I promised myself that
I’d never make anyone my world
And I didn’t

I made my own world
And spun in my axis
Days passed
Lives flashed
And flickered

I had convinced myself
That I didn’t need anyone to orbit me
That I had too much on my plate to keep me busy
The constellations needed arranging
The planets needed realigning
The stars needed shining

Yes no one was my world
And it was fine
So I spun
And I spun
And I spun
On my own

But I didn’t know
That my world was set
For the big bang course
And was bound to collide with yours

When it hit
My world shook
My world was set on fire
My world was never the same

Yet after all that
You didn’t become my world still
As I had always promised

My world was mine
And your world was yours
Though admittedly there was no part of mine
That was left untouched by yours

Your gravity worked
So strongly on me
Pulling me in so effortlessly
Though I didn’t mind really
Sticking around for an eternity
Because truthfully
To be apart from you
Is something I never want to be

So there we were
In a cosmic dance we vowed to do forever
And it was amazing
As we spun
And we spun
And we spun
Together

Yes my world was mine
And your world was yours
Yet in the process
You somehow managed
To become my whole universe

Depression
It seems like an indention

A dent in my life
Like a truck
Was too late to pull to a stop
And there was nothing to do but drop
And lie flat
Let it flatten me
So I can never get up

It hit and left a mark
An imperfection
They say
A decision
They say
It's not
But it's hard to argue
When everyone's talking over you

So just come and commentate on
My descent into sadness
                             madness
What's the difference?
It's not going to make people understand better

Come, let's just wait
For the perfect moment
       the perfect torment
When voices like mine
Start screaming in minds like mine
Regurgitating
Imitating
Reiterating
        Varying speculations
        on what's wrong with me
                    wrong in me
                    wrong and me
                    wrongme

Help me ready the hearse
To bury this curse
Once and for all
Though everyone hoped I didn't have to come along
I kept hearing that it was a choice
It didn't feel like it was
       So I thought I was missing out
But now it's all good no doubt
Because I get to use the coffin I myself picked out.

It would take me
An eternity

To list all the reasons why I love you
And all the things that I would do
To keep my life filled to the brim with you

But that’s okay
Really
If it takes an eternity
I would gladly
Give it my all

Because I know
With every part of my being
That I will love you
For just as long

Well I fell in love with mother nature
          with her destructive yet benevolent ways
She had a look she gave me
          sensation like lightning
She had beauty like a hurricane
          it demanded attention
Yet her presence was that of a gentle breeze
          on a scorching summer day
Subtle yet longed for
          in every way
Her touch sent earthquakes
          that shook the very earth on which I stood upon
As I fell to the floor
          and my knees kissed the ground
I begged her
          to have mercy on my heart
          which she had flooded with desperate want

What’s wrong with a broken heart?
I have a whole one
And honestly I’d rather have it gone

Because what use is a heart so perfect?
When there’s not a crack on the surface
To let anyone in?

Indeed over time
Mine has become a battle hardened soldier
          It falls
          And gets broken
Only to come back stronger than ever

But maybe
It’s become a bit too strong

So strong
It’s brittle

I try to distract myself
          With mindless tasks
A futile attempt to calm myself down

Yet it still fills my head
          Those words I wanted to hear
But never did

It burns at the back of my head
And I still feel it
          Strumming at my vocal chords
          Plucking at my heartstrings
So like a fool I thought the tune would carry
          Across the stormy seas we once sailed on
I thought it would carry
          All the way to you
Yes, like a fool for you I called you
          In the middle of the night
So that the words I’ve never heard
          Could finally be spoken
Even if it came from someone like me
          Who’s already broken
It rang for a while
          With two beeps at the end
But as the tone finished
          This is all that was said
“Subscriber cannot be reached, please try again later.”

If I tell myself
          It’s fine
          It’s okay
          I’m alright
If I say it enough times
          Will it come true?
          Will I believe it?
          Will I stop feeling like ****?
Someone please come
          Save me
          Make me feel safe
Because I feel like
          I’m drowning
                    Crashing
                              Falling
And I have half a mind
          To just let my self
                    Drown
                              Crash
                                        Fall
Somebody listen
          To my call
Because I have half a mind
          Which doesn’t want to go
But right now
          That half is losing
So here I am
          Ever so slowly descending
Into empty space I go
          When it’s beside you I’d much rather be
So please won’t you come and listen
          To this lilting melody
          This playful banter
          Between me and my fleeting sanity
Yes
          It’s fine
          It’s okay
          I’m alright

Yes no need to worry
But hurry
          Please hurry
Try to make me feel lucid
          As you tug me back to reality
Help me back up
          Because I did bring rope
But it’s much too short
          To scale the sides of this pit
And the ladder
          Has fallen over
Along with the chair lying on its side
My head is spinning
          And my neck is aching
                    Won’t you pepper it with kisses
                              To stop the burning?
But you’re not here
          No one is

And maybe later
          I won’t be either

I've lost my mind
Trying to put everything into order
I've lost my soul
Trying to find my self
Or at least what I could gather
I've lost people I love
Trying my best, for them, to be better

But now I'm afraid of finding out what I've become
Though I'm more afraid of finding out
That I didn't have to become anything at all
That I was just this monster all along
And what everbody believes about me is wrong

It's easy to make people think they know me
That they can read me so easily
I wish it was so
But they don't
Not really
And they can't
Not even the summary

Because I've become too good at hiding
A product of lifetimes before a mirror practicing
Nobody really knows the trick behind it but me
And honestly
Sometimes I wish it didn't always work so easily
But nobody's gotten past the mask I wear daily
Because people like the facade I give
And the words that say I wear my heart on my sleeve

I'm a master of illusion
Making things seem like they're there
When they're not
So don't ever tell me you love me
Because that's not something you know
So I'm sorry if I'm not quite convinced
That it's me you love
And not my shadow