Is what you love still there?
Is the old passion still alit?
Is everything still within arms reach?

Or?

Is it the days that pass by?
Days turning into months into a dystopian blur
Is conformity now your daily drug?
Of something you once had…

Tick…
Tick..
Tick.

I’m quiet.
Timid.
Scared.
Reserved.

Everything is based on an act of intention
And confidence…

And I make the first move
It’s to establish fresh neurons and connectivity
As one another
And one alike

My confidence doesn’t evolve
To reach this triumph
I’m weak and unskilled to innate
It hurts when l hurt.
It’s an issue only l can resolve.

Im heart broken
A new feeling, it hurts
Minutes, felt like hours
A quenchable energy l craved

Maybe it’s the alcohol talking
Or it’s the bodies together
It’s a club lol
It is what it is.

Insanity ?
Delusional ?
A lack of social understanding ?
Maybe it’s everything,
But what l felt was raw.

Whoever you are.
Thank you.

I guess it’s the late nights and burnout
That loved faded… quickly turned out
You were next to me, it hurts now

What was there, is a figment of what’s to come
An image I miss, because of ignorance and some
My arm to twist thereof distance twas done

I left things take over
I sold my soul for a price,
I loved and needed you
I was drugged a puppet
A devious, manipulant delight

How did you two meet?

Their pupils start to dilate

"It was a warm summers day, we were only 16. I couldn't imagine the rest of my life was a single person away"..

It's been forever since then, as my love continues to grow.

Now?

Its a muttered undertone;

"Yeah, we met on a dating app. It's just the luck of the cards".

Things evolve and change...
But at what cost are we losing ourselves to ourselves

We aren't as we are,
"I missed who you used to be"
I was never me until you loved me less
Until you began to know me more.

I knew l began to like you
When l do my homework at school
So I’d have more time to talk to you in the evenings

I don’t really know who l am
I have a vague of idea of what I’d like
The wealth, the self-image
The encapsulation of life.  

Achieve what you desire
Yet again, l don’t know where to aspire
What industry, what plans,
What’s to do?

Take action and see where it leads you
That’s where it should start,
Maybe I’m just overthinking?
Probably lol.

I’m tired..
I’m sore,
I’m lonely..
You’re not here.
I miss you.

You love me for who l am
My faults, flaws, insecurities
But I can’t love myself
The absolute tyrant of observations

Brutally honest of what is, is.
You ignore such, you persist
My walls slightly break
But never enough to sustain vulnerability

A false duality
Someone you think you know
And the image of what reality is
Absolute isn’t here and neither am l
Nice try, try again.

I’m so used to the “day to day”,
Not much brings back the light
Of..

Freedom
Emotion
Spontaneity
Sporadic Decisions

I’ve grown older not to live
But to fill time with responsibility.
I miss being younger
Being younger wouldn’t love this.

I’m really at war with myself
I don’t like who l am,
Nor do l like where l am
I’m responsible for my actions

Self aware enough to know
But delusional to think it’s bad
The consequences might shift me
Maybe it’s the only price worth paying

To know that I’m digging a hole
And to lose everything
Only to gain what l originally knew
I’m playing god with god

You aren’t you,
You will never be you until you lose you.

I don’t believe that people with common interests are really alike
For the “just sake” of an interest you two are destined
Some will say don’t be foolish and tarnish the parade
But you know well enough that’s it’s the lust that burns that bridge
For the sake of argument and honesty
Let’s call a sappy truce,
One that ignores our morals
And leaves things to rest

He won’t love you I would
The only reflection is me in is cornea
You know what you see,

Not in him, but in me
It’s not the way it used to be
But that’s how we live

There’s hurt still left in your voice
That time couldn’t heal
Because it’s the first and last
It was love other lust
It was genuine.
It was us.