HOSPITAL IRREGULARITY                                                                                            
While I’m here, in hospital
I have lots of time to think
Trouble is I’m constipated
And only **** and stink                                                                         b

They gave me this emulsion
Which I was told to drink
It made my stomach turn
Took my ******* to the brink

I rushed to make the toilet
That place where doggies drink
As I got there, it exploded
Even got some on my ****

My nurse came running over
She said, you rotten fink
Just before she gagged
And threw up in the sink
BOEMS BY JA 278          
Written in hospital 2014

MEASURING VITALS                                  
They checked my nerves
For too much stress
But only found
A garbled mess

So hooked up wires
To my brain
But no signal
Could attain

Then they wired
Up my chest
But found the signal
Not the best

So to my fingers
And my toes
But no signal
Came from those

The doc got mad
And said at last
Stick them up
His ******* ***

When they did that
It did me irk
But, made their signal
Start to work
BOEMS BY JA 270          
Written in hospital 2014

NURSE KRACHET                                                    
I’m scared to speak too loud
So I’ll whisper, just in case
That nasty nurse Miss Krachet
Comes in and shows her face

She’s quite a nasty woman
And looks just like a witch
Her face and nose both posses
This long and gnarly stitch

She walks around limping
Unsupported by a broom
She has this air about her
Must think she’s Heidi Klum

I asked her for my *****
When I once had to ***
She said, get it yourself
You won’t get it from me

But I’m confined to bed, I said
So I can’t go nowhere
She said, ******* old man
And that’s no lie, I swear

When she left, I asked my roomy
To get me that pissy ***
I had waited for so long
I had to **** a lot

I filled it up, right to the top
The next move quite the chore
Since I couldn’t bend or stretch too far
I barely made the floor

As time went by, I forgot
Where that ***, now rested
So when nurse Krachet, walked right in
Her anger, soon was tested

Up to my bed, she sauntered
Thus did not see the spot
Where I had put that silly thing
Until she kicked that ***

It all splashed out, on her foot
The floor, her socks and shoes
And then her face, turned bright red
Which did, just me amuse

I marveled at how nicely
Things sometimes turn out
She got herself, all ****** on
But didn’t even shout

Since then I’m keeping quiet
My mouth closed really tight
I don’t want her to come around
And get into a fight

So I’m holding, everything I have
Remembering what she said
And hoping that her shift will end
Before I **** my bed

My bowels will soon let loose
So I’m praying to high heaven
Now that it’s, six fifty nine
Her shift will end, at seven
BOEMS BY JA 280        
Written in hospital 2014

ABOUT ME                                                        
I’m sitting here in this bed
Doing things, that I dread
With all these nurses, round me

I can’t seem to, get ahead
They just make me, lay in bed
And do things, which confound me

I must ***, in a jar
For number two, can’t go far
And the food, it just astounds me

I have wires, here and there
Gadgets hanging everywhere
And all these tubes, surround me

Ticking machines, which blink and beep
But never seem, to go to sleep
They put them here, to hound me

But, I’ll stick it out
Without a doubt
Even if, it kills me
BOEMS BY JA 274        
Written in hospital 2014

THE I.C.U. SMART BED                                        
In the intensive care unit
I got my first, Smart Bed
Worth sixty thousand dollars
At least that’s what they said

This bed could move
This bed could talk
This bed could sing
This bed could rock

It was so advanced
It dispensed my medications
Displayed all my vitals
And their fluctuations

If I hummed a tune
I don’t know how it guessed
But it would always, somehow
The right song, finesse

This made me apprehensive
To myself express
For even if I sneezed
It would say, “God Bless”

It could measure temperature
And also what you weigh
Give you, a heads up
And the time of day

It could tilt and lift
Had settings to vibrate
And each of those vibrations
It could modulate

If I couldn’t sleep
Or if I tossed and turned
It would start to rock me
This at night I learned

To get into a rhythm
Became the nightly trick
Cause if you weren’t in sync
You would get sea sick

And waking up
Became a rousing charm
First the soft, sweet music
Then that ******* alarm

If I was sad
It read my mood
Then cheered me up
Dispensed snack food

And if by chance
I blew a ****
It printed out
An air flow chart

The mattress was
Just full of air
With all these pockets
Everywhere

If I sat down
It receded
Then puffed back up
As I needed

For with a move
Of any sort
It was right there
To give support

And when I lay
But did not move
It seemed to fill
My every groove

So when I sat
To have my snack
It spread my cheeks
Then filled my crack

But when I had to poo
A hole would open up
Just big enough in size
For my **** to drop

When I was done my movement
It gently washed and dried
Quite the nice experience
I really was surprised

But, my biggest thrill
Was when I had to ***
Oh, what it could do for women
If it so pleasured me

This suction tube extended
And did my prostrate meet
Then, attached right to it
Like a Bovines ****

It ****** out all the *****
Now that was quite a trip
And then it took a pause
Awaiting that last drip

So, I was quite upset
When, they rudely me dispatched
For I was by then, to it
Very much attached

But, before I left that room
I cannot tell a lie
I gave my bed a hug
And it told me “Goodbye”
BOEMS BY JA 273        
Written in hospital 2014

SHORT AND SWEET                                
I woke up one morning
Surprised, I was not dead
Found myself in hospital
Restricted to my bed                                                                                  
            
They gave me Nitro Glycerin
In a tiny cup
Then told me not to move
Because I might blow up
BOEMS BY JA 275      
Written in hospital 2014

DAY THREE –MINUS ONE                                
My last day, before the dawn
When this ordeal, should end
The outcome preordained to be
A death, or on the mend

The odds are good that I survive
But thoughts of death creep in
What’s out there, I should have done
And am I filled with sin

I’m not that bold, to be the judge
Of what should be or not
But am resigned, to my fate
This life has on me wrought
BOEMS BY JA 284        
One day till the heart operation 2014