"You're still obsessed" said my best friend.
I was not even his girlfriend.
We went on one date, one weekend.
Yet no other seems to contend.
That magic night came to an end.
I gained no love, but lost a friend.
Our close bond will never amend.
That promising road a dead end.
Unheeding potential to offend,
I sprinted blind around the bend.
That naive girl, I won't defend.
A wiser woman must transcend.

Some words from a different time,
caught my eye and captured my mind.
A note in 'Notes' from November -
when I believed in forever.

To think of how I thought of you
splits my hardened heart in two.
I wish to wipe these memories;
go back to friends, undo these deeds.

Indecision strangles each move.
Fingertips fail to find my groove.
Telling myself each day is new -
still I end each one feeling *******.

One foot in front of the other.
Path remnants lay helpless, smothered.
Shivers convulse, yet I feel burned.
My knees give way, a fate deserved.

Fostering this forbidding fog,
how then could I divert the blame?
Eyes caked in self-destructive smog,
I solely have myself to frame.

For passion once consumed within,
melted my mind and charred my skin.
Hence I froze my heart wearing thin.  
Icy marshes conceal my sin.

Now I live each day terrified
that my heart may beat intensified.
So I keep it all inside -
off my desires and distastes hide.

Afraid to calibrate failure;
I set no goals - not my nature.
Bracing for the cryptic pressure,
wanting fruits of lucky labour.

Negative emotions,
always so much stronger.
Positive ones never
stay to linger longer.

For a heart can be filled
to the brim with delight.
While one can live dying
ever deeper inside.