I used to draw on my arm all the time
Nothing big or elaborate
Just a triangle
One triangle
Then I wouldn’t hear the end of it
Everyone complaining
Ink poisoning
Future punk
What’s next, a motorcycle?
So I stopped
I stopped drawing that little triangle on my wrist
Right above my pulse point
But with it
I
Stopped
L I v I n g.
A triangle was supposed to be the strongest shape
It was supposed to make me strong
But I wasn’t even strong enough
To let it stay

do you ever feel like a fly on the wall?
even in your own story
like everything is happening
and you're just
t h  e   r    e
watching it all go like a movie
then before you know it
you’re old
gray
shriveled
and you
            did
                 NOTHING
you
     were
            just
                 THERE
why?
why let others live your life?
is it because you don’t think you deserve it?
think its worth it?
think YOU’RE worth it?
who are YOU to decide your worth?
you have a
                  beating
                              heart
                 a
                  breathing
                                 lung
                 a
                  feeling
                             touch
you are ALIVE
you dont GET to decide otherwise
you WILL live
because you ARE alive

you cried and cried and thought nobody cared
you think you’ve stopped trying
but
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
                                                      you haven’t
they ripped at your seams
singed your soul
and you thought it was natural
its not
its not natural to hate
yes there may be shadows lurking in this deep dark world
but thats because you have a light
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
the monsters are selfish creatures
they only lift you to the light to dim your fight
to make you give up
because even they know that on the other side where the monsters cant roam
there isnt a single sliver of darkness

you think we all see what you see
but we cant
you see yourself through a hall of broken mirrors
what WE see is beauty
we see survival
we see a soul full of life
one that has it locked away deep inside
but not deep enough
because
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
we all have secrets
they never need to be said
dont force it
scream
but dont hate yourself
from all ive seen
its impossible
when you stare into shattered glass
you see all of you
you’re the stunning reflection
not the jagged edges
those edges were what cut you in the first place
and that, you will never be
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
you dont need a happy strategy
you dont need to cry in the dark
the dark doesnt deserve your tears
nor the earth your effort in a smile

you may not see it but there is everything to live for
live for YOUR smile
you think they’ve taken it
but thats one of the things you dont get to give away
it stays with you
they WANT your tears
so give them your smiles [they hate them]

YOU are the only one that wants it
people care [but for some reason you cant see it]

you dont have to smile when they do
you aren’t a mirror
you are a PERSON

SPEAK all you want
im listening
HURT could never come again if you didnt CARE
who CARES if they dont CARE
they
can
go
to
h e  l   l

you                 |          dont
are                   |         put
not                   |        yourself
broken             |        so low

he left out the sunshine because you found a way to make your own
he didnt brush away the storm clouds because he knew you could tame the lightning
you werent finnished halfway
you were his greatest masterpiece

no one can ruin you
cant you see the point
only you can let them do it
only you can leave them behind
dont look back
dont beg
its what they want
its a twisted high they love
they love to play perfect family
picture perfect expensive things
they love it when you say nothing
thats when theyre safe
never say nothing
let people know
i know we think its rare but there are so many with a heart of gold
dont plaster on a smile
let the angels see your tears
though angels and demons wear the same masks
not all that wear a mask are evil
dont take the easy road
take the narrow path
take the high road
it makes you better
than the monsters that lurk
the ones who say you dont matter
the ones who say your feelings arent real
you are a genius
worthy
deserving
beautiful
if you will belive them
then give me that courtesy too
belive me

the chains you think surround you are made of glass
one yank and they’ll be gone
the ones around your soul tighten with your tears and loosen with a true smile
the fist feeds on salty tears
dont let it clamp down on your heart any tighter

if i had one minute
id give it to you
but you dont need the minute
im sure they loved you
the picture frame may be broken but the people inside stay the same

that stupid black truck with silver accents is a ghost
one you can walk through
it cant touch you anymore
and you will never shed another tear for it

though your fingers tremble
it shows there is blood in your veins
pumping faster than ever
you want to survive
your soul just hasent realize it yet

punch it all into your skin
the mediocre middle
and crisis averting end
but dont cover up your scars
let them be the rough beginning
let yourself
laugh
love
learn
everyday
let it be the bad days you write about
not the good ones
let the good ones be the normal
the ones where you see green eyes
pink noses
and silky black tails

BE a people pleaser
make others happy in places where you couldnt be
but you can BE a people pleaser without letting them take advantage
besides if they hurt you
why would you want to be on that bandwagon

grow
out
your
nails
and NEVER let them scream at you
NEVER let them see you bleed
NEVER let them break you
NEVER stop gluing the pieces back together
those pieces were forged in titanium
thats why they can only fracture
you’re
too
strong
too stong to continue the cycle
the fear of it bleeds through your words
thats how i know you wont
you’re too scared of it

you are:
beautiful
              belive me
                             your soul is
worth it ALL
                     belive me
                                     all the gold in the world                                                      
seen
­      belive me
                     because, because of you i feel seen too
perfect
           belive me
                           and not despite your flaws
                           but because of them

put down the smoke
it makes your lungs as black as their hearts
put down her bony wrists
everyone is perfect in their own perfect way
why go through life thinking
it could be worse?
thats the manipulation talking
its all a step bellow the barrest of minimums
its diabolical

dont act
the world may not deserve it but it would love to see you
let the pain out but dont slice it open
coerce it out so it never returns
get closure

never try to fit a mold, lovely
someday youll be the color somebody needs to complete their painting

you never need to hide the scars
you never need to bleed
you can control how you deal
but please
never let yourself bleed
and let your inner voice shut the hell up
because only the bad ones leave
the good ones will stay until you push them away
to Lyle

I’m unremarkable
But I’m not stupid
I’m unknown
But not forgotten
I do so many bad things
But also good things
I never keep all my promises
But I keep most
I hope for better days
But I’m not crushed if my hopes don’t come true
I’m not good
But I’m not bad
I’m not generic
But I’m not unique
I’m not a genius
But I get good grades
I’m not beautiful
But I’m not ugly
Can you see where this is going
Can’t you see I have nowhere to belong
I’m not good enough to be the hero
But I’m not bad enough to be the villain
I belong nowhere
Nowhere to belong
Nowhere that owns me
Nowhere to confide in
Where does that put me
Huh
Where
            Do
                  I
                    Belong.

                           Did
                         I
                  Ever
        Belong
   To
                     Begin with?

Brown
Your eyes are beautiful
Somehow magical
They’re
Blue
Green
And all the colors combined
The best of all worlds

Hazel
Your eyes shine
A sea of caramel that glints in the light
Small nuggets of gold swim through them
Day and night

Grey
Your eyes are the strongest of steel
The color of old movies and graphite
The feeling of turning old pages in a book

Black
Your eyes are molten rock
The inside of angry
But the cozy of a warm cup
Your everything nobody wanted to be
So you became it for them
You are beautiful

Green
Your mother natures favorite color
Life
You’re alive
We can see it in your eyes
You’re favored in the flora

Blue
Your eyes are the white tipped ocean waves
The color of the sky and falling rain
You are the sea and the sky
Everywhere

But all these eyes hide something
Pain
Love
Hate
Feeling
All of them own a secret
Never the same
But all of them are beautiful
That will never change

‘I’m fine’
When did those words change meaning
When did they go from ‘I’m fine’;
To ‘help me’
To ‘I’m drowning’
To ‘I want you to know’
To ‘god I hope they can’t see it’
The tears we cry
Don’t always fall from our eyes
Sometimes they fall with those words;
                 I’m fine
                                 I’m fine
             I’m fine
                I’m fine
         Fine
                Fine
              Fine
         F I N E
            FINE
I’m fine_.
Each word is a scream
Each letter is a promise to stop hoping
Each time we hear it we don’t realize what it means
Its plain in front of you
We’re all drowning  
But some scream silently
With the words
I’m fine.

Life
Death
They’re about death
We say it’s a taboo subject but it’s almost all you ever hear
Life is just
There
The wingwoman at a bar
The third wheel that’s dying on the inside
That person in the middle of the class that’s not cool enough to sit in the back nor nerd enough to sit in the front
They’re
Just
There
Like life
You never notice them until
They’re gone
Then
They’re
The whispers in the hall
They’re the taboo subject
But they’re all everyone talks about now
You never notice them until
They’re gone

But there are those moments
When you look around and let yourself be amazed by that beam of sunlight shooting across the wood grain
When you breathe and feel the air filling your lungs and finally realize it for the miracle that it is
Realize that it was always meant to be there
When you finally see the spark you thought was gone in a strangers eyes
When you realize it’s not about the end
But how you reach it

Are you alive?
Don’t test your pulse
You know that’s not what I mean
A beating heart means nothing
When your head is grey
When your breath is short
When your lungs refuse to breathe
I don’t ask if your body’s alive
I ask if your mind is
Are your breaths long?
Do you enjoy the feel of them inflating?
Do you see it for the miracle it is?
You ARE alive
There ARE people who care
There IS someone who loves you
Who would become what you are now if you were gone
You wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone
So don’t just live for yourself
Live for the people who love you

My life is like a song
I’ve had more verses than I can remember
And the chorus drives me crazy from time to time
My life is like a song
I keep wondering when the bridge will come
And if the outro will follow soon after
Maybe I’ll get a chance at another verse
But maybe not
My life is like a song
The outro terrifies me
So does the bridge
For the bridge is the beginning of my end
Maybe it’ll be a nice change of pace
Maybe the bridge is years long and I have nothing to worry about
But maybe the bridge is a fleeting feeling
Two wandering gazes that meet in a crowd
A strangers hand brushing against another’s
A conversation that ends so quick when you wanted it to last forever
My life is like a song
I don’t know if you’ll be the bridge, the chorus, the outro or a verse
I can only hope that you’ll be one of them

never trust
never hope
never dream
never depend
never answer
never concede
these are the rules i abide
so i will
never get my trust broken
never be disapointed
never fail
never be unable
never be known
never be a push-over

To all girls that read
              How do you get over them?
              The perfect men in the pages
              The ones who know just what to say
              Not many will understand what I have   to           say right now
              But I just need to know
How do you get over the way they made you feel
The giggles
The laughter
The legs kicking in the air
How do you get over the fact
That they will
                       Never
                                Be






                            R   E     A        L

we all have that person
the one that helps you shine
the person who pays attention to you
but you always ask
who would pay attention to the moon?
thats what you are, arent you?
the person everyone is too busy for
in the shadow of the popular sun
so you cut ties
you hurt that person
the one that payed attention
the one that helped you shine
then you start to feel dull
its started to hurt worse than ever before
then you wonder
if they helped me shine, they must be the sun.
but no darling
they became that darkness around you
they made themselves dull
imperfect
dark
all to make YOU shine

I used to love the water
The way it glided between my fingers
The way the light bounced of the surface
I used to love the water
It’s beautiful ripples
It’s majestic tidal waves
I used
To love the water
Until it’s ripples surrounded me
Until it’s waves drowned me
I hate the water
The way you never know how deep you’ll fall if you jump
How a small wave in the distance grows to a tsunami
How you never know what it’ll take next
A slipper
A hat
A watch
All I know is I got two sets of identical purple pajamas
I never wanted them
All I know is I would give up all the purple pajamas in the world
To get back what I lost

She’s the shoulder for everyone to lean on
But god forbid she’d be the one leaning

breathe
do you feel your lungs expanding?
do you feel you chest rising?
open
open your eyes
do you see the sun?
the moon?
the stars?
the clouds?
all of them were made for you
you
wonderful
       beautiful
                lovely
                                ­           YOU
sincerely,
someone who cares

Sometimes we don’t realize it
But the hurt is there
It’s like the fire alarm you can’t turn off
You pull out the batteries but the beeping persists
You smash it against wall after wall
But it won’t end
You find the best way to cope is shoving it under your pillow
Though it’s heard the most when you try to sleep at night
At day
At noon
Every time you head hits the pillow the noise echos in your ear
Soon you forget about it
It’s faded into the background
But then
Someone tears the pillow to shreds
And you break

Think about it
Think about the waves that hit the shore
Then think about the ones that don’t
The ones that collapse before they reach the sand
The white tipped sea of icy fabric
It falls back into the ocean
It’s not special anymore
It’s not seen
And that hurts more than ever before
Because it used to be

Hear the wind that whispers in the night
Feel the rain wash away the memories of tonight
Never doubt you have a fire living inside
One that shines all throughout the night

Never doubt the love in your heart
It lives to fight the pain in every broken spark
Every step you take
It’s gonna help you find you way

Feel the way your eyes gaze the room
The way they sparkle at every moon
Feel the golden specks in your hazel eyes
I could go drifting through them every night

But never trust
Blindly
Never hope
Cause the hurt it causes
Hurts the worst

These are the words I say
To everyone who needs to hear it
Because I needed to hear it once
And never did