevators in rivers
and your finger-claws riding around my
neighbourhood
i will be friendly

when you interrogate me
i will sweetly tie you up
with bow and myrrh
you could be a christmas present at autumn equinox
meaning always keeping the wrong fête in mind
i will resort to dating only palms and knees

total antagonist
repetitious permissive
fantastic utopian
analogue submissive

ask me in time how to dim two lights at once
short buildings
with folded stories

mail me to underground aquaria
see who will take me
honeysuckle my inner thigh

fishnet tights
resist my eyes and trust yourself
******-corner revealed
spotted tattoos in verity
you have four minutes

the fourth one being most crucial
in my crystal castle
medieval Medea versus myself

and always the wild cheers
and always the new flushes of neo-bubbles the golden
spritz the extravaganza the flow the flush again the flush the witch

if only the dark brew the clear foam of necks scaled and breaks-evens
if only four miles without eye's sighs and brown leaves of life crumpled under gloved feet the feast blaming jupiter for everything

so the plain thigh calls out dedramatise me lip my inner skin
so turnover your glass nose stiff mouth bloodshot shin it’s partaking
at one to five in the morning should bed’s seconds allow it

so i am wondering do you ever think of me
if only in shifted night vision wine-blurred mind drifting
and always a little bit melodramatically nostalgically charged, lovely

excuse me there is a hole in your
face through which i peaked every day
that things were always as they are now
and i wasn't even blind
i was peaking through a transparant sheet
maybe i never even saw you

Eliot remarked do you know that humankind
cannot bear very much reality. that even he was aware
a whole century ago that the one to come
would still have all of this *******
makes me think of a non-existing century
could be my new apartment
and i'll paint the walls

i'll crash into life however
childish that may sound and i'll
break my skull split
myself in half and we have
a puddle of red to practise with
i'm unsatisfied over everything

and i'll jump there's a bottle of red
in the kitchen and i poured it away and now
i regret though might have been for the best
must've turned sour by then
amongst other things i try not to think about

you should watch me while i breathe
because at night i don't
at night i try not to think about
too much or you at night
i look down obey myself all the
lights are out
i turn within myself think about
all those shaky breaths how i try to
stop them
when the beast in me stamps
when it licks my wounds
it does that too
i prefer to be alone at least a part of the night
it wasn't like this before
but all the waves tired me
i want to close my eyes in cool
softly running tap water

you are standing on the top of
my tree-trunk head you are a beautiful
bird and i am handing
you your wings
i swear i love you excruciatingly
am crushed under your bird feet

lift me up and you never
will and will you ever let me go
can i lift myself out of this dirt or
am i planted like this for now

i enlist whatever i acquiesce
i juxtapose comparisons i drown
myself in learning about the awful ways
of life and lingering

i am controversialist
exceptional conversationist empty
boudoir tired Heidegger
how did i come into waking can i turn
my back one more time