...Out of the corner of her eye,
a bolt split the endless blue horizon in two,
shattering Neptune's fork and sending the cold king cowering back to the depths,
A new day had Dawned,
and the sun endlessly wrapped her in his,
protective,
  Warm,
   Embrace.

She's the kinda Girl I'll do anything for,
I couldn't want and there couldn't be anything more,
I just want her just how she comes,
that warm familiar look is the one of the one.

She's that kinda Woman with gorgeous looks,
her hair naturally blows,
as her curves naturally flow,
and her chocolate auburn hair waves and loops.

She's the kinda Lady you have to know to know,
the cover is deceptive,
and I hope some chapters can be neglected,
theres some horrible things only cursed old pages show.

She's the kinda Queen I want forever more,
she has the power of a storm that could bring me down,
and the knowledge of 100 prophets,
she's the only one I adore.

She's the kinda Goddess that has all that knowledge to act on,
but attempts with no decision,
as if to say the answer is beyond my opinion,
I worry who will make that choice when I'm sometimes gone.

I would run one thousand miles,
I would run a few,
if thats what it took to save you,
then that is what I'd do.

But the truth that always scares me,
is I can't save you from your fantasies,
I'm not strong enough,
If your depression becomes reality.

Obsession,
ignoring you isn't easy,
I care so much,
that you are who you are,

   thinking of you changing,
hurt,
or fading,
makes me feel queasy,

      what secrets do you keep,
are you a sinner,
don't take the risk,
why turn to the dark,

what do you do,
how do you feel,
do I hold you back,
can you live like me,

  It's a question,

      I must ask.

'why do you do it,
you perhaps need to stop?!
you'll permanently damage your self!'

I'd reply,
'Nahh!'
What I ment was this...

'That's the idea,
It was once a punishment for a fat child,
who was to weak to look after himself.

Now it's still a punishment,
but this time for a weak man,
not strong enough to care for the one he loves.'

I am training,
In my head I am preparing,
for the day hell is raining,

to be a hero is my dream,
my head is swimming with unlimited lives,
there is so many futures I have seen,

In my head there are no boundaries,
I am the essence of power,
A tormented monster I will always be,

But sometimes all the worlds make a link,
I tense up and my eyes scatter,
The civillians don't know what to think,

maybe my heroic desire to fly,
will meet a cliff face,
and be my means to die.

Sax
Clarinet,
piano,
Moot,
Wedding,
I want to know.
   Old stages,
super rock,
Is she alright?
double grade 8,
partys,
I hope she sticks to the light.
   Explores,
work,
does she look like the love I know?
money,
independence,
will I find something that she hasn't shown?
   Not enough time to exercise,
A diseased family,
I want endless time with her in my future,
GAD,
sequences,
do I sound like a preacher?
   spots,
maturity,
can I cope?
when will I next see her,
can I manage more motivation,
MAYBE I WON'T !

Sax,
   clarinet,
      grade 8,
scales,
   sight reading,
      frustrate.

Super rock,
   teaching,
      french cafe,
logic,
   preaching,
      don't go that way!

Camp,
   sociology,
      tech,
music,
   general,
       respect.

cleaning,
   brother,
      size,
love,
   loss,
      surprise.

feet,
   freedom,
      modelling,
workout,
   fear,
      not bothering.

I'm Sorry about how I am,
I close my eyes and still see you,
at the start it was nearly exiting,
but now what do I do,
I maybe safer,
but the agony shines through.

God take me in my sleep,
so this hurt will no longer be,
that breath sweep me away,
I'm down on my knees,
they say I can enjoy my self,
but how is this free!

Old love becomes a curse,
how can a heart that is broken,
truly be fixing,
time is against me so the clock is ticking,
I all ready see the better men she is picking,
I'm angry that your gorgeous face is still sticking.

Well we've known each other for a long time now,
believe it or not,
so I though it was about time I told you why and how.

It's not easy being the second son,
I was considered worthless,
as you know I couldn't read or add up sums.

I didn't have a dolphins brain,
I had a lions heart,
they use to think it was such a shame.

But here I am stronger and better paid.
Mental issues not physical.
look at the monster I've made!

Like a wolf,
I crave for my pray,
I see her in the pale moon light,
She rests on a great plain,
She is exhausted,
My thirst for her blood is so savage,
I have tracked her from my home territory,
Her galloping was not enough,
I'm lurking in long dark grass,
The suspense is unbearable,
I long to pin her begging to the floor,
And sink my jaws into her throat.

I said I'll love you always,
my opinion is gonna remain the same.
  
   So if I have to hide away,
Its not cos I don't love you,
It's because I'll die.
  
   If I'm helpless,
and I have to watch you,
obliviously stray.

I'll be honest,
I'm scaired of you,
Not of your perthetic **** of a body,
But you are mentally intimidating,
You have the ability to manipulate people against me,
You believe you are mentally superior,
More popular,
More mature,
And you know I rely on you.

Tell me,
When I no longer rely on you,
And you make me lose my rag,
How superior will you be?
When I tear you limb from limb,
And there is nothing you can do,
You are helpless and hopeless,
Only then will you relise,
that you have made my life hell.

I once had a dream,
of perfection,
a world in which I wasn't belittled,
where I was the pinnacle of evolution,
I wanted to show people a world where anything is possible,
if you put the effort in you can get it back out,
I wanted people to remember my story,
how a nervous weedy boy,
became a monster,
But little did I know if you damage yourself to change,
It will bite you in the ***,
give me a C,
I'll give you an A,
give me a motive,
I'll find a way,
give me a wish to change,
I'll give you,
potential infertility,
other neglect,
and anguish.

There's a storm coming,
and we better be ready when it blows,
it will break our hearts,
and drown our souls.

We will have to work hard,
if we are to wait out the storm,
it can make the biggest of things small,
and the smallest of things big.

we will have to be focused,
we will have to stay positive,
it can crush our dreams,
and spill our sorrows.

we can beat the storm,
if we work together,
if we decide right rather than wrong,
and take only the risks that are actually worth taking.

Let me tell you something,
something I haven't said to you before,
I've told many others,
but it's about you,
and telling you has worried me for sure.

I can't remember the date,
It was some time last year,
but It was a hard reality check,
which nearly knocked me out,
and it's what brought you so near.

I STOPPED,
don't know where or when,
but I thought of my days with the stoners,
I thought of the protests I made,
and the **** I believed,
and the risks my friends had taken.

I believed that **** had never killed,
and was healthy it majority and medicinal,
but in fact I found later on that it was terrible,
once adapted for the street,
and me not taking it was a miracle.

see what **** really kills is your mind,
you wouldn't be the same girl I knew,
you already have your problems,
see it's killed some of my friends inside,
and I won't let it have you!

The reality check I got,
was of your making,
would I let you be a test dummy of this,
did I really believe what I once said,
on you was the risk really worth taking?

Well I suppose I came up with so many restricting rules,
   I didn't appreciate the beauty I had enough,
      I made you do things and by mistake gained control,
   I wasn't cheery enough,
my health wasn't good enough,
   and I never understood enough,
      yet you never pushed or shoved me,
   but I've made a promise not to descend to the world below,
or to ascend to the sky above me,
  I don't know if this will change my fate,
      the days...
         I couldn't make her love me.

Forgive me,
for I am beyond bitter,
my conscience,
is shrouded by,
the darkest weather.

My goal,
is to look good in the eyes again,
without hurting,
without despise,
thats my endeavour.

But my issue is,
what has good done to me,
but hurt me,
leave me in need,
when I was there what ever that weather!

I can't care for good,
because if I reach out,
good takes my fingers off,
one at a time,
making me sick and boil in pain.

So NO I can't look,
how can I smile,
how can I love,
how can I be selfless again,
so evil I'll remain.

They all ask,
why so protective?
why so boring?
why can't you accept?
the inevitability of spoil!

My unarguable answer is this,
If ever in your naive life,
you love someone as much as I do,
then you will fight like hell,
to stop they're corruption.

Forgive me,
for I may sin,
perhaps for your benefit,
for there benefit,
for my love's sake,
but what I believe in,
no longer matters,
If I am taken by the dark,
to aid you and the rest,
then so be it,
spare me,
from the jaws of hell,
Amen!

Your gentle touch,
when you kiss me after an Icy drink,
and tongue round my ears,
when you hug me without holding back,
and snuggle up with me in front of the TV,
when you run your hands through my hair,
and you caress my skin,
leaving me intoxicated as you constrict my body.

The delightful sound,
of your lips parting,
and your soothing whisper in my ear,
the swell of your groans,
and your exited pant,
or your cute squeak,
when you stroke my flesh,
and our soaked chests stick together.

My dazzled sight,
when you gaze into me,
or give me that irrisistable hot look,
your flowing bronze chocolate hair,
the perkiness of your smooth curves,
the face structure of a goddess,
and the most welcoming pure skin,
I won't forget those colourful eyes.

That tempting smell,
of your natural scent,
when you wake up in the morning,
and your perfumes and products,
or your warm home,
and fresh washing powder,
when I bury my nose deep into you,
and soak up the essence of you.

And the rich taste,
of your delicate lips,
and your soft cheeks,
your agile tongue,
or your running sweat,
when I lap up your *******,
or you loosen round my face,
and I suckle as you gush.

It's sort of circular,
more like an oval,
with the four seasons positioned round it,
summer and winter at the two peeks,
the map has many dimensions,
there is numerical memory in columns and rows,
on another layer to the main map,
and on the map there are memories,
from my past which flash back to me in moments of panic,
there are dark shadows of fate in the future,
there are a few colourful points on the map,
days of hope and to make it to,
but they are normally crowded by deep grey patches,
I can see them,
1 week,
almost 1 month,
nearly 4 months,
not far off 1 year,
just a select few of them,
sometimes the map fades into the shadows,
thats when the end is drawing near,
on the deciding days the dimensions disappear.

There is a place,
in the corner of your eye,
in the shadow of a corner,
I only know now,
It's a place with no honour.

Where are you safe from the shadows?
the night,
where are you safe from the night?
the shade,
these places make the shadows jump in fright.

So we are the Night Shades,
those vibrant flowers,
we will protect you when there's no light,
we will poison the shadows,
alone we will still fight.

When I was a boy,
I was scared of the dark,
the deep endless black,
I am a Night Shade,
isn't it time the dark was scared back?

I have come to the conclusion,
I might be the only one who can help,
if the doctor found out about your head,
the pills would **** with your meds,
I don't think your strong enough,
to wean off the addiction,
so the pills would twist you till your dead.
   Council would help,
but you feel safe without the attention,
if people knew,
it could be fatal,
so I suppose I'm the only one,
who won't stop helping you,
so I'm your shot at redemption.
   So what can I give you?
   Vitamins and endorphins,
I won't stop trying,
even if I am good for nothing.

And then I breathed,
several deep breaths,
as I left the valley,
of the shadow,
of death.

I,
there was no realisation,
that I was forcing my way out,
head first,
through the jaws of pitiless hell.

Because my breaths,
of deep relief,
were probably mistaken,
for the deep breaths,
before the last plunge.

I'm sorry,
I am very ill again,
I don't feel I'm going to make it out this time,
with my sanity in tact,
I can feel the molten core,
with a dark surrounding,
the spasms are wild with a ruff pant,
my heart is pounding.

  Even so,
I love you,
I'll look after you,
I'll give you everything I got,
even If It's not what you want,
I'm right behind you,
In every task...

I hate my self to say this,
but I need help,
Is staying naturally beautiful to much to ask?

I've probably thought like this before,
so many times,
perhaps for all the wrong reasons,
but this time I guess it really matters.
   So I start off thinking,
can she love me?
theres that part of me that says,
ye she's just confused because you've been ill,
maybe if I hadn't have been so wrong,
this distance wouldn't have happened,
who am I to know?
there is another part of me which says,
maybe not perhaps she's board of me,
and she just doesn't know how to say it,
   Which then leads me to think,
Does she think there's someone better out there for her,
someone who looks better maybe?
perhaps I'm not gonna be the best any more,
she said I'm still attractive but how much am I really?
someone who makes her feel better all round.
   Perhaps she thinks I love her but not enough?
so maybe there is someone out there,
who she wants to be closer to instead of me,
someone who she'd rather spend her life with.
   I wonder If she knows I believe there is no one,
who could love her more than me now,
I would do anything for her,
and appreciate her for who she really,
and be confronted by being privileged enough to know that,
   I wonder if she's thought what life would be like without me?
If she didn't have me yearning to be close,
would she care?
all those lovely times we had,
being silly,
or sneaky,
and laughing.
   I just want to make her happy!
we could have loads more wonderful times,
with me still close,
I wouldn't let her down later on,
we could both live more relaxed,
   I wonder if she can imagine,
all those good times but better an fresh,
without me having a bad head!
I can think more present now,
I can think more positive now,
how wonderful that would be with her!
   The map is now bright and full of opportunity,
it's full of wishes now,
not complete darkness,
I hope she doesn't think that I still will bog her down,
her high isn't my low.
   I'm still hers and she can trust me,
I hope she knows that she's gorgeous and lovely,
I can only hope I deserve more time with her,
and she'd be happier with me not without me,
   Hopefully we can push through this,
without a maximum of two kisses on a text,
and without a maximum in our lives,
we can go on and grow on,
I'm still me,
I won't give up.

I love you,
I know I'm starting off so very vague,
for this word is not explainable in any other way.

   I will caress you form the shadows,
I will keep you from harm's way,
I will hold you,
I think of you throughout all of my days,
I have set on you,
I don't think of them the same way any more,
I want you to know,
you've got me forever,
I won't go!

   Your laid back outlook is a breath of fresh air,
your smell is to die for,
those other males wouldn't dare,
because they would lose their lives if I saw.

   I promised I wouldn't lie to you so this is how it is,
It isn't unconditional,
For this I feel so selfish,
Love me,
Trust me,
don't leave me,
I'm so sorry it's a lot to ask this.

   I will give my life to you,
this will be the last thing I do,
I would rather my heart pounded for you,
than you cut my heart in two.

All the time,
we are waiting,
the high light of our day,
just being in contact with each other,
it is time worth making.

We sit and wait,
for that message,
that text,
that call,
the obsession of the love in which we fall.

But what we really want,
is that hug,
that kiss,
that touch,
the things we crave so very much.

Flashbacks,
to judgment day,
as well as the ones before.

   Some weight is lifted,
But I want you to be mine,
I'm protective even more.

   I lived for the day for a bit,
But now I want our future,
so now my head is torn.

   And so I have to check,
that I'll see you again,
to stop the greater mourn.

   So do I want it back,
what I have thrown away,
I can't cope through another judgment day!

Is it his origin?

His Physique?

  His mentality?

   His mannerisms?

    Or is it something deeper,
something harder to explain?

We all have a goal,
a mind as strong as the body,
or a body as strong as the mind,
few have both in this world.

This is one of the worst sequences,
there is some which have happened beyond this,
but that's only because my death is potential,
it hasn't happened... yet.

There is an open road,
we cross it,
I pass a bizarre building,
"what are you doing?"
"where are you going?"
you say.

I can feel your gaze on my back,
I don't turn round,
because your inquisitive look,
would tear my heart even more,
I tell you to go on and give me a min',
In my normal way.

And then you go on with the other one,
I slump down at the wall,
gazing on past Bethesda,
into the green pastures of the after life,
sequencing about the terror that is happening with you.

And like always I'm beaten by my body,
my heart,
my breath,
thats when I end,
you come out when you're done to check I'm ok,
but then I gaze into your lush eyes,
I'm to scared to gaze anywhere else,
just incase I see something that further scares me,
you then just watch me slip away.

Well in socio,
I was asked what is my identity?
I thought,
sure I know plenty,
but actually,
what the hell do I know,
am I build up of what people think around me?

Well this is what I think,
you don't have to agree,
I don't really know who I am to you.

To me I'm a unique bloke,
physically short and strong due to painful labour and exercise,
mentally I'm ****** up due to obsessions,
visions and life experiances,
I don't hate much,
danger,
drugs,
wankers,
and body modifications,
so you're alright with me if you keep yourself clean.

I'm a contemporary saxophonist,
with a bit of old school classical,
my ****** dyslexia is my downfall.

I'm a moral monster,
just remember that,
I still have some faith,
so cut me some slack,
I just want you to be gorgeous and safe,
whoever you are,
I may have a large mouth,
but it's a wise one,
my real name is Jack.

I didn't love you enough,

   you didn't want enough,

      your mother didn't do enough,

   your father didn't see enough,

your brother didn't care enough,

   and our friends and family didn't know enough,

      we all blame our selves,

   but how ever hard it is for me to understand,

nobody is to blame.

Why?

We can all answer who,
What,
Where,
When,
And how.

Even if we don't want to.

But we can't always say why!

I would **** or die,
To find the answer to why,
If that's what it took.

Just why ?!

My fear of hurt,
has been given to you.

My heart pounds,
when I see pictures of you.

I die,
when you're not here.

I hate to think,
of you any other way.

I'm cold,
when you're not holding me.

I'm throbbing,
when you gaze at me.

You stun me,
when you touch me.

And you **** me,
when you're in danger.