Polished pedestal,
solid and steady.
Up you go, my dear;
get yourself ready.

I will gawk and stare;
kneel, praise and compare.

Until my knees bruise,
ego worse for wear,
eyes ache and vocal
chords all waste away.

So, tell me abou-
nevermind darling.
Your charcater is
near done constructing.

Today I fell out of like with you dear.
Although I still hate not having you near.
I'd rather nothing, than a version of you;
that's neither loving, nor coming through.

For I won't settle - for just attention.
I need unity, in shared direction.
You know I like you, yet you fail to give,
your time and presence - jealousy instead.

Why do I harbour time? I wish it all be mine.
I don't like using it, rather freedom permit.
I try to keep it close, always away it goes.
Not naming where I know, subconsciously I chose.

He consumes my mind,
my forest fire in the breeze.
I must pull the plug.

First comes flame; your beating heart sets alight.
Then comes rain; relieving the raging pain.
But now barely breathing, you feel nothing.
Your blackened heart pauses, before collapsing.

Some words from a different time,
caught my eye and captured my mind.
A note in 'Notes' from November -
when I believed in forever.

To think of how I thought of you
splits my hardened heart in two.
I wish to wipe these memories;
go back to friends, undo these deeds.

Never at all  
did I understand love songs before.

To 'do anything' for a smile,
simply couldn't be true.
Until you grinned,
and I looked at you.

Never at all  
did I understand marriage before.

To give up oneself,
your ambitions and goals.
Do it all for your family
and unite your souls.

It perplexed me how
they knew it would work.
Until one look at you.
Then my love, I learnt.

Can I trust you to take me through the death of my mum and my dad?
Not 100%
Can I trust you to raise our kids alone?
Not 100%

I need 100% baby.

Oh to weave those thoughts into words;
how I yearn to learn your pattern.
I trip, I fall, I bruise, it hurts;
misunderstanding - a deadly casm.

Unspoken words to skin, it burns;
decipher the pain I cannot.  
While speech departs, action returns;
but without breath, our bond will rot.

Thus I reach out, unsteady, unsure;
hopeful to mend our silent rift.
Take my hand in yours I implore;
pull me closer, or grant our drift.

For the ground gives way bit by bit;
rough, festering seas lie beneath.
Water our seed, do not flood it;
rosebuds thrive on a renounced heath.

De Moivres theorem, on the projector.
my imagination whirs, my own protector.
Emotions consume, they stop me trying.
How then could I fail? The goal denying.

It is not goodbye.
it is just see you later...
that's much easier.

'I think we should stay friends.'
I knew this was coming.
And yet these words sting like
shards of ice to tired eyes.

My heart freezes over,
but my legs slowly melt.
Now knee-deep in defeat,  
I curse the day I fell.

I remember those months of mine,
reality warped and I misplaced time.
Anxiety burned me alive -
engulfed my bones, scattered my mind.

There was one thing that halted all,
that vivacious smile of yours.
That mouth and mind always aligned,
perhaps blunt but you never lied.

You were the place I felt most safe.
Alas, all roads lead to heartache.
I never again want to be,
that wretchedly lacking safety.