We sat close, huddled for warmth
in my freezing abode, a lone candle
lighting the room. Hands
with a mind of their own move
and caress
and cannot help but hold you.

We shared our worlds
and painted our faces
and laughed like children.

No one saw us and we were happier
that way.

I remember your voice as you read me
your favorite poem:

"...Of human love,—renounce for these, I say,
The Singing Mountain’s memory..."

And your brow furrowed as you
listened to mine, looking for some
hidden message in the words that were not mine:

"...Here, now, we forget each other and ourselves..."

We smiled like we used to
(before we forgot how.)
We told secrets we didn't know we had.
And nothing felt wrong
or ill-at-ease.

We slept most of the night as one,
holding each other like we couldn't let go.
So close that my skin was your skin
So close that we smile, and kiss, and smile, and kiss...

...And I woke up with sweat on my skin
and a tremble in my spirit.
Reluctantly knowing that it was too perfect for reality.

You are gone and never were.
Today is ruined without you to wake up to.

Time does not heal, only tears do.
I lay awake and think of you,
too prideful to break down or cry.
A rip in my bones too deep to die.

I meander the Earth with heavy eyes
(you do not let me sleep much)
My body could collapse at any moment
(you've made the days heavy as heavy)
Food and wine taste of dust
and I do not love but lust.

All of this is due
to living a life with you...
And time does not heal only tears do
but I will never cry for you.

I will live a life of misery if it means you don't get the satisfaction
of my sadness.

athought interrupted is lost
ohwell it lacked anything compelling
anyways.

but it's them not us
andusnotwe
and him not i

but it's summer not spring
and the earth is too
hot
because too many tears
and too many screams
heat the earthforwhat it is and notwhat we need it to be

The leaves are falling but no one is outside.
The roots are withering but no one is underground.
That man is crying but his smile hides the tears.

My world is asleep tonight,
all the people and things
that make me feel horrible have fallen asleep.

I guess it's up to me
to do their job,
until they wake up.

Recovering from exhaustion only available
after nights and nights (and nights) of dreamless sleep
and sleepless dreams and mourning pillows that hold
more tears than we'd like to admit. Recovering from night terrors
only possible after decades of shameless meandering along
a rocky shore of somniferous hyperactivity.
Hide your fires no light will find you here.

Wake up, feel the sweat drip from your brow:
your heart is racing and you've no clue why.

Life is burden when sleep is terror.

i could not speak and i could not feel
and i saw your eyes among the stars but it hardly
seemed appropriate to nod and I knew I had lost it
but what is life but losing it
i do not think that i want this but i am laughing
so I must but how can I discern between no

i do not sigh and i do not breathe but i can feel my
lungs rattling do you know do you know maybe but it is
of no concern i do not care to

i do not expect to remember this how can i do not
have fear you are smiling guide me scorpius guide me
i do not expect much i just need to stop falling
upwards

these steps take themselves i stand still
and the streetlights slowly pass me

I am well aware that my lines lack an audience,
that the words of others are more beautiful
eloquent, passionate?
than mine: I have accepted that.

It is within my capacity to write about how
lost love, flowers, sunsets and cigarettes
evoke deep emotions within me.
I can write
that Great God will guide me through darkness
and I will find happiness in the end.
I can do that. More people would read that.
Perhaps I could get an audience
that way.

I'll keep my ambiguity
And I'll keep my countenance.

Disregard these words (as I know you will)

No one hears the cry of beating hearts,
No one sees the nightmourner,
desolate and quiet in its misery.
I have not read a poem written by a Shadow,
I know that they haunt us all the same.

Do not read these words I fear you'll read more.