I don't feel alive anymore.
It's like i'm slowly losing touch in my feelings, i'm getting more and more paraniod.
Any moment can be the moment i'll be gone forever.
But right at that moment..

Reality kicks in like a drug, i don't feel myself anymore..
I'm desperate to feel something, no matter if it's pain, sadness or happiness.

I feel like i'll never be able to feel TRUE happieness.
I don't deserve it, there are so many people who work so hard just to make others happy.

But i'm not able to...All i do is for the wrong reasons, i'm ashamed of myself, I keep draging everyone down with me.
They work so hard for all they have, and i can't even drop my mask.
Like i've glued the mask of being strong and not really caring. The truth?..I'm terrified.
I can't let myself risk getting hurt again..

I pretend to be happy, but i can't see the point.

''You should always try to sound 'nice'! even if your in a bad mood'', but in my head it sound more like:
''You should have a 'nice', 'comforting' tone in your voice, it doesn't matter if your happy or not! if your not happy natuarly...you can act like you are.''
It's not that i can't pretend, i just don't see the point in telling myself i'm happy when i know deep inside that i'm not.

It's not that i'm lazy and want to sleep, i just can't seem to find a good reason to wake up at all.
What's the point? I'm lost, but i don't want to be found. I just want to dissapear, maybe then...people can actually hear the words i'm saying..