how am I supposed to look my friends in the eye
tell them that a guy held me down and ****** me
but I can't dare say it was ****
in the face of the law because I didn't scream or I didn't say what I wanted loud enough
as if my actions had no reason behind them
as if me pushing him away and not kissing him
meant yes keep going
in the eyes of society it makes me a ***** having slept with two guys at my age
having it not feel like anything having no pleasure brought at all
how am I the *****
if I can not even describe to you how good it can feel  
when all I can say is that I remember not feeling a thing
floating in a room
rocking back and forth
looking to the ceiling into the beams of light casting onto the screen laid before it
looking at the dust float down and touch my skin turning
my head more
not dare look at his face
looking at the seat
as he used his lips to bruise my cheek
how do I describe that to those I love to those who say I'm lying to those who tell me to get over it to those
who turn their back and utter that five letter word
starting with a w
ending with an e
never put those together
it was never we
it was a boy of age 17
and a girl not even 16

“good things happen to good people”
I was told
For me such wonders were not so
For people stay
Yet they still fray
They forgive
Also no longer live
For me
I was taken
Taken advantage of
For him they consept
Of conterceptives
Didn’t apply
From his throat another lie
The one that said he “cared”
Not a gaze
Dreaming past my clothes
For him they became grave tolls
But that day he had to say
“Take it off”
Then the stop he did decline
Fist clenched
Hoping to make a vast fence
Pounding on his chest
Yet he did not rest
Pushing me down saying
“Don’t make a sound”
Turning my head
As I said “please stop”
But his frame remained dominate
Holding hips
Such hand never slip
As I pushed and pushed
But silence remained
His sweat dripping
My eyes slipped to a close
******* my lip
My soul he caught a sip
Taking part of me
You will never see
My pain nor claim
As I’m too scared to show
My neck bruised and claimed
I will never be the same
Skin unseenly stained
Again never the same
But a stain to stay
Never yet to fray
Not like a cast away hair
You may not see in a week
But for me it remains
All of the stains
It’s a dirt covering my skin
As it was a sin
But such a dirt never to be removed by soap
I try with the hope
It will leave
Never again worrying about my sleeves
Like a year long past
Hope this dread won’t be so
My story finally shared
Not for you to care
But to finally understand

For I
For me
Stand alone
Among my thoughts
Contemplations
Of the dispicable and granting
Man wanting to control the
For I
For me
Am a slave of society
Of the ediquet of you and them
But not me
For I
For me is no longer the same as me
As a child many years past
Hair grows long
Then cut
They grow gray
Eyes lose wonder
Turn to evil
Hands turned ******
From hard work and safety
For you
For them
Conclusion to overwhelm
With political debates
The one discluding my well being
For us
For all
The entirety of us
Want to be “normal”
As you would say
What is “normal”
Just us to fake
Normally is to fake
Saught to be found but when found
Wanted to be lost
For none
For nothing
Deseres a life of unloyalty brought by
Society
For society
Is killing us all…