I’m so used to the “day to day”,
Not much brings back the light
Of..

Freedom
Emotion
Spontaneity
Sporadic Decisions

I’ve grown older not to live
But to fill time with responsibility.
I miss being younger
Being younger wouldn’t love this.

I’m tired..
I’m sore,
I’m lonely..
You’re not here.
I miss you.

Once blossoms,
And grows.
That’s new to show.
That’s left behind,
Is a shadow of memories
Only for the fated know.

I knew l began to like you
When l do my homework at school
So I’d have more time to talk to you in the evenings

I’m quiet.
Timid.
Scared.
Reserved.

Everything is based on an act of intention
And confidence…

And I make the first move
It’s to establish fresh neurons and connectivity
As one another
And one alike

My confidence doesn’t evolve
To reach this triumph
I’m weak and unskilled to innate
It hurts when l hurt.
It’s an issue only l can resolve.

Is what you love still there?
Is the old passion still alit?
Is everything still within arms reach?

Or?

Is it the days that pass by?
Days turning into months into a dystopian blur
Is conformity now your daily drug?
Of something you once had…

Tick…
Tick..
Tick.

I'm too emotional
Good luck to my future wives
And their future lives without me
You guys will do great!
I'm sure that I've prepared you for every guy you'll date
And every guy you'll marry
And every guy you'll hate

Riddle me this
Riddle me that
I want to commit suicide
As a matter of fact
Do you have the remedy for that?

Please open up
I wanna be loved
Whatever it is
I promise it's enough

She's used me more than once before
I can't trust her she ignores my calls
She abuses me till l fall
The tears rush out furthermore
I can't do this anymore

Taking drugs like it ***** with my brain
Love is such a dangerous game
I wish you never took my name
My life will never be the same

You controlled my life endlessly
Blood and pain were your remedy
The rule of evil in entity
This was the devil sent to me

Hmmm, l don't need you
Through pain and blood
You wrecked my heart
I'm so done through

I cry in the rain
I cry underwater
I cry in the shower
So everyone sees me happy
No just a spineless coward

Sometimes l bow my head
and ask "What more could l do?"
What more could make me happier
Instead my feed my thoughts with lies
With a fake sense of pride
It unleashes my anger

I'm sad and depressed
My life is a mess
My thoughts are scattered
My vision is stressed
My limit is reached
Will l pass this test ?

She told me i'm not worth her time
She stole my heart, a ***** crime
Only left of memories when you were mine
Now it's gone, l press rewind

It hurts cause l need you
Hands in mine, made us two
What we had, l wish we grew
Cause you broke hearts, l wish l knew

You don't see my pain
You don't see my scars
You can't feel what l feel
When you're mentally
stuck behind bars

You broke my heart
Did you break it
Just so you could hurt me more?

Why hate
When you can love

No-one can save you
You can only save yourself
You're one of one
Remind yourself

If you leave me;
You won't see me again

Each time l think of you
I write your name down
Its annoying to hear the pen sound
When you're all l think about

Books filled with your name
When you're not around
It's not the same
My minds trickery
Playing a game

One day you'll come back
So l can stop writing
And love you in my sight
So l can stop dreaming
And crying myself to sleep
at night...

I look in the mirror
I'm not who l am
Nor who l want to be
No motivation, No energy
Tempted by the message
Of ending it all, blood in my eulogy

Shoot your shot they say
Shoot them l did
I killed three people that day
A mother and a kid
The other was myself
In the head on seventh and first
I'm patriotic, l plead the fifth

Rinse and repeat
My love is gone
Gone, defeat

I'm not enough
Enough that i'll ever be
When will you see
I'm not a puppet
To your plan of mastery

You're a stranger
Who are you
Trust you? I haven't a clue
I think l once knew you
In a lifetime where l knew
That maybe l did love you

You say you love me
I say it back
You want me dead
With an open wound in my back

Smile and wave
Deep down you need to be saved
That's not societies game
When you're dead in your grave

Life has ups and downs
Smiles and frowns
Depression and six rounds
I'll smile in the mirror
As the gun sounds

Love me  
Hold me
Hear my heart beat
Play with my hair

I'm stuck in my imagination
I can only imagine you
But you don't know me yet

You're the one l thought l could trust
You make me feel so....

Undeserving  
Sexually Objectified
Entitled to Everything you Please
Lied Too
Every Second Wasted
Sabotaged
Single

Why did l trust you
I gave you soul
MY LIVING BEING

But now its thrown away
My lifeless body being apart of that
Now it hurts to breathe
To speak
To mouth the words "I'm Okay"
I'm not aloud too
I'm weak

You killed someone that warm afternoon
My shadow killed itself, hoping l would follow
I'm on the rocks of despair
On the cliff, barely supporting my weight
You'll get your karma one day
I just guess my life wasn't worth the wait

I don't think l can trust you no more
Especially when you call me baby
Not when you text me
I been feeling in contention lately
Just hoping someone could save me

"Do you love him?
He's not for you
He doesn't love you like l do
Notice me like l notice you"

Love isn't forever
You're someone i'll remember
Even if we're not together
You'll have a piece of me wherever

Maybe she was the soul one l needed
Maybe l shouldn't have left that day
As the memories come back l start
I start to feel the lust from her lips again
It's as l was leftover...

“i love you” is a lie
“promises” you always break
maybe one day you’ll relate

You had my heart one day
The day l let my barriers down
The second l let you in
You relinquished your hidden talent

The talent to ruin lives
To ruin my well-being
For depression to take action
Realizing all this after?
"Maybe just a late reaction"

I still feel your hands on me
Invisible shadows of thoughts to come
Ripping my heart out and treading on so
It's the feeling that takes the breath away
"But......., why are you so Heartless?"

Fathoming that l found her
The words said left me in awe
Beautiful sculpt, built for me
I found her and shes waiting for me

I don't know why l'm here
It's as l have all the questions for secrets unknown
Is it my conquest to figure out my destined path
I don't know why l'm here.

I've wasted it all
Nothing to spare besides these memories
Happy ones are the rarest to spare the least
All l see now is the down-spiral of despair

It's been months since I've been happy
The curvature beginning to unfold
Then abruptly coming to a halt
I wish l could say why it occurred..

I've received limited time
Only to do nothing with it
To change myself to become happy
But only to waste it and be neutral

It'll be fixed one day
But today is the day l reminisce
On the ways I've wasted my time
"Cheers", to the singular thing l wish to have more of.

Her emerald forest green eyes
The joyous smile l see in the reflection
She's the reason why l smile
And how l keep motivated everyday

I love her so much
l'll be seeing her soon <3