I loved you
But I never
Loved your actions
Your hate
Your hurt
I hate you
your ‘love’
I hate it
The way you say I’m your world
Then push me into the raging currents
Because you say it
I think you hate me
But it’s a lie
We’re in ‘love’
The way you think it’s love
I hate it
I hate you

They always tell me
Your mature for your age
Your an old soul
But though my skin grows
And it will wither
My soul is the same
I’m not a kid
I’m not a teen
I’m not an adult
I may seem mature now
But soon
I’ll be childish
When I’m older
You’ll ask why
Can’t
You
Grow
Up

you've changed
you’re different
different than you were in september
they didn’t like that
they like you when your pliable
when you’re scared
when you pretend
pretend that your not holding in the tears
they like you only when you hate yourself

you took a razor to your skin
just to feel again
you didnt care if it was
l
o
   v
     e
      h
     a
    t
e
P
  A
      I
        N
but its not just poetry that can save you
its YOURS
the poetry filled with
l
o
   v
     e
      h
     a
    t
e
a
  p
     a
        t
          h
             y
and care for others more than yourself
because you think that nothing matters
but its only because you think Y O U dont
you comfort others
you let them
s                    c
  c                    
    r        ­            r
      e              
        a                    y
          m
while you keep yours inside
you let your tears flood your heart
not your eyes
you rob your vocal chords of the right to scream aloud
and you wonder why they dont notice

you hate her
you love her
you understand her
then you don’t
you share so much with your dads dog
and share so little
you understand why she bites
you understand why she barks
you understand she is dangerous
and why?
because you GET it
you GET her
and thats why you cant be mad
how can you get mad when you see something similar in the mirror?
what he did brought you both to a fork in the road
she chose anger
but you still get to choose
chose to be more than a number
a possession
a piece of property
chose who you waste your time on wisely
you dont get too much
so you stand in the road
to tempt time
                       d
                         e
                           a
                             t
                               h
just to feel powerful
but you’ve had the power
all of it
for so long
yet you chose to give it away
to the people
who know how to abuse it the worst

dear seven year old you,
the monster in your head is YOU
you’ve always been the only one in there
the real monsters wear masks
one’s that make them look human
humane
they “care”
until they have what they want

dear seven year old you,
don’t show the monsters your tears
show them your smiles
show them your laughs
cry only to the angels
the ones that wipe your tears
not cause them

dear seven year old you,
stopwishingstartdoing
startdoingstopwishing

never say “I can’t”
say “I won’t”
you CAN do anything
you just don’t have to
that’s the ‘beauty’ of life
you think you’re in a cage of titanium
when its really just weak metalic plastic
life is complex
it may be cruel, but otherwise would there be anything good alive?
And can you even see the good anymore?
you’re numb
you dont feel
not even the rough caress of the meds between your fingers

you want the clouds to float you away
you want change
something different
so you come seconds away from screaming it to the sky
but you don’t just want your body to move
I can tell
your soul wants to

you thank the darkness
not knowing which one you thank
the dark companion
ally
or the demon
the one with shadows of red that glint from the edges of your vision
everytime it comes around

i can tell you like haikus
probably because sometimes the most complicated of emotions
only need those three lines

you do things for approval
from  o t h e r s
exitement
of  o t h e r s
why not for yourself?
do you approve?
are you proud of you accomplishments?
what extent would you go for yourself?
is it the same as the extent for others?

i s  i t?

if there are lies to smell
why are you there?
if there is anger to hear
why are you there?
if you are made to wonder your worth
why?
are?
you?
t  h   e     r        e?
?

you ask
“do you ever feel like a bug”
yes
The ants are killed
The butterflies worshipped
But even the butterflies were once caterpillars
And an ant can carry the weight of the world
You think you need an umbrella but you need to realize the water is shallow enough for you to stand
It’s not always raining
But you only pay attention when it is
You sky is trying to catch your
Attention
‘I’m here’
It’s there for the little girl in this confusing world
There for the girl out for her own blood
There for when she cries
It’s smiling as she dances through the night
And it hands her the stars
One
By
One
It’s healing her clipped wings
Raising her to the sky
And letting her go
Wondering where she’ll fly

The rules are simple
Yet they don’t listen
They crack at her
And hurt her
But she’s made of the strongest of obsidian
For who else could you have gotten it from?

This may all be a book
But it might not be
I can’t prove it
No one can
But you can choose to make it one
Because we ARE all under the same sky
Though some are forced into endless night
And some ****** into perpetual day
We all look up from the same earth
And feel the same wind
We hear the same music
But feel different things
Because we ARE different
Because we are unique

You say the snow is cold
Though I’ve never felt it
I can say for certain
You can find the warmth
For even in hearts of pure ice
There is a soul with ravishing fire
A soul that won’t ever need a star
They don’t leave
It’s the difference between wired and wireless
You may not see the connection anymore
But you still hear the music
You are a beautiful color that most cannot see
You can’t be simplified into generic
Reds
Blues
And Greens
You ARE the painter
It was always your story from the start
The pity is that lots of people won’t see it as a work of art
It may be a massacre
A bloodbath of anger
Joy
Resentment
Apathy
Love
Hate
But it’s YOU
And someday
Someone will hang the painting up on the mantle

There will always be a price
Nothing but your smile is free
Though you are tired
But can’t sleep
Though your head is riddled with pain
Though you question everything
Trust the process
It won’t be for nothing
That little oval can’t do anything
It can’t taunt
It can’t comfort
Your captain isn’t evil
It’s confused
It’s blind
The little workers sent are not there to take your captain down
They’re there to show it the meaning of left and right
The meaning of right and wrong
You captain is your inner child
And the poor girl knows nothing at all
You were never meant to fit in
Nobody was
We are all born original
But so many force themselves to become copies
You are a color people cannot see
Because we can’t see all the colors there are
You are a color people cannot see
But they can all feel it’s beauty
We are all wanderers
And we’re doing the same
Broken glass
It rips skin apart
Fiber
From
Fiber
As red oil ripples over your finger tips
The smooth pads of your thumbs
You thought they were grown
But nobody is
We’re all children
Desperately needing to be loved
But some people hide it better
Hide the darkness in themselves
They beg someone to turn on the light
But wonder if the light will push away the dark
It’s not the dark you want to leave
It’s the monsters that lurk
You wonder if the monsters fear the light like you fear the dark
So you walk with your head held high
Your not scared of people anymore
You’ve seen REAL monsters
The fake ones don’t matter anymore
Though they still make you scream
In your head
It echos through your ears
You want to claw at your skull and ask
Why?
Why can’t they hear it?
Because they can’t hear you over their own

Though the stars may burst
And
Though the sky may scream
Who are we to rob Mother Nature of her anger?
Of her tears?
She may be a mother
But she is still in her teenage years
Let her cry
Let her anger
She is miserable
Just like us sometimes
Your poetry will not be forgotten
I can recite it word for word
I can’t speak for anyone but myself
But
They’ve burrowed into my head
Become one with my heart
You don’t need to unwrap vine
By vine
By vine
Cut them
Rip them to shreds
Stem from stem
Don’t give them anything
THEY’RE the problem
You WILL feel better

Your lungs fight for air
Your heart pounds for blood
You WON’T die
Your stronger than it
Stronger than the overwhelming
Strong enough
T o

B r e a k

I t

D o w n
Don’t ASK anxiety
Take it
Take your fun
Relax
Breathe
Smile
Calm
Life
Mind
Kind
They don’t belong to anxiety
They belong to you
They ask why you don’t believe a word they say You know why
But always remember
A lie
Is always
Twisted
Around
The
Truth
You’ve changed
Different than you were in September
But guess what?
We all love you
No
Matter
What
To Liana

Why did I have to love you?
Why did I have to care?
Why did I let you in?
I knew you were poison
I knew you were out for blood
But the worst part is?
You
Don’t
Know
It
You think your doing the right thing
The anti-hero
“You’ll thank me when your older”
But that’s where your wrong
Because when I’m older you’ll be gone

















































I’ll make sure of it

We were meant to set the world on fire
W h a t   h a p p e n d?

You can’t sell fire
Because you can’t see the flame
It’s invisible
It’s not yellow
Red
Orange
Blue
White
It’s
I
N
V
I
S
I
B
L
E
Invisible
You can’t feel it until you get too close
So the fire pushes you away
The fire loves you
It doesn’t want to hurt you
So it burrows deep into your heart
Into the parts that are too scarred for it to burn
that is
Until you get hurt
Until you reach your breaking point
Then all of you is scarred
So the fire
Comes out to play
You can’t sell fire
But if you see it in others eyes
It’s because they’re so scarred on the inside
They
Can’t
Feel
It

R
   U
       N
            .

you cried and cried and thought nobody cared
you think you’ve stopped trying
but
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
                                                      you haven’t
they ripped at your seams
singed your soul
and you thought it was natural
its not
its not natural to hate
yes there may be shadows lurking in this deep dark world
but thats because you have a light
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
the monsters are selfish creatures
they only lift you to the light to dim your fight
to make you give up
because even they know that on the other side where the monsters cant roam
there isnt a single sliver of darkness

you think we all see what you see
but we cant
you see yourself through a hall of broken mirrors
what WE see is beauty
we see survival
we see a soul full of life
one that has it locked away deep inside
but not deep enough
because
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
we all have secrets
they never need to be said
dont force it
scream
but dont hate yourself
from all ive seen
its impossible
when you stare into shattered glass
you see all of you
you’re the stunning reflection
not the jagged edges
those edges were what cut you in the first place
and that, you will never be
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
you dont need a happy strategy
you dont need to cry in the dark
the dark doesnt deserve your tears
nor the earth your effort in a smile

you may not see it but there is everything to live for
live for YOUR smile
you think they’ve taken it
but thats one of the things you dont get to give away
it stays with you
they WANT your tears
so give them your smiles [they hate them]

YOU are the only one that wants it
people care [but for some reason you cant see it]

you dont have to smile when they do
you aren’t a mirror
you are a PERSON

SPEAK all you want
im listening
HURT could never come again if you didnt CARE
who CARES if they dont CARE
they
can
go
to
h e  l   l

you                 |          dont
are                   |         put
not                   |        yourself
broken             |        so low

he left out the sunshine because you found a way to make your own
he didnt brush away the storm clouds because he knew you could tame the lightning
you werent finnished halfway
you were his greatest masterpiece

no one can ruin you
cant you see the point
only you can let them do it
only you can leave them behind
dont look back
dont beg
its what they want
its a twisted high they love
they love to play perfect family
picture perfect expensive things
they love it when you say nothing
thats when theyre safe
never say nothing
let people know
i know we think its rare but there are so many with a heart of gold
dont plaster on a smile
let the angels see your tears
though angels and demons wear the same masks
not all that wear a mask are evil
dont take the easy road
take the narrow path
take the high road
it makes you better
than the monsters that lurk
the ones who say you dont matter
the ones who say your feelings arent real
you are a genius
worthy
deserving
beautiful
if you will belive them
then give me that courtesy too
belive me

the chains you think surround you are made of glass
one yank and they’ll be gone
the ones around your soul tighten with your tears and loosen with a true smile
the fist feeds on salty tears
dont let it clamp down on your heart any tighter

if i had one minute
id give it to you
but you dont need the minute
im sure they loved you
the picture frame may be broken but the people inside stay the same

that stupid black truck with silver accents is a ghost
one you can walk through
it cant touch you anymore
and you will never shed another tear for it

though your fingers tremble
it shows there is blood in your veins
pumping faster than ever
you want to survive
your soul just hasent realize it yet

punch it all into your skin
the mediocre middle
and crisis averting end
but dont cover up your scars
let them be the rough beginning
let yourself
laugh
love
learn
everyday
let it be the bad days you write about
not the good ones
let the good ones be the normal
the ones where you see green eyes
pink noses
and silky black tails

BE a people pleaser
make others happy in places where you couldnt be
but you can BE a people pleaser without letting them take advantage
besides if they hurt you
why would you want to be on that bandwagon

grow
out
your
nails
and NEVER let them scream at you
NEVER let them see you bleed
NEVER let them break you
NEVER stop gluing the pieces back together
those pieces were forged in titanium
thats why they can only fracture
you’re
too
strong
too stong to continue the cycle
the fear of it bleeds through your words
thats how i know you wont
you’re too scared of it

you are:
beautiful
              belive me
                             your soul is
worth it ALL
                     belive me
                                     all the gold in the world                                                      
seen
­      belive me
                     because, because of you i feel seen too
perfect
           belive me
                           and not despite your flaws
                           but because of them

put down the smoke
it makes your lungs as black as their hearts
put down her bony wrists
everyone is perfect in their own perfect way
why go through life thinking
it could be worse?
thats the manipulation talking
its all a step bellow the barrest of minimums
its diabolical

dont act
the world may not deserve it but it would love to see you
let the pain out but dont slice it open
coerce it out so it never returns
get closure

never try to fit a mold, lovely
someday youll be the color somebody needs to complete their painting

you never need to hide the scars
you never need to bleed
you can control how you deal
but please
never let yourself bleed
and let your inner voice shut the hell up
because only the bad ones leave
the good ones will stay until you push them away
to Lyle

I used to draw on my arm all the time
Nothing big or elaborate
Just a triangle
One triangle
Then I wouldn’t hear the end of it
Everyone complaining
Ink poisoning
Future punk
What’s next, a motorcycle?
So I stopped
I stopped drawing that little triangle on my wrist
Right above my pulse point
But with it
I
Stopped
L I v I n g.
A triangle was supposed to be the strongest shape
It was supposed to make me strong
But I wasn’t even strong enough
To let it stay

She’s the shoulder for everyone to lean on
But god forbid she’d be the one leaning

do you ever feel like a fly on the wall?
even in your own story
like everything is happening
and you're just
t h  e   r    e
watching it all go like a movie
then before you know it
you’re old
gray
shriveled
and you
            did
                 NOTHING
you
     were
            just
                 THERE
why?
why let others live your life?
is it because you don’t think you deserve it?
think its worth it?
think YOU’RE worth it?
who are YOU to decide your worth?
you have a
                  beating
                              heart
                 a
                  breathing
                                 lung
                 a
                  feeling
                             touch
you are ALIVE
you dont GET to decide otherwise
you WILL live
because you ARE alive

never trust
never hope
never dream
never depend
never answer
never concede
these are the rules i abide
so i will
never get my trust broken
never be disapointed
never fail
never be unable
never be known
never be a push-over

My life is like a song
I’ve had more verses than I can remember
And the chorus drives me crazy from time to time
My life is like a song
I keep wondering when the bridge will come
And if the outro will follow soon after
Maybe I’ll get a chance at another verse
But maybe not
My life is like a song
The outro terrifies me
So does the bridge
For the bridge is the beginning of my end
Maybe it’ll be a nice change of pace
Maybe the bridge is years long and I have nothing to worry about
But maybe the bridge is a fleeting feeling
Two wandering gazes that meet in a crowd
A strangers hand brushing against another’s
A conversation that ends so quick when you wanted it to last forever
My life is like a song
I don’t know if you’ll be the bridge, the chorus, the outro or a verse
I can only hope that you’ll be one of them

Brown
Your eyes are beautiful
Somehow magical
They’re
Blue
Green
And all the colors combined
The best of all worlds

Hazel
Your eyes shine
A sea of caramel that glints in the light
Small nuggets of gold swim through them
Day and night

Grey
Your eyes are the strongest of steel
The color of old movies and graphite
The feeling of turning old pages in a book

Black
Your eyes are molten rock
The inside of angry
But the cozy of a warm cup
Your everything nobody wanted to be
So you became it for them
You are beautiful

Green
Your mother natures favorite color
Life
You’re alive
We can see it in your eyes
You’re favored in the flora

Blue
Your eyes are the white tipped ocean waves
The color of the sky and falling rain
You are the sea and the sky
Everywhere

But all these eyes hide something
Pain
Love
Hate
Feeling
All of them own a secret
Never the same
But all of them are beautiful
That will never change

Hear the wind that whispers in the night
Feel the rain wash away the memories of tonight
Never doubt you have a fire living inside
One that shines all throughout the night

Never doubt the love in your heart
It lives to fight the pain in every broken spark
Every step you take
It’s gonna help you find you way

Feel the way your eyes gaze the room
The way they sparkle at every moon
Feel the golden specks in your hazel eyes
I could go drifting through them every night

But never trust
Blindly
Never hope
Cause the hurt it causes
Hurts the worst

These are the words I say
To everyone who needs to hear it
Because I needed to hear it once
And never did

Are you alive?
Don’t test your pulse
You know that’s not what I mean
A beating heart means nothing
When your head is grey
When your breath is short
When your lungs refuse to breathe
I don’t ask if your body’s alive
I ask if your mind is
Are your breaths long?
Do you enjoy the feel of them inflating?
Do you see it for the miracle it is?
You ARE alive
There ARE people who care
There IS someone who loves you
Who would become what you are now if you were gone
You wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone
So don’t just live for yourself
Live for the people who love you

To all girls that read
              How do you get over them?
              The perfect men in the pages
              The ones who know just what to say
              Not many will understand what I have   to           say right now
              But I just need to know
How do you get over the way they made you feel
The giggles
The laughter
The legs kicking in the air
How do you get over the fact
That they will
                       Never
                                Be






                            R   E     A        L

Think about it
Think about the waves that hit the shore
Then think about the ones that don’t
The ones that collapse before they reach the sand
The white tipped sea of icy fabric
It falls back into the ocean
It’s not special anymore
It’s not seen
And that hurts more than ever before
Because it used to be

Sometimes we don’t realize it
But the hurt is there
It’s like the fire alarm you can’t turn off
You pull out the batteries but the beeping persists
You smash it against wall after wall
But it won’t end
You find the best way to cope is shoving it under your pillow
Though it’s heard the most when you try to sleep at night
At day
At noon
Every time you head hits the pillow the noise echos in your ear
Soon you forget about it
It’s faded into the background
But then
Someone tears the pillow to shreds
And you break

we all have that person
the one that helps you shine
the person who pays attention to you
but you always ask
who would pay attention to the moon?
thats what you are, arent you?
the person everyone is too busy for
in the shadow of the popular sun
so you cut ties
you hurt that person
the one that payed attention
the one that helped you shine
then you start to feel dull
its started to hurt worse than ever before
then you wonder
if they helped me shine, they must be the sun.
but no darling
they became that darkness around you
they made themselves dull
imperfect
dark
all to make YOU shine

breathe
do you feel your lungs expanding?
do you feel you chest rising?
open
open your eyes
do you see the sun?
the moon?
the stars?
the clouds?
all of them were made for you
you
wonderful
       beautiful
                lovely
                                ­           YOU
sincerely,
someone who cares

‘I’m fine’
When did those words change meaning
When did they go from ‘I’m fine’;
To ‘help me’
To ‘I’m drowning’
To ‘I want you to know’
To ‘god I hope they can’t see it’
The tears we cry
Don’t always fall from our eyes
Sometimes they fall with those words;
                 I’m fine
                                 I’m fine
             I’m fine
                I’m fine
         Fine
                Fine
              Fine
         F I N E
            FINE
I’m fine_.
Each word is a scream
Each letter is a promise to stop hoping
Each time we hear it we don’t realize what it means
Its plain in front of you
We’re all drowning  
But some scream silently
With the words
I’m fine.

Life
Nobody talks about it
All the hushed whispers in the hall are never
About
Life
Death
They’re about death
We say it’s a taboo subject but it’s almost all you ever hear
Life is just
There
The wingwoman at a bar
The third wheel that’s dying on the inside
That person in the middle of the class that’s not cool enough to sit in the back nor nerd enough to sit in the front
They’re
Just
There
Like life
You never notice them until
They’re gone
Then
They’re
The whispers in the hall
They’re the taboo subject
But they’re all everyone talks about now
You never notice them until
They’re gone

But there are those moments
When you look around and let yourself be amazed by that beam of sunlight shooting across the wood grain
When you breathe and feel the air filling your lungs and finally realize it for the miracle that it is
Realize that it was always meant to be there
When you finally see the spark you thought was gone in a strangers eyes
When you realize it’s not about the end
But how you reach it

I used to love the water
The way it glided between my fingers
The way the light bounced of the surface
I used to love the water
It’s beautiful ripples
It’s majestic tidal waves
I used
To love the water
Until it’s ripples surrounded me
Until it’s waves drowned me
I hate the water
The way you never know how deep you’ll fall if you jump
How a small wave in the distance grows to a tsunami
How you never know what it’ll take next
A slipper
A hat
A watch
All I know is I got two sets of identical purple pajamas
I never wanted them
All I know is I would give up all the purple pajamas in the world
To get back what I lost

I’m unremarkable
But I’m not stupid
I’m unknown
But not forgotten
I do so many bad things
But also good things
I never keep all my promises
But I keep most
I hope for better days
But I’m not crushed if my hopes don’t come true
I’m not good
But I’m not bad
I’m not generic
But I’m not unique
I’m not a genius
But I get good grades
I’m not beautiful
But I’m not ugly
Can you see where this is going
Can’t you see I have nowhere to belong
I’m not good enough to be the hero
But I’m not bad enough to be the villain
I belong nowhere
Nowhere to belong
Nowhere that owns me
Nowhere to confide in
Where does that put me
Huh
Where
            Do
                  I
                    Belong.

                           Did
                         I
                  Ever
        Belong
   To
                     Begin with?