Seeking

Lost, found, lost again
Searching, wondering when

Destiny has its plan for me
I certainly can’t imagine what it will be

Hopeful at times, destitute as well
My path leads nowhere I can tell

Yet to carry on and do what’s required
Makes me less and less, inspired

A journey awaits, that I am certain
And all will see what’s behind the “curtain”

A man that cares, cries and try’s
I don’t want to wait until it’s “goodbyes”

Calendar

So the year changes and we’re supposed to change as well
I am not certain if that is truth or a spell

Life is what it is, turning a page is a metaphor for change
Yet most of us continue the path, it’s all arranged

New year new me, not, awake and see clear
It’s simply a new year  

A calendar page that lets you know you’ve aged
Grown or not, new year is a figment of imagination, how does one gage

I like to think of life in stages
Hopefully the upcoming year will have you engage

Interact, be present and show you care
Happy life, happy friends and happy new year

Drifting and drifting so far offshore
My being is solo, empty to my core
Why now, why, is this all there is I see
Please tell me, please convince me, who am I to be
If not, I chose to leave you here
And search and seek for what I hold dear
I may be gone, it’s past your time
Yet if we have shared, you will always be mine

I spend a lot of time inside my head
Makes it difficult, sometimes impossible to go to bed

I fear I have made many mistakes
I review, redo, and I contemplate

What did I do to end up here?
But realize soon after, it has been simply fear

Fear to change, fear to move on, fear to commit
At times I think I am an idiot

However, when the night is done
I look in the mirror and realize I have won

Won, a winner, whatever because I have been true
true to what life is about, and realize there is always something new

New friends, new experiences, new opportunities
And in the end, we leave behind, simply a legacy

It’s a bit tangled the lives we lead
We try to balance, try to appease everyone’s needs
Yet it’s not enough at times and expectations are not met
Leaving a path of disappointment and some are upset

We can only satisfy the needs of one
Be honest , be real, and it’s done
Stay true to who you are and dance to the drummer that you feel
Everyone respects those who are real

Enjoy the time because it is fleeting and there are no guarantees
Don’t pretend, don’t fake it, stay the course, navigate the angry sea’s

When all is done what matters is who you have impacted
Don’t placate, don’t settle, maintain and don’t be reactive
Life will always sneak up and challenge our fortitude
Be you, no apologies, get after it, and sustain a confident attitude

Strange as it seems
We all have dreams

It’s time

Difficult life can be, decisions, choices who does it serve

Often mistakenly, selfish I am called

Despite my heart, my love, I simply observe

So I have built a wall

A wall that keeps me safe, content but ultimately alone

I trust those close yet sometimes expectations arise

Pulling me, to a place unknown

Just living and trying to satisfy others, that is my prize

The next chapter the next life I hope to do better

There is another chance? There is more

I sit, ponder, should I send a letter

The world spins, circles the sun, I continue to be unsure

Unsure
Unsure
Wondering
Wandering

Now what?

Paths
Worn. Well traveled. Not one I seek
My choice, my life I want to breathe
At times it’s not for the meek
Strength and courage it takes, and never leave

Don’t leave your choices don’t leave your past
Carry on, sustain and maintain
Enjoy your days, as they grow shorter, time moves fast
In the end there will be no one to blame

We all have a path, it comes from within
Be smart, be thoughtful, forge ahead
Spend your time enjoying and laughing
Walk the path and don’t look back and wonder “instead”

Instead of this or that
No going back
See life see friends,
family intact
Certainly all that matters
Ends

Unsettled

So strange the roads we choose
The journey’s we embark
We hope we pray, that we don’t lose
Lose our way, our sight, it can be dark

Troubled is a state I live
Guessing, wandering, why
Just trying to love, to give
I hope I make an impact before I die

Never have I been one to hide
My world, my feelings are there to be seen
Wishing I had someone to confide
Life it seems has some irony, I ponder my dream

Troubled times are surely ahead
Like a boat captain, quarterback you expect it prepare, accept challenges
Yet those times allow you to enjoy the peace, and not be misled
It’s alway a struggle no matter your station in life, it all balances

Enjoy the good times, take every moment, savor, certainly it could be your last
Forever be true, honest and develop relationships that endure
Moment to moment things could end, cultivate, maintain, stay steadfast

Time ticks away, we often let minor disputes cloud our path
Friends for years should never end over a trivial matter
Regret will take over, longing to repair, you’ll be left with only the aftermath
So reach out, compromise or everything will be left in tatters

True friends never separate
True friends never separate

Repair what you’ve lost or let go
Honestly, relationships, friends, their the ones that truly know

Awhile

So life it seems never pans out
Expectations fall short and there is doubt
What to do, decisions appear, what now
Be thankful they say, but thankful for what, how

How does one move on from the past
Find something true and that will last
Never worthy of love that is me
I haven’t ever been truly able to see

See the things that matter most
Afflicted with a state, unable to sustain, not yet diagnosed
With a yearning to find a quality life
I stay mired, stay solo, wallowing in strife

I could change it, I could learn
Yet I have a pain that still burns
Unknowingly I travel the roads, looking for something I do not know
Someday, yeah someday, I am hopeful, my destiny will show

Time has been wasted, I feel ashamed
I kept you close and it was me I blamed
Blamed myself for not giving more
Blamed myself for being unavailable and more
Our distance grew over many years
I should have left sooner and shed some tears
How ironic it is that I was so self absorbed
It was your distance and lack of interest I should have observed
It makes sense now the inability to repair
You had a long term plan that you were unable to share
Pretending day by day to be on my side
But preparing for another, that you continue to hide
Simply sad is all I can say
Cloaking us as friends was part of your play
Good luck with your life I wish you the best
It’s time to stop deceiving give it a rest
She’s so sweet the people say
So sweet so sweet, go away

So strange how fast the time goes
how quick you move from wiping noses
How quick you’re now faced with, a young adult, insides battling,
It opposes

Keep them safe, make a better place
First days of school, an event, a milestone
Dismissed by the child, they crave to explore, be them and alone
Moving through this life has changed over time, more them than us
I realize you have to let go, and adjust
Go forward, seek and yearn
Every parent wants their children to learn
Know that wherever you may be and the choices you’ve made
Parents have been through it, it’s a road already paved
Reach out and know you are loved, and cared for
Because we actually know what’s in store
Family and friends provide a strength for you to succeed
Remember my children your Dad is here if your ever in need

Reflection

Deep in thought, seeking some clarity
What the hell is wrong with me

I have the best of friends, family that loves
Yet, happiness eludes, what becomes

Destined to watch and wait
I believe happiness is too late

Too late for me, my window has closed
Will just enjoy those that I know

Sip wine, tell tales of a life I once had
But honestly I remember and I am not sad

Given a good life I made my mistakes
Mistakes, choices, I am awake

Own your past, your present and future

Own it
See it  
Move on

Pain

Sometimes embrace the pain, just as some endure the rain

We all seek comfort and content
Yet troubles present and they never relent

Hold close the times of no despair
They’re sure to go, pain will return, who will care

Your choices in times of trouble, shape you, and reveal
Reveal you truth, your soul, how you truly feel

Don’t run from the pain, or the rain
Sunny days are sure to show
No need for talk or to explain
Those who value you instinctively know

Know who you are, where you have come from
Pain is needed to embrace the fun

Pain is a healer
Comfort is a stealer
A
Stealer of souls
Pain is a remedy as you grow old

Obligation

So difficult to live a double life, and never truly exonerate the past
So many things I have missed and so many things I’ve gained
Yet it haunts me, and at times I am ashamed
Not able to truly commit to a life
Simply put… it has caused me strife
Choices made with one foot in
Realizing the struggle within
Unable to give to the people that have loved me
My world, a work in progress, yet I cannot see
See that I have let so many down
My inability to trust, my temporary nature, a detriment, I may as well drown
Knowing the cause offers no relief
It simply and succinctly creates a path of grief
I promise there will be a time I make amends
I hope in the end, those I have “infected” we can be friends

It’s not often you can be amongst the best

Spending time with friends and meeting others

We often don’t realize we are blessed

Blessed to have people who have your back, these guys are my brothers

Brothers I care for, and will keep them close

Family first, and adding new people in

I have a great crew, and it’s a win

No matter what transpires and where it ends

These people, my gal, and my friends  

Days of laughter and fun times are the best

I hope we all have enjoyed, laughed, cried, and expressed

Days like this are to savor

Remember,
Remember,

Don’t fake, be real

Love, embrace, it’s ideal…

It’s a struggle at times, no manual to give guidance
Kids, moving on, showing independence and defiance
Been there myself, understand completely
Yet watching it unfold, realizing full circle, so overwhelming and there is uncertainty
As life changes and the people in my life go, some stay
I just try to be present,  aware, show no dismay
Our challenges never relent, never rest
All we can do is exist and provide our best
Life moves fast, and the ever changing world makes no sense
Yet in the end, you stay focused and provide defense
No end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel
Just be true, honest and truly it is a struggle

Life, difficult at times
Most of my poems rhyme

Today a little off track
Thinking, a crossroad ahead
Know I have friends that have my back
Yet, some things are difficult, can’t believe all that is said

I need to do what’s right, but so many choices, so much to ascertain
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
A poem, one kept within, one I always entertain
Stuck, thinking, contemplating, go, stay, I could

I could, can make my way
Yet tomorrow is a new day

Not figuring it all out right now or maybe never
Life, relationships, friends I am lucky to have many forever

Listening to those that support and care
Those are the friends I endear
Hold them as family, since I am away
Thinking of Someday

Someday, Someday… probably never occurs
But my today’s are often great, that is for sure

Failed

It’s difficult to realize that you may have let you child down
Life moves, we have a perspective that we build up
How couldn’t I have known, why didn’t I see, I was around
It’s very tough

I wanted to be an excellent parent but I somewhat failed
Failed to adapt, failed to learn
Time to move on and try to prevail
Show I can do better, time to turn

Turn, yeah… change a few things and hope our future improves
Time… time… sands falling, got to see clear
Time to change, make some moves
My children, they don’t know how much I need them near

Not near as in living , near as in life
Failing them is failing me
I have lived, I have advice
Experience, journey’s, I just want them to see

See a man, a father they can trust
That is a must

It’s difficult to think of all we shared
A future lies a head and I am scared
Scared to walk without you near
Knowing we made a sensuous pair
Things didn’t go as planned
Drifting apart like a ship unmanned
Pain fills my soul thinking of you with another
But keeping you would continue make it hard to recover
Recover the person that I truly see
Alone,searching so I soon will be

Michael, yeah Michael

That is me

True that tomorrow’s are not a “for sure”

Often we wait for something more

More never comes and we are often lost

Lost because the waiting came with a cost

A cost of time, memories and connections

Pause for a moment... take time for reflection

Do it now... or later will be too late

Just be you, choose and discover your fate

It’s interesting the paths we take
The people we meet the relationships we make
You inspired me to think and write
Giving me hope... despite
Despite my doubts and fears
I feel alive, more alive in years
You shared your love for poems
Now I seek and think, my heart again roams

Because of you