Feeling thankless,
but what can I say?
You've given me a body
that's falling apart
and a mind
that's not doing much better.

The Fall leaves are rustling,
forming some sort of poetic image
I guess.

All else has failed...
Those who insisted that contentment
comes with perseverance
have lied.

All else has failed...
It's like sitting idly
waiting for the world to end.
There's nothing better
or easier to do.

All else has failed...
Panic attacks and crying spells
on the ***** carpet.
Sweat dripping from meaningless *******
with a girl I tried so hard to care about.
But could not.

Those big words that makes us so unhappy....
I spent so long learning them.
Searching for bliss in my own intellect.
Everything I have learned
about life and love
pushes me farther from it.

I wanted to fight the darkness
but instead fell inside.
And those big words won't help me escape
because I can't say anything.
And they can't hear anything

Nothing is real anymore,
All else has failed...
I'm losing my ******* mind.

And so, what now?
The room lingers
waiting for something
(anything)
to happen.

A silent echo
endlessly reverberating.
A sound left to linger
like that particular snap
of a bone cracking in two.

....But this is so much more painful.
There's a scar on my arm
from when they drilled a titanium plate
into that broken bone.

You let the silence speak for you
(as it tends to do)
Quiet tears convene on the bedsheets.

Oh, please say something.
Say that you will be okay.
Tell me that you are not broken.

I do not think that I am worth breaking from.
I do not think that I am worth crying over.
I do not think that I am a monster
but that is up for you to decide.

Oh, love, please say something.
Say something.
(Anything.)

That silent echo
that endless reverberation.
... I can feel your heart
snapping in two.

But I am no surgeon.

No, I am that dying oak tree
in your front yard.
You climbed it higher and higher
unaware of my emptiness under the bark.
You climbed me higher and higher
happier and happier.

But I snapped under the increasing weight of your love
and watched as you fell from me.
You snapped in two and landed
on these bedsheets
where you can't stop crying.

Love, say something.
(Anything.)

Just like the dark blue bottle
you shattered when you were drunk
yes drunk, far too drunk.
Claiming to be sober and failing
like a bird with a broken wing
pretending to fly.
Yes, just like that bottle
with the shards scattered about the floor,
I stepped on a small piece
and watched the blood drip out
as a part of you became embedded in me;
I was disappointed when the bleeding stopped.

Just like that ******* dark blue
incandescent bottle
that broke on the kitchen tile.

You've made us blue with fear,
blood dripping on the floor, red
red like the anger and the blood and the bruises
of everyone around you.

Just like the color sadness that is blue
is you
drunk along alive alone
surrounded by the blue shards of bleeding glass
that used to be the ones who loved you.

We are told to be happy
told to be healthy
'Go to the university, son'
to be handed intelligence
'Make some money,
marry a pretty girl.'
Force children into the world
to do as you did.

Live in a nice house
for the rest of your days.
Sit outside and watch your happy
healthy
normal children
play.

You'll hardly hear the whimper
of the sparrow
caught in the teeth of your
purebred black labrador retriever.

A bird with a broken wing
expected to live a life of flight.

So frequently do we hear
of the intoxicated eyes
with nothing behind them.

So frequently do they face
repudiation
from the isolated introvert.

They can't see straight
they can't think straight
they willfully walk the line of self destruction.

These eyes swirl around me,
and here I stand:
confused and fascinated.

A brief feeling of at home:
surrounded by eyes
as empty as mine.