I finally found God.
He told me His name was Nothing.
And Nothing is in my heart
wherever I go.

My family and friends can see
that Nothing is inside of me.
They ask what's going on in my life.

I tell them the very good news.
That Nothing is inside of them too!
I try and explain my new found religion:

Nothing is sacred
because Nothing will greet you when you die
and Nothing will love you forever
and Nothing will save you from yourself.

I found my god.
I named him Nothing.
And Nothing helps me sleep at night.
And Nothing takes my pain away.

"Despite' is such a romantic word
and
I am not feeling particularly
romantic this evening.
Daytime scotch whiskey
and Chopin
living out the stereotype
of myself
That I am.


Nothing in life is "despite the pain'
so i will  instead say
sinply:

It would have been a beautiful life
were it not
For all the pain.

The only thing keeping me alive is the
fact that my life has been utterly unremarkable.

Be dark but not
too dark.

Be tortured but not
so tortured
that it tortures me.

The thick of it all
is wearing me thin.
I know that you're broken,
but where have you been?

Be everything I want.
Be everything I need.
I love what's in your blood.
I can't stand how much you bleed.

Be dark but not
too dark.

I don't know where to begin
I don't care how this ends
I lost my mind a million years ago

And you can't act like you're surprised
When I tell you yet another lie
It's what I said I'd do right from the start

And while you cry yourself to sleep
I sleep so well I forget to breathe
It's why we both look so tired all the time.

I ain't that much older than you
And you're smarter than me
So
You should understand this
Sudden detachment
And you shouldn't believe me
When I say that
I am sorry
Even though
I truly am.

And I understand what T.S. Eliot meant when he wrote that poem....
Because I feel so hollowed out.
And I want to scream and end my life
but all I do is
whimper.