As I woke, My pillow wet.
My subconscious must have emptied out my fears as I slept.
Why then this anchor, this sullen bet.
My conscious mind, "you've seen nothing yet."
If I do not empty out these thoughts on paper,
They will settle on my shoulders, cover my view.

The future needs a friend.
A someone with no end.
A soft word a hard hug.
Coffee conversations till 2 am.

The boulders in the road fall from the mountain of you. Alone I try and clear the way
but the daylight has faded.
The future is there but this lens must be jaded.

This teacher of tears has tought me much.
Push, through the struggle.
Yourself first, you must love.
Share a smile with a stranger... even when your sad.

And dream with your eyes open.
This life's not all bad.

A expert out of my book "Pillow Stains"
By Bonni Bird

She must be beautiful,   I ask myself as I drown in the image of you
She must be strong and kind, I wonder as I pick my broken pieces off the floor.
She must be more, than the thoughts I have of me
I cannot change the reality that we have never met and yet
I wonder if you would remember me or if I would have the courage to forget.  
You see I have to let you go because you do not belong to me.
even though in a milky way our souls have been so intertwined so.
that I swear I can feel you breathe, thousands of miles away from me
My journey cannot include you,   I tell my self a matter of fact.

To try distract from this aching inside my bones.
Knowing that you love deeply and truly  
knowing you are calling another home
Knowing that once again.
I am all alone.

This silence has to become my friend.  
I have to stare into the dark abyss and introduce myself

Hi.... I’m Bonni ...
It echoes back in questions  

as I realize that I do not know who I am apart from expectations, stereotypical boxes and other peoples plans.
It echoes back disappointment and heartache that I know and understand.
  
This love journey is not you walk
its me, myself and I