Words don't flow anymore.
Since the day the world shattered,
Splitting beneath my feet,
Weeping lava and tsunami spray
Lurching and reaching for me.
Not the way they used to at least,
Not the way they sang and spun,
My fingers conducting them,
Swirling them, twirling them,
Endless refrains of summer and sunshine,
Molten gold and sugar thread.
I wasn't there that day,
I was somewhere else,
Mourning someone else.
I should've been there,
Maybe if I'd been there,
Maybe maybe maybe
If if if.
Words don't flow anymore,
She took them with her.

Should I describe myself to you?
With words that burn and bubble blue?
Should I tell you too?
That the words inside me are hellfire truths?
That my hair, my skin, my bones, my tooth,
Are irrevocable rotten proofs?
Maybe I should but what's the use?
Burning and bloated in scornful youth.
Between my brain and my heart is tentative truce.
And maybe there's nothing left to really lose,
This inescapable, ineffective ruse,
This high top building I have to choose,
And hiding from my deathly black humor muse,
I don't think I really have anything left to prove.

There's something they love to say,
"life is a roller coaster and
everything will be okay"
so I kneel every night
and I pray and pray and pray,
but this feeling, this aching,
it never goes away.

-and then I think of her.
My flesh, my blood,
marred by something darker
but she's the light.

She's a star in inconsolable depths,
burning like she's born to it,
and I think of the first time
that I held my sun.

My arms, well,
they were striped like sheet music,
and bruises played like notes
like your smile on my heartstrings.

And you gathered the shards
of my worthless heart
as gently as your chubby fingers could,
your fingers wrapped round my pinky.

                   And so even when,
                                                   yes even when,
       the music fades away,
                                        you are my life,
                                                           ­                  my purpose,
                    my reason to stay.