Chills up my spine,
the music starting,
watch as she becomes alive,
dancing, dancing, dancing.

The definition of insanity,
is doing the same thing over and over,
and expecting a different result.

Does this mean I am insane then?
No matter how many times you hurt me,
I come back.

Over,
and over,
and over again.

Why can't I stop?

What is it like,  
to see the world in color
rather than shades of gray?

Would you notice,
if the sky turned black?
Would you notice,
If all the trees cracked?

Would you notice,
If the rivers ran dry?
Would you notice,
If the lakes began to cry?

Would you notice,
if the sun was gone?
Would you notice,
if the days ran too long?

Would you notice,
if I left this place?
Would you notice,
if you stopped seeing my face?

A flicker.
Is it?
No,
a spark.

A seed of wrong.
Then red blooms
behind my eyes,
a feeling feral, clawing up.

It builds,
a storm front gathering,
pressure in my chest,
a tightening vise.

Words become weapons,
each syllable
sharpened,
aimed.

Lightning.
Pure,
white,
hot.

Striking,
searing,
leaving only scorched earth
behind.

A force unleashed,
uncontrollable,
and then...
the quiet hum of aftermath.

Too late.

What if,
one day,
you just can't
anymore.

A pressure cooker,
that's what it is,
this life,
this me.

Simmering sorrow,
a low hum
in the chest,
a vibration in the teeth.

Gotta smile though.
Gotta answer the phone,
"Hey, how are you?"
"Fine, just fine, you know, living the dream."

Living the dream?
Whose dream?
Not the one where
tears flow freely.

A cleansing torrent,
washing away the grit
and grime
of forced composure.

No, can't do that.
Too much to handle.
Too many eyes
watching.

Too much responsibility.
Got to keep it together.
Got to.
Must.

Swallowing it down.
The lump in the throat,
the sting behind the eyes,
the earthquake in the gut.

Down, down,
down.
A metallic taste,
a silent scream.

Pretend, pretend,
pretend.
Laugh at the jokes.
Nod in agreement.

Offer solutions.
Be strong.
Be brave.
Be…okay.

But
the cracks are widening,
thin fissures
on a fragile surface.

And I wonder,
how much longer
can I hold
it all in?

How much longer
before the dam breaks?
And will anyone
even notice the flood
when it finally comes?