I don’t really know who l am
I have a vague of idea of what I’d like
The wealth, the self-image
The encapsulation of life.  

Achieve what you desire
Yet again, l don’t know where to aspire
What industry, what plans,
What’s to do?

Take action and see where it leads you
That’s where it should start,
Maybe I’m just overthinking?
Probably lol.

How did you two meet?

Their pupils start to dilate

"It was a warm summers day, we were only 16. I couldn't imagine the rest of my life was a single person away"..

It's been forever since then, as my love continues to grow.

Now?

Its a muttered undertone;

"Yeah, we met on a dating app. It's just the luck of the cards".

Things evolve and change...
But at what cost are we losing ourselves to ourselves

We aren't as we are,
"I missed who you used to be"
I was never me until you loved me less
Until you began to know me more.

It’s probably the way she looks up at you;

The way she,

Holds your hand
Squeezes your arm
Wants to hear your voice

I could be wrong
But
What’s love?

Im heart broken
A new feeling, it hurts
Minutes, felt like hours
A quenchable energy l craved

Maybe it’s the alcohol talking
Or it’s the bodies together
It’s a club lol
It is what it is.

Insanity ?
Delusional ?
A lack of social understanding ?
Maybe it’s everything,
But what l felt was raw.

Whoever you are.
Thank you.

You love me for who l am
My faults, flaws, insecurities
But I can’t love myself
The absolute tyrant of observations

Brutally honest of what is, is.
You ignore such, you persist
My walls slightly break
But never enough to sustain vulnerability

A false duality
Someone you think you know
And the image of what reality is
Absolute isn’t here and neither am l
Nice try, try again.

I guess it’s the late nights and burnout
That loved faded… quickly turned out
You were next to me, it hurts now

What was there, is a figment of what’s to come
An image I miss, because of ignorance and some
My arm to twist thereof distance twas done

I left things take over
I sold my soul for a price,
I loved and needed you
I was drugged a puppet
A devious, manipulant delight

I’m so used to the “day to day”,
Not much brings back the light
Of..

Freedom
Emotion
Spontaneity
Sporadic Decisions

I’ve grown older not to live
But to fill time with responsibility.
I miss being younger
Being younger wouldn’t love this.

I’m tired..
I’m sore,
I’m lonely..
You’re not here.
I miss you.

Once blossoms,
And grows.
That’s new to show.
That’s left behind,
Is a shadow of memories
Only for the fated know.

I knew l began to like you
When l do my homework at school
So I’d have more time to talk to you in the evenings

I’m quiet.
Timid.
Scared.
Reserved.

Everything is based on an act of intention
And confidence…

And I make the first move
It’s to establish fresh neurons and connectivity
As one another
And one alike

My confidence doesn’t evolve
To reach this triumph
I’m weak and unskilled to innate
It hurts when l hurt.
It’s an issue only l can resolve.

Is what you love still there?
Is the old passion still alit?
Is everything still within arms reach?

Or?

Is it the days that pass by?
Days turning into months into a dystopian blur
Is conformity now your daily drug?
Of something you once had…

Tick…
Tick..
Tick.

I'm too emotional
Good luck to my future wives
And their future lives without me
You guys will do great!
I'm sure that I've prepared you for every guy you'll date
And every guy you'll marry
And every guy you'll hate

Riddle me this
Riddle me that
I want to commit suicide
As a matter of fact
Do you have the remedy for that?

Please open up
I wanna be loved
Whatever it is
I promise it's enough

She's used me more than once before
I can't trust her she ignores my calls
She abuses me till l fall
The tears rush out furthermore
I can't do this anymore

Taking drugs like it ***** with my brain
Love is such a dangerous game
I wish you never took my name
My life will never be the same

You controlled my life endlessly
Blood and pain were your remedy
The rule of evil in entity
This was the devil sent to me

Hmmm, l don't need you
Through pain and blood
You wrecked my heart
I'm so done through

I cry in the rain
I cry underwater
I cry in the shower
So everyone sees me happy
No just a spineless coward

Sometimes l bow my head
and ask "What more could l do?"
What more could make me happier
Instead my feed my thoughts with lies
With a fake sense of pride
It unleashes my anger

I'm sad and depressed
My life is a mess
My thoughts are scattered
My vision is stressed
My limit is reached
Will l pass this test ?

She told me i'm not worth her time
She stole my heart, a ***** crime
Only left of memories when you were mine
Now it's gone, l press rewind

It hurts cause l need you
Hands in mine, made us two
What we had, l wish we grew
Cause you broke hearts, l wish l knew

You don't see my pain
You don't see my scars
You can't feel what l feel
When you're mentally
stuck behind bars

You broke my heart
Did you break it
Just so you could hurt me more?

Why hate
When you can love

No-one can save you
You can only save yourself
You're one of one
Remind yourself

If you leave me;
You won't see me again

Each time l think of you
I write your name down
Its annoying to hear the pen sound
When you're all l think about

Books filled with your name
When you're not around
It's not the same
My minds trickery
Playing a game

One day you'll come back
So l can stop writing
And love you in my sight
So l can stop dreaming
And crying myself to sleep
at night...

I look in the mirror
I'm not who l am
Nor who l want to be
No motivation, No energy
Tempted by the message
Of ending it all, blood in my eulogy

Shoot your shot they say
Shoot them l did
I killed three people that day
A mother and a kid
The other was myself
In the head on seventh and first
I'm patriotic, l plead the fifth

Rinse and repeat
My love is gone
Gone, defeat

I'm not enough
Enough that i'll ever be
When will you see
I'm not a puppet
To your plan of mastery

You're a stranger
Who are you
Trust you? I haven't a clue
I think l once knew you
In a lifetime where l knew
That maybe l did love you

You say you love me
I say it back
You want me dead
With an open wound in my back

Smile and wave
Deep down you need to be saved
That's not societies game
When you're dead in your grave

Life has ups and downs
Smiles and frowns
Depression and six rounds
I'll smile in the mirror
As the gun sounds

Love me  
Hold me
Hear my heart beat
Play with my hair

I'm stuck in my imagination
I can only imagine you
But you don't know me yet

You're the one l thought l could trust
You make me feel so....

Undeserving  
Sexually Objectified
Entitled to Everything you Please
Lied Too
Every Second Wasted
Sabotaged
Single

Why did l trust you
I gave you soul
MY LIVING BEING

But now its thrown away
My lifeless body being apart of that
Now it hurts to breathe
To speak
To mouth the words "I'm Okay"
I'm not aloud too
I'm weak

You killed someone that warm afternoon
My shadow killed itself, hoping l would follow
I'm on the rocks of despair
On the cliff, barely supporting my weight
You'll get your karma one day
I just guess my life wasn't worth the wait

I don't think l can trust you no more
Especially when you call me baby
Not when you text me
I been feeling in contention lately
Just hoping someone could save me

"Do you love him?
He's not for you
He doesn't love you like l do
Notice me like l notice you"

Love isn't forever
You're someone i'll remember
Even if we're not together
You'll have a piece of me wherever

Maybe she was the soul one l needed
Maybe l shouldn't have left that day
As the memories come back l start
I start to feel the lust from her lips again
It's as l was leftover...