A touch,
A movement of lips upon another,
A little wet,
Perhaps with tears or the simple caress of the tounge,
Eyes close,
Sense,
Sense the moment,  
Feel what they feel,
Take it deeper, calm it down
Lose yourself,
Or at the very least try to,
Why are you so numb?
Want the thrill of it, need it.  
Stop experimenting as if each body was a Guinea pig in the lab of your heart.
Let go,  for once in your miserable life,  let go
Why so immobilized with fear?
Why dread the touch, that sensual touch?
It won't harm,  it will not hurt
Just trust
Trust the hand that holds you tight
Strock them as carefully as they did you,
Scratch back with the fire of the game,
Roam that foreign body not with the intent to discover but simply for the pleasure of it,
Fall back on the mattress behind,
Drown between the sheets,
Feel the pressure atop you, under you, on every inch of your body,
And when its over,  you walk out
Out of the room of great trepidation,
Feeling nothing but numb,
Feeling nothing but the scar that'll stain your back.

I went on a walk today. My feet led me to a place past the horizon where light and darkness where at a simple harmony. They coexisted in a way I hadn’t learned to do with myself, with an ease that made me envious.

I went on a walk today and my chest felt heavy for my legs to carry. It was suspended past the dome of my ribs, inflated to a point of discomfort so I crossed my arms atop it just to hold it in place for fear it would explode at any moment. My tears fought for release and I tried to convince them it was not I holding them captive but my heart, this cave made of snow beating icicles in to my veins.

I went on a walk today and I felt neither the cold nor the warmth of the consecutive hours. It simply swooshed past me without a second glance. I watched it leave with awe wondering if my ghost status had inverted to official that even ethereal beings would not acknowledge me.

I went on a walk today and saw a flock of birds and saw one seating on the phone wire away from its group. I stared at it and felt its eyes on me, and for a moment their was an instant familiarity. That was the moment I realized loneliness was a language, only few could understand but still, a language.

She wears white,
And it sparkles in the moon light,  
As her feet dangle from the ledge
Of her balconies edge,
And a toe dips,
In to the dark abyss,
Where the ground stoppes,
And air fills,
Where the wall is no more,
As she decides to plummet to the floor,
It won't hold no more,  
Her fingers on the stone,
Or the steel road,
Constructed by the mind,
That was once her own,
Yet she thought it was time to disown,
For it kept her on her knees,
Begging for a peace,
That felt so far away,
At a distance unknown,  
Yet her eyes could see,
Shards sparkling in her periphery,  
Though it was too late to take back,
choice's known to be bad,
Acceptance was her forte,
Agreement her reprimand,
So when her feet flew from their destiny,  
Her head was filled with insanity.

Describe it to me; that perfect moment, when the sun peeked out of the horizon and you were standing there, up on the hill, waiting for her to emmerge.

Describe it to me; that dazzling day, when you held on to the very end of your sanity, rocking it in to the burial ground you had been digging for years.

Describe it to me; that cold winter day when the river was full and the tide strong, and you decide it was a good day for a swim.

Describe it to me; that quite evening, right after the sun set you sat through, you saw a cluster of fireflies and they glowed like the world was a good place.

Describe it to me; that fatal day when you went out to your garden and the flowers didn’t look pretty anymore so you took the gasoline and a match, and watched the inferno swallow your lives work.

Describe it to me; that hectic weekend when you fell in love twice in two days and you couldn’t believe your heart was big enough to accommodate such strong emotions. You felt dizzy and nauseated but also suspended far away from gravity like a rollercoaster ride on the moon.

Describe it to me; that never ending month where your only companies were the blanket you loved and the music that stacked your phone. You felt lost as if all roads were interminable maize’s that you were tired of going in circles in.

Describe it to me; that quite night, you first tasted the lips of a cigarette and you held it between your own squeezing ever so gently. You sighed sensing the choice in your hands, whether or not you decided to die from this magnificent sin were yours and yours alone and you smiled crookedly as the match found its peak.

Describe it to me; that well played afternoon where you were only twelve and you were with her, your first love even before you were acquainted with the very concept of love and she told you to close your eyes. You felt it, that first pressure against your lips and you never remembered why your eyes stayed close but you assume it was to preserve that instant for eternity.

Describe it to me; that wet morning as you stood away from the moderately assembled crowed and you watched as they slowly descended your heart in a casket with her still holding it and you could never forgot the deafening silence that followed the crash of sand atop her as if it was the instant you went deaf to the world. Tears never left your eyes because there was nothing left to cry for.


Describe it all to me as if I was never there to witness it.

A word,
Packed with power,
Rests on my barren flesh,
It slashes, 
With no warning,
It burns,
Hotter than fire,
And I wonder what I ever did,
Except become a mistake you never wanted,
Holding your dreams captive,
In the shell of my heart,
Covered with ruin,
Of this deteriorating self,
Yet here I am,
An embodiment of it,
Of the sin you would not admit to,
A mistake you would never kneel for,
Yet here I am,
A constant reminder of what you could have had,
You would not resent me,
You never really could,
But your heart did,
It kept secretes in its casing,
Of expressions never spoken,
Except when the anger reaches its peak,
And it flows like a thunderous volcano, 
Burning my soul to ashes,
So when I’m in my bed,
I sleep like the dead,
Not from exhaustion,
But of great lose, a lose that took the very essence of me,
I sleep like the dead,
For I am soon to be.

We had a color you and I.
You were a tantalizing white, vibrant yet subtle. You had the power to magnify everything because of that silent manifestation you comprise when a drop of any other shade was splattered on you, making it incredibly vivid. You were what poets used as muse for there was nothing purer than the flawless white of that glorious spirit yet you were neither dumbfounded nor disappointed by it.


I was a disaster-prone black, ill-fated yet beautiful. I made the light seem brighter, more picturesque; a comparison for better accomplishment. I came out at night to walk the terrors of the hours of darkness, untouched because of this gloomy soul. I was what the holly book prohibits to touch, to indulge all sensations because to drink from me was to imbibe a gallon of sin.


Sadly, beauty and unpleasant have a curious way of finding each other. I don’t remember which of us found the other first; if it was I who saw you shine from miles away or if it was you who found me huddled in a corner.


We were gods you and I. we created a love that transversed worlds. We shamed Orpheus and Eurydice. We disgraced Torin and Keelycael. There was nothing more powerful than the passion we twisted and at the same time nothing was more potent. We came from different places, you from the havens and I from the shallow depths of hell; and everything we made became a freak of nature.   


 We created the color gray.


We created the color gray from our undefeated essences. We made an unremarkable and unloved color from our insurmountable selves for the reason that we were too prideful to give up each other and at the same time ourselves. We made an abhorred thing because we were never meant for each other.


I realized when I saw you walk away, that last dreadful night, the white in you was somewhat fazed and I looked in the mirror that same night to see the darkness in me leaking. There was a little bit of gray in both of us. That was when I realized we stole pieces of each other.


Yes, my love, we made a color gray.